I give.
Instead of this appointment confirming my progress and ending with a shot in my ass, it showed that my follicles had not grown at all. In fact, they were smaller. To say I was crushed is an understatement. No trigger. No IUI.
Doc Oc apologized. We discussed my inconsistent responsiveness to the Femara. He said that he didn't think that there was anything further he could do for me except to give me the card of a doctor (RE) he works closely with at Seattle Reproductive Medicine. He felt that I am 'more complicated' and could benefit from a more aggressive treatment than he could provide. The great part about seeing this OB was that basically everything was covered by my insurance. The RE? Not a chance.
Folks, I got dumped.
There is a big difference between planning to take a break if this cycle doesn't pan out and having the cycle cut short without really ever having a chance. My heart hurts. My eyes are welling up as we speak. That 20 minute drive home, knowing my husband is waiting. Knowing that he's waiting for me to come home and tell him the plan. When is our IUI appointment? What does he need to be prepared for? Those were the questions I went in to the office with today. Questions I still don't have the answer to.
This is where I cry uncle. I feel defeated and beat down. That doesn't quite even cover it. More like I feel drawn and quartered. My heart is in a vice. I called Rachel when I left the office today and bawled. Her advice was to take the time I needed to mourn the close of this particular chapter. That's exactly what I feel like I'm doing - mourning. Mourning the loss of those three little follies that never came to be. The IUI I never got to have. Another month where I could not make my lovely and amazing husband a father.
It is time for us to take a break. To take a giant deep breath and reset. No more doctors appointments, medications, copays, pee sticks, etc. For now. Make no mistake, while we plan to take a good break, we'll be back. Wiser, more prepared, and well rested. Watch your back IF/PCOS. You may have won the battle, but we're going to win this damn war.
Showing posts with label Femara Cycle. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Femara Cycle. Show all posts
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Monday, August 9, 2010
My Date with Doc Oc
Before I sat down to relax with the hubs, I decided I would knock out the update.
I've got three follicles vying for Folly of the Year. That's the most follicles I've had at any mid-cycle check thus far! Average size was only about 16ish mm (14.5, 16, 17), so they're definitely not ready yet, but we're on our way! Wednesday I go back to check in and get triggered. All goes well and we'll be getting our first IUI on Thursday.
Let's hope it all goes according to plan!
I was relieved to see that things were ticking right along, even if I wasn't feeling anything like I did last month. I've got to STOP this over analytical thing I've got going on. This week will be bringing plenty of distraction as we've got family (on both sides) in town this week/weekend. Next week I am the only manager in our whole office, so hopefully that means the week will go by fast! The weekend after we'll be camping. TONS going on, so bring on the distraction! My birthday will be CD28 and approx 13-14 dpiui.... now the question is - Would you test on your birthday!?
I've got three follicles vying for Folly of the Year. That's the most follicles I've had at any mid-cycle check thus far! Average size was only about 16ish mm (14.5, 16, 17), so they're definitely not ready yet, but we're on our way! Wednesday I go back to check in and get triggered. All goes well and we'll be getting our first IUI on Thursday.
Let's hope it all goes according to plan!
I was relieved to see that things were ticking right along, even if I wasn't feeling anything like I did last month. I've got to STOP this over analytical thing I've got going on. This week will be bringing plenty of distraction as we've got family (on both sides) in town this week/weekend. Next week I am the only manager in our whole office, so hopefully that means the week will go by fast! The weekend after we'll be camping. TONS going on, so bring on the distraction! My birthday will be CD28 and approx 13-14 dpiui.... now the question is - Would you test on your birthday!?
Appt Tonight
I have my mid-cycle scan this evening with Doc Oc. I am feeling very weird about this appointment. I'm not sure if it is just added pressure because 'after this we're taking a break' or what. I'm not feeling very optimistic (I wasn't last month either though) and I am attributing that to the fact that I took my 7.5mg of Femara on CD5-9 instead of 3-7 like I did last month. I don't know, maybe because I got off to a rushed/rough start I'm just being pessimistic. We shall see!
If all goes perfectly, I will be getting triggered tonight (or in the next 1-2 days) and scheduling the IUI.
If you have a spare positive thought, I would sure appreciate it. I'm running a little low on them these days.
What ever will be, will be. What ever will be, will be. < wash, rinse, repeat
If all goes perfectly, I will be getting triggered tonight (or in the next 1-2 days) and scheduling the IUI.
If you have a spare positive thought, I would sure appreciate it. I'm running a little low on them these days.
What ever will be, will be. What ever will be, will be. < wash, rinse, repeat
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
Heart to Heart
I had a heart to heart, with myself, last night as I tried to go to sleep. I was exhausted, but my mind wouldn't settle down.
If I get a BFN tomorrow, I am going to be very sad. I am always sad when each cycle doesn't work out. But, what I lay in bed thinking about last night was my goals/to-do lists. I made two. One set if we get a BFP, and another if we don't.
BFN
1. I must get back to working out regularly. The gym sucks. I will never be a huge fan. However, I do really like how much better I feel when I'm getting more regular exercise and YOGA. Oh how I desperately miss my yoga.
2. Save money. We have had quite a few expenses come up this summer. Fixing up our kitchen and now waiting to find out what the dog is going to cost us are the two biggest ones. We still have a decent savings, but it isn't anywhere near where I'd like it to be. I need to get us back on a bit more of a conservative budget.
3. Get more focused on my healthy diet. Refocus on my carbs (I've slacked a bit) and begin planning better meals. We've gotten so busy that we're throwing things together on the fly. We've all been there and we know that it often means you don't eat what's best for you.
BFP
1. Cry
2. Gather myself for one more day of work before my extra long weekend.
3. See BFN's 1-3
4. Make an entirely different, much more complicated, to-do list.
What will be, will be. There isn't anything I can do to change it now. I just pray that this time it will be different. Please let this be our time.
If I get a BFN tomorrow, I am going to be very sad. I am always sad when each cycle doesn't work out. But, what I lay in bed thinking about last night was my goals/to-do lists. I made two. One set if we get a BFP, and another if we don't.
BFN
1. I must get back to working out regularly. The gym sucks. I will never be a huge fan. However, I do really like how much better I feel when I'm getting more regular exercise and YOGA. Oh how I desperately miss my yoga.
2. Save money. We have had quite a few expenses come up this summer. Fixing up our kitchen and now waiting to find out what the dog is going to cost us are the two biggest ones. We still have a decent savings, but it isn't anywhere near where I'd like it to be. I need to get us back on a bit more of a conservative budget.
3. Get more focused on my healthy diet. Refocus on my carbs (I've slacked a bit) and begin planning better meals. We've gotten so busy that we're throwing things together on the fly. We've all been there and we know that it often means you don't eat what's best for you.
BFP
1. Cry
2. Gather myself for one more day of work before my extra long weekend.
3. See BFN's 1-3
4. Make an entirely different, much more complicated, to-do list.
What will be, will be. There isn't anything I can do to change it now. I just pray that this time it will be different. Please let this be our time.
Monday, July 26, 2010
The one where I over analyze everything.
I don't have any clue what to expect from this cycle. Typically I have a solid feeling one way or the other. I'm either very optimistic (that hasn't happened in awhile) or I just know it isn't our time yet. There is only the rare time where I started so early that I didn't have a chance to prepare any opinion. This cycle? I swing back and forth every 30 seconds or so and that is about how often I'm thinking about it.
My boobs are sore. Typically pregnancy symptom, but also something I usually have as a warning AF is on her way.
I'm 'crampy'. But, it isn't crampy in the traditional period cramp way. Twinges and mild discomfort might be a better way to describe it. Almost like light gas pains, but lower.
::YAWN:: I'm tired. But then again, I'm always tired. Especially since I had a bachelorette party to go to on Saturday.
Cranky Crankersons. Yesterday we got into an argument about arguing. Started out as a discussion regarding what to do with our dogs this weekend (we'll be camping and we're not sure exactly what to do with Harley). It was silly and I couldn't stop thinking about it as I was trying to go to sleep. Why was it such a big deal (at the time) to me?
Other than that I alternate between a calm 'what will be will be' attitude and glaring at the clock bidding it to move faster. Two more days and I'll finally test. I probably could test tomorrow at 12dpo, but I will give it until Wednesday anyway. I've already waited this long.
Now I'm just not sure what to think. Maybe I will focus on making a list of all that things that need doing at work and home so that I will be sufficiently distracted (yeah right) for the next two days.
::deep breath::
Almost there.
My boobs are sore. Typically pregnancy symptom, but also something I usually have as a warning AF is on her way.
I'm 'crampy'. But, it isn't crampy in the traditional period cramp way. Twinges and mild discomfort might be a better way to describe it. Almost like light gas pains, but lower.
::YAWN:: I'm tired. But then again, I'm always tired. Especially since I had a bachelorette party to go to on Saturday.
Cranky Crankersons. Yesterday we got into an argument about arguing. Started out as a discussion regarding what to do with our dogs this weekend (we'll be camping and we're not sure exactly what to do with Harley). It was silly and I couldn't stop thinking about it as I was trying to go to sleep. Why was it such a big deal (at the time) to me?
Other than that I alternate between a calm 'what will be will be' attitude and glaring at the clock bidding it to move faster. Two more days and I'll finally test. I probably could test tomorrow at 12dpo, but I will give it until Wednesday anyway. I've already waited this long.
Now I'm just not sure what to think. Maybe I will focus on making a list of all that things that need doing at work and home so that I will be sufficiently distracted (yeah right) for the next two days.
::deep breath::
Almost there.
Thursday, July 15, 2010
O-Day
Similar to D-Day, but... not.
I have never before had more of the 'classic' ovulation symptoms. Yesterday I was a royal CM mess and could feel very minor discomfort/twinges in my lady-bits region. This morning, almost exactly 36 hours later (which I didn't notice until it happened)I am having some mild cramping. Not the sucky/throbbing AF kind, but a bit sharper and more localized (if that makes any sense at all!).
Is this what it is like to be a function female member of our species!?
I'll take it!
Here we begin another round of the longest two weeks of my life. Thank god I have plenty to keep me busy or it wouldn't matter if I ovulated because I would have spontaneous combusted from the waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Oh, and sometime remind me of the HILARIOUS story of where I sent R a picture of my VERY clearly positive OPK and she nearly shit herself. SO. FUNNY.
Happy Friday-Eve! I'll 'see' you later for my next instalment of Thankful Thursday. Love ya!
I have never before had more of the 'classic' ovulation symptoms. Yesterday I was a royal CM mess and could feel very minor discomfort/twinges in my lady-bits region. This morning, almost exactly 36 hours later (which I didn't notice until it happened)I am having some mild cramping. Not the sucky/throbbing AF kind, but a bit sharper and more localized (if that makes any sense at all!).
Is this what it is like to be a function female member of our species!?
I'll take it!
Here we begin another round of the longest two weeks of my life. Thank god I have plenty to keep me busy or it wouldn't matter if I ovulated because I would have spontaneous combusted from the waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Waiting.
Oh, and sometime remind me of the HILARIOUS story of where I sent R a picture of my VERY clearly positive OPK and she nearly shit herself. SO. FUNNY.
Happy Friday-Eve! I'll 'see' you later for my next instalment of Thankful Thursday. Love ya!
Monday, July 12, 2010
Midcycle Success
Best. Midcycle. Check.
Yup, that's right, I have growing thriving follies down there! Two, that are HUGE compared to any others I've ever had. Ever. Especially since it is only cd12. One on the left and one on the right.
I would like to take a moment of silence. ::moment::
Now: Double WOOT!!
Dr. Wrong (who I may have to admit already needs a new nickname) got right down to dildo cam business. Immediately we found a 18mm follicle on one side and 19ish on the other.
J and I chatted and decided that we wanted to do another timed-sex cycle instead of pursuing the IUI this cycle. It was important that we know that we did all we could to make this as 'natural' as possible. So, we're going it au-natural again this cycle.
We did decide that we were going to trigger again just to have a bit more control over timing. However, not a single pharmacy in our area has it in stock! I will have to wait until tomorrow to pick it up. 36 hours after that and we'll be getting down to business, as they say. (Whoever 'they' is...)
So, here we go! Wish me luck!
Yup, that's right, I have growing thriving follies down there! Two, that are HUGE compared to any others I've ever had. Ever. Especially since it is only cd12. One on the left and one on the right.
I would like to take a moment of silence. ::moment::
Now: Double WOOT!!
Dr. Wrong (who I may have to admit already needs a new nickname) got right down to dildo cam business. Immediately we found a 18mm follicle on one side and 19ish on the other.
J and I chatted and decided that we wanted to do another timed-sex cycle instead of pursuing the IUI this cycle. It was important that we know that we did all we could to make this as 'natural' as possible. So, we're going it au-natural again this cycle.
We did decide that we were going to trigger again just to have a bit more control over timing. However, not a single pharmacy in our area has it in stock! I will have to wait until tomorrow to pick it up. 36 hours after that and we'll be getting down to business, as they say. (Whoever 'they' is...)
So, here we go! Wish me luck!
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
My Weekend 'Off'.
After my doctors appointment on Friday, I decided that I was going to make a conscious effort to take the weekend OFF. No thinking about baby making, IF, doctors appointments, etc. It was going to be chores and time with friends and family that kept me busy.
I'm pleased to report it was a success. Thoughts creeped in here and there of course, but they were not the daunting/dreadful kind. I've actually been feeling very confident with our game plan. Let's just hope the lady bits pick up on this confidence and get to work! I am almost done with my first round of the increased dosage of Femara. I'm still feeling a-okay. No crazy side affects to speak of, except that it seems impossible for me to continue to lose weight. I know 'weight gain' was listed as a side affect, so maybe I should be happy I'm not gaining?
Something that I think is drastically improving my general disposition is the weather. SUMMER HAS FINALLY ARRIVED IN THE NORTHWEST. Damn it feels good to say that. Me and the weather around here were stuck in the same rut. Nothing but gray, dreary, yuckiness. I'm happy to report that this week it is blue skies and 90 degrees!
Our kitchen is on its way as well. I cannot tell you how much better it already looks and that's only with primer! I promise when we're all done there will be before and after shots. By this weekend I'm hoping we'll have the paint done and then I can start shopping for tile/stone backsplash! In fact I may need to show you what I am trying to decide between so that you can vote... Sound like fun to you?
I'm pleased to report it was a success. Thoughts creeped in here and there of course, but they were not the daunting/dreadful kind. I've actually been feeling very confident with our game plan. Let's just hope the lady bits pick up on this confidence and get to work! I am almost done with my first round of the increased dosage of Femara. I'm still feeling a-okay. No crazy side affects to speak of, except that it seems impossible for me to continue to lose weight. I know 'weight gain' was listed as a side affect, so maybe I should be happy I'm not gaining?
Something that I think is drastically improving my general disposition is the weather. SUMMER HAS FINALLY ARRIVED IN THE NORTHWEST. Damn it feels good to say that. Me and the weather around here were stuck in the same rut. Nothing but gray, dreary, yuckiness. I'm happy to report that this week it is blue skies and 90 degrees!
Our kitchen is on its way as well. I cannot tell you how much better it already looks and that's only with primer! I promise when we're all done there will be before and after shots. By this weekend I'm hoping we'll have the paint done and then I can start shopping for tile/stone backsplash! In fact I may need to show you what I am trying to decide between so that you can vote... Sound like fun to you?
Friday, June 25, 2010
Not great news.
Today my appointment was short, but lacking in the sweet. Though somehow I knew going in this wasn't going to be it. My lining had thinned considerably (by about half) and I had a lot of visible follicles, but none even as large as the two were on Monday. She didn't even bother measuring them. She basically said that it appears I'm not responding. There are a few things we're going to do now.
*I am going to continue OPKs, it is possible that I just haven't ovulated yet. If that is the case I will go in as soon as I get a positive.
*When AF does arrive (if on time) I am going to go in on day 2 or 3 so that they can scope me out. Then I will do another round of Femara. This time it will be 7.5mg and I will take it on days 3-7 instead of 5-9.
*If I don't get my period in a couple of weeks (and no BFP) she wants me to come in a do blood work.
We discussed metformin briefly, but she didn't think I needed it since I've been having 'regular cycles' while I'm taking meds (clomid/femara and the progesterone).
I'm sad. I'm disappointed. I'm feeling defeated. I really thought we'd found what I needed. How can I respond one month and not the next? It just isn't fair. It SUCKS. One tiny step forward and then we're back where we started. Just like always, we'll have to wait and see. Waiting. I'm always waiting on something...
Thank you for all of your well wishes. I wish I had better news to report.
*I am going to continue OPKs, it is possible that I just haven't ovulated yet. If that is the case I will go in as soon as I get a positive.
*When AF does arrive (if on time) I am going to go in on day 2 or 3 so that they can scope me out. Then I will do another round of Femara. This time it will be 7.5mg and I will take it on days 3-7 instead of 5-9.
*If I don't get my period in a couple of weeks (and no BFP) she wants me to come in a do blood work.
We discussed metformin briefly, but she didn't think I needed it since I've been having 'regular cycles' while I'm taking meds (clomid/femara and the progesterone).
I'm sad. I'm disappointed. I'm feeling defeated. I really thought we'd found what I needed. How can I respond one month and not the next? It just isn't fair. It SUCKS. One tiny step forward and then we're back where we started. Just like always, we'll have to wait and see. Waiting. I'm always waiting on something...
Thank you for all of your well wishes. I wish I had better news to report.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Too Soon To Tell
I had to see one of Doc Oc's other doctors today because he's on vacation. I've seen her once before and like her okay. We came in, recapped my regimen, and got right down to dildocam business. We were able to find quite a few follicles, but they were only about 11-12mm. They are larger than my baseline, but not big enough to be 'mature' yet.
So, what that means is I am headed back to see her on Friday. Usually one or two will step up and take the lead. If they grow at 1-2mm per day, on Friday I should have a follicle around 15mm(low end) to 20mm(high end). Fingers crossed for high end.
No IUI today, we've got to hang in there and wait until the end of the week. I will keep testing with OPK's and call in if I get a positive before then.
Thank you for all of the well wishes. I will keep them close until Friday!
So, what that means is I am headed back to see her on Friday. Usually one or two will step up and take the lead. If they grow at 1-2mm per day, on Friday I should have a follicle around 15mm(low end) to 20mm(high end). Fingers crossed for high end.
No IUI today, we've got to hang in there and wait until the end of the week. I will keep testing with OPK's and call in if I get a positive before then.
Thank you for all of the well wishes. I will keep them close until Friday!
Thursday, June 17, 2010
Upcoming Dr Visit
This Monday I will be back to the doctor. Doc Oc is on vacation (again!), so I will be seeing another one of the docs in his office that he has trained. I saw her last month and liked her fine.
If I have developing follicles again this month, J and I are almost positive we'll be doing IUI. Has anyone had this procedure? Can you give me the details on what it was like? I've done some reading, but I would be very interested in a personal account. I'm nervous. I'm not really sure why. I'm nervous I won't have responded again, I'm nervous about the IUI, and I'm nervous that the IUI won't work. Nerves, nerves, nerves!
I think I'm going to make myself a massage appointment and try to relax. Thankfully we've got so much going on at home (kitchen facelift!) that I'm sufficiently distracted once I get home. Work on the other hand? I've been spending so much time working solo at my desk that my mind has entirely too much time to wander.
Here we go again!
If I have developing follicles again this month, J and I are almost positive we'll be doing IUI. Has anyone had this procedure? Can you give me the details on what it was like? I've done some reading, but I would be very interested in a personal account. I'm nervous. I'm not really sure why. I'm nervous I won't have responded again, I'm nervous about the IUI, and I'm nervous that the IUI won't work. Nerves, nerves, nerves!
I think I'm going to make myself a massage appointment and try to relax. Thankfully we've got so much going on at home (kitchen facelift!) that I'm sufficiently distracted once I get home. Work on the other hand? I've been spending so much time working solo at my desk that my mind has entirely too much time to wander.
Here we go again!
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
BFN.
Things go from bad to worse
You'd think they can't get worse than that
And then they do
Thank you Rodney Atkins for the quote above.
I woke up in the wee hours (because I always get up in the middle of the night to pee) and since it was too close to my wake up time, I tested. Results? AF. Yup, as soon as I peed in the damn cup and wiped, I saw red. frickengoshdarnmothereffingstupidperiod! So as is probably obvious by now, my results of said pee test were a big fat negative.
Have I cried? Nope. Before I left I went back and laid on the bed as J was waking up and told him. He rubbed my back and told me all the things he's supposed to. 'At least you ovulated.' 'If you think about it, now that you're finally ovulating, we're really only just getting started.' That last one sucked. I know he didn't mean it that way, but UGGGGGH. JUST GETTING STARTED!? I'm not sure I like that... at all.
Thank you to all of you who were thinking your positive thoughts and saying your prayers for us this month. I appreciate it more than you know. I hope that soon I will get all of those prayers answered.
But as the aforementioned Rodney Atkins says:
If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Wasn't that a beauty of a song to listen to right as I started the car this morning? I thought it was fitting. In fact the whole set of lyrics was pretty fitting.
You'd think they can't get worse than that
And then they do
Thank you Rodney Atkins for the quote above.
I woke up in the wee hours (because I always get up in the middle of the night to pee) and since it was too close to my wake up time, I tested. Results? AF. Yup, as soon as I peed in the damn cup and wiped, I saw red. frickengoshdarnmothereffingstupidperiod! So as is probably obvious by now, my results of said pee test were a big fat negative.
Have I cried? Nope. Before I left I went back and laid on the bed as J was waking up and told him. He rubbed my back and told me all the things he's supposed to. 'At least you ovulated.' 'If you think about it, now that you're finally ovulating, we're really only just getting started.' That last one sucked. I know he didn't mean it that way, but UGGGGGH. JUST GETTING STARTED!? I'm not sure I like that... at all.
Thank you to all of you who were thinking your positive thoughts and saying your prayers for us this month. I appreciate it more than you know. I hope that soon I will get all of those prayers answered.
But as the aforementioned Rodney Atkins says:
If you're going through hell
Keep on going, don't slow down
If you're scared, don't show it
You might get out
Before the devil even knows you're there
Wasn't that a beauty of a song to listen to right as I started the car this morning? I thought it was fitting. In fact the whole set of lyrics was pretty fitting.
Monday, June 7, 2010
T-Minus 2 Days
And counting...
Wednesday morning is D-Day: CD29. Wednesday I would be one day 'late' and I promised myself I wouldn't count DPO's and test 'early'. Two more days...
I'm not feeling particularly confident. I'm not sure if it is a product of being burned over and over, or if it is just a vibe, but I'm trying to remain positive. Other than being exhausted, my boobs are killing me again. This has been a typical PMS symptom for me the last few months. My exhaustion I know is a result of my non-stop weekend. Rationally I know that at this point I wouldn't feel any different than a normal month. I just keep wishing and searching for some sign. Something to tell me not to give up hope. Not to dampen my spirits so it will hurt a little less if it doesn't work out. That I have no reason to believe I will need to come into work Wednesday morning with red puffy eyes. (Who am I kidding, if that pee stick has two lines, I will probably cry harder than if it doesn't!)
So, I'll keep searching and remaining positive. Keeping myself busy until Wednesday morning arrives. If you've got a spare set of fingers, I wouldn't mind a bit if you kept 'em crossed for me.
Wednesday morning is D-Day: CD29. Wednesday I would be one day 'late' and I promised myself I wouldn't count DPO's and test 'early'. Two more days...
I'm not feeling particularly confident. I'm not sure if it is a product of being burned over and over, or if it is just a vibe, but I'm trying to remain positive. Other than being exhausted, my boobs are killing me again. This has been a typical PMS symptom for me the last few months. My exhaustion I know is a result of my non-stop weekend. Rationally I know that at this point I wouldn't feel any different than a normal month. I just keep wishing and searching for some sign. Something to tell me not to give up hope. Not to dampen my spirits so it will hurt a little less if it doesn't work out. That I have no reason to believe I will need to come into work Wednesday morning with red puffy eyes. (Who am I kidding, if that pee stick has two lines, I will probably cry harder than if it doesn't!)
So, I'll keep searching and remaining positive. Keeping myself busy until Wednesday morning arrives. If you've got a spare set of fingers, I wouldn't mind a bit if you kept 'em crossed for me.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Post HSG Update
It has been a couple of days since my trigger shot of HSG, so I thought I'd give ya'll an update.
1. My ass hurts. Okay, so it is more my hip than my ass, but still, ouch! It is tender and sore. If feels like I have a giant bruise. In fact, I keep checking for one!
2. There was definitely some crampage I've never had before on my lower right. In my mind it is because the HSG was basically a folli-steroid that caused it to get giant like Hulk and explode. Good enough visual, right? I think the fact that I could feel this may be caused by my continual constipation. It's caused some bloat and extra sensitivity in my lower regions.
3. The nurse warned me of moodiness and so far I don't think I've been too bad. Maybe you should ask J... lol
Otherwise things are good. We're cautiously optimistic and I'm certainly hoping the next two weeks fly by.
1. My ass hurts. Okay, so it is more my hip than my ass, but still, ouch! It is tender and sore. If feels like I have a giant bruise. In fact, I keep checking for one!
2. There was definitely some crampage I've never had before on my lower right. In my mind it is because the HSG was basically a folli-steroid that caused it to get giant like Hulk and explode. Good enough visual, right? I think the fact that I could feel this may be caused by my continual constipation. It's caused some bloat and extra sensitivity in my lower regions.
3. The nurse warned me of moodiness and so far I don't think I've been too bad. Maybe you should ask J... lol
Otherwise things are good. We're cautiously optimistic and I'm certainly hoping the next two weeks fly by.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Next Steps.
I had a visit with Doc Oc this morning. It went great! I had one follicle at just over 18mm - Perfect! He didn't even bother to look for that second, smaller follicle, because this one was good enough.
"Ready for a shot?"
I've never said yes to that question faster in my life!
I am happy that we're finally moving forward, even a little bit. This small step, me with my 18mm follicle, ready to ovulate, feels like a huge step. Forward. I finally feel like that is the direction we're headed in. Progress. I'm loving that. I feel good.
So, I'm sitting here with a sore hip. The needle didn't hurt a bit, but boy did it leave its mark. I'm tender! And I couldn't be happier about it.
Speaking of happy, that is exactly what my husband is going to be after the next couple of days. ;)
"Ready for a shot?"
I've never said yes to that question faster in my life!
I am happy that we're finally moving forward, even a little bit. This small step, me with my 18mm follicle, ready to ovulate, feels like a huge step. Forward. I finally feel like that is the direction we're headed in. Progress. I'm loving that. I feel good.
So, I'm sitting here with a sore hip. The needle didn't hurt a bit, but boy did it leave its mark. I'm tender! And I couldn't be happier about it.
Speaking of happy, that is exactly what my husband is going to be after the next couple of days. ;)
Friday, May 21, 2010
Notes from my date with the dildo cam.
We (Doc Oc, J, and I) decided that our mid-cycle follicle check should be earlier this month. This was because last month I was seen on day 13 and it appeared that I had already ovulated. So, that's why I'm on CD10 and getting friendly with the dildo cam.
Let's back up for a moment. Up until the month before last my follicles haven't developed at all. They've stayed at approx. 7-9mm (my 'baseline'). Two months ago I did get a rogue folli that at CD15 was a whopping 12mm. I don't know what they were last month because we were too late. Doc Oc wants to see them at about 19-20mm before we trigger.
J wasn't able to make it today, so I was flying solo this time. And guess what? I have two follicles on my right side that are 'serious contenders'! This is the first time I've been a contender for anything. The larger of the two measured at 15mm and the smaller at 12mm and it's only day 10! My lining was on the thin side, so I'm at least a few days away before I could ovulate and be triggered. (My lining has always been very thick by midcycle, it's the only thing I've ever had going for me.)
Monday I go back to take another look around and see how it's going. If they're healthy and progressing the smaller should be between 15-18mm and the larger between 18-21mm. So, if all goes well, I have injections next week.
I am cautiously optimistic. J and I will be discussing next steps this weekend. If we get far enough to trigger, we need to decide if we'll be timing sex, or going forward with IUI.
Do we go forth and attempt to make at least a part of this process 'natural'? Or do we not waste this opportunity and go forward with the best odds? We will talk it out and I will let you know where we end up.
Let's back up for a moment. Up until the month before last my follicles haven't developed at all. They've stayed at approx. 7-9mm (my 'baseline'). Two months ago I did get a rogue folli that at CD15 was a whopping 12mm. I don't know what they were last month because we were too late. Doc Oc wants to see them at about 19-20mm before we trigger.
J wasn't able to make it today, so I was flying solo this time. And guess what? I have two follicles on my right side that are 'serious contenders'! This is the first time I've been a contender for anything. The larger of the two measured at 15mm and the smaller at 12mm and it's only day 10! My lining was on the thin side, so I'm at least a few days away before I could ovulate and be triggered. (My lining has always been very thick by midcycle, it's the only thing I've ever had going for me.)
Monday I go back to take another look around and see how it's going. If they're healthy and progressing the smaller should be between 15-18mm and the larger between 18-21mm. So, if all goes well, I have injections next week.
I am cautiously optimistic. J and I will be discussing next steps this weekend. If we get far enough to trigger, we need to decide if we'll be timing sex, or going forward with IUI.
Do we go forth and attempt to make at least a part of this process 'natural'? Or do we not waste this opportunity and go forward with the best odds? We will talk it out and I will let you know where we end up.
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
CD1. Again.
Yup, I started my period.
Why?
Why can I never take a single step forward? What am I doing wrong to deserve this?
How long am I going to be forced to live in this land of waiting? I don't like it here.
When will it be my turn?I feel like every move we make puts us to the back of another really long line. (Does that happen to you at the grocery store? You get in a short line and it turns out to be a longer wait, so you move only to have it happen again in the next line??)
I feel a little more dead on the inside each time this happens. Each month the pain and disappointment give me less and less of an emotional response. Chipping away a little bit each time. Feeling more numb each time.
We're starting over again. Again with the medications and reinstating the charting. Again with the doctors appointments and dates with the dildo cam. Again with planning our sex life. Again with the words of sympathy when the few that know ask me expectantly 'Well??? How did it go???' How do I keep coming up with new ways to say it didn't work out? That I couldn't make it happen, again.
I am grateful for being left with so much to do at work this week. It will distract me from that canyon that keeps growing and expanding in my heart. It hurts, but I don't have time to deal with it.
So much for curing my emotional instability today.
Why?
Why can I never take a single step forward? What am I doing wrong to deserve this?
How long am I going to be forced to live in this land of waiting? I don't like it here.
When will it be my turn?I feel like every move we make puts us to the back of another really long line. (Does that happen to you at the grocery store? You get in a short line and it turns out to be a longer wait, so you move only to have it happen again in the next line??)
I feel a little more dead on the inside each time this happens. Each month the pain and disappointment give me less and less of an emotional response. Chipping away a little bit each time. Feeling more numb each time.
We're starting over again. Again with the medications and reinstating the charting. Again with the doctors appointments and dates with the dildo cam. Again with planning our sex life. Again with the words of sympathy when the few that know ask me expectantly 'Well??? How did it go???' How do I keep coming up with new ways to say it didn't work out? That I couldn't make it happen, again.
I am grateful for being left with so much to do at work this week. It will distract me from that canyon that keeps growing and expanding in my heart. It hurts, but I don't have time to deal with it.
So much for curing my emotional instability today.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
No changes.
Still no AF to speak of. (TMI Warning) I thought I'd started yesterday while I was running up a couple flights of stairs to a meeting. I rushed to the bathroom praising God I was wearing black pants to find a decent amount of CM instead. Gross!
Last week I was ramping up for AF. There was all the typical stuff (breakouts, sore boobs, crankiness, bloating). And now? It's going away. Like it would after my period was over. Except for the fact that I haven't been able to poop for 48 hours. Hence the bloat is still present. Blech. This fact totally screwed me in my biggest loser weigh in yesterday. Gained 2lbs this week. Okay, so it may have been partially my constipated bloat problem, and partially the Ghirardelli turtle brownie and caramel toffee ice cream I helped J finish on Saturday... don't judge!
J and I agreed that we will not test again until I still haven't gotten my period by Saturday. I think I have enough going on this week to distract me until then.
I start photography classes tonight! I cannot tell you how excited I am.
Last week I was ramping up for AF. There was all the typical stuff (breakouts, sore boobs, crankiness, bloating). And now? It's going away. Like it would after my period was over. Except for the fact that I haven't been able to poop for 48 hours. Hence the bloat is still present. Blech. This fact totally screwed me in my biggest loser weigh in yesterday. Gained 2lbs this week. Okay, so it may have been partially my constipated bloat problem, and partially the Ghirardelli turtle brownie and caramel toffee ice cream I helped J finish on Saturday... don't judge!
J and I agreed that we will not test again until I still haven't gotten my period by Saturday. I think I have enough going on this week to distract me until then.
I start photography classes tonight! I cannot tell you how excited I am.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Negative.
This mornings test was negative.
I really feel like AF is just around the corner. Tender boobs, crankiness (especially now), and an uneasy tummy.
I was really hoping this month was it. :/
I'm off to try and salvage the day. It is a beautiful sunshiny day in Seattle. The hubs and I are taking the motorcycles out and then hitting the beach with the dogs.
Happy Mothers Day to all of those Mama's out there. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
I really feel like AF is just around the corner. Tender boobs, crankiness (especially now), and an uneasy tummy.
I was really hoping this month was it. :/
I'm off to try and salvage the day. It is a beautiful sunshiny day in Seattle. The hubs and I are taking the motorcycles out and then hitting the beach with the dogs.
Happy Mothers Day to all of those Mama's out there. I hope you have a wonderful weekend.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Dr Visit 2.0
Doc Oc is almost certain that I ovulated early this month! My lining is very thick, the fluid (from the cyst that held MY egg!) had been obsorbed. Of course we won't know for certain until A) I'm knocked up, we had pretty excellent timing I might add; B)I have another 24-25 day cycle.
Should this not be our month, I am going to take the Femara again next month. I will start charting again next month, as well as using my OPK's a couple of days early. I didn't start using OPK's until Monday (CD12) because I was out. Monday and Tuesday I had very solid second lines, but there were not darker than the control. They have progressively lightened up all week. Take that for what it's worth.
Of course even if I did ovulate, we have only about a 15-20% chance of conceiving. More importantly though I feel like we finally have a little bit of progress!
We're 5ish days into our 2WW, so fingers crossed peeps. I will keep thinking pregnant thoughts and potentially looking up a few old-wives tales just for fun.
TGIF!
Should this not be our month, I am going to take the Femara again next month. I will start charting again next month, as well as using my OPK's a couple of days early. I didn't start using OPK's until Monday (CD12) because I was out. Monday and Tuesday I had very solid second lines, but there were not darker than the control. They have progressively lightened up all week. Take that for what it's worth.
Of course even if I did ovulate, we have only about a 15-20% chance of conceiving. More importantly though I feel like we finally have a little bit of progress!
We're 5ish days into our 2WW, so fingers crossed peeps. I will keep thinking pregnant thoughts and potentially looking up a few old-wives tales just for fun.
TGIF!
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