National Infertility Awareness Week

I didn’t want the week to pass without my acknowledging NIAW. I’m grateful that, for this week especially, attention is drawn to something that so many people shy away from talking about – myself included. I will stand behind whatever needs to be said or done to make these discussions less taboo. J and I have even started discussing being more open about our struggle. That is a huge step for us. Especially J. He's a very private person.

But this year? I just don’t feel like talking about it.

I’ve been thinking about NIAW for about the last month. What could I post about during this week? I never really landed on anything meaty, because I’m honestly just not feeling it. Is it because I talk about it all year? Maybe. It’s almost like I have a performance issue. I talk about it all the time, but then when I “have” to talk about it, I can’t bring myself to do it. Okay, it’s probably because I’m stubborn. I suppose I can live with that.

While I’m not out there busting myths (LINK) or participating more actively, I’m still here. Struggling through the day-to-day of IF, always available if you need to chat, and fighting the good fight.

Not that I felt the need to justify my actions, or lack thereof I suppose, but it is just where I’m at. Those of you out there putting for the extra effort this week? Major kudos to you. Thank you for being a voice for our community. I appreciate, very much, you picking up my slack. Your support means a great deal to me.

To live in, and appreciate, the now.

Today is Easter Sunday, the start of National Infertility Awareness Week and it also happens to be my darling husbands birthday. That's a lot for one day! To honor all three of these important events, I'm spending it with those I love.

I am continuing to try and focus my life on the positives. To not spend my days solely planning and pining for the future, but to appreciate the things I have here and now. Infertility can take a number of things away from you if you let it. I am trying not to spend my life dwelling on those things. So, while I am off snuggling and spoiling my husband on his birthday (and teasing him about being old!), I will instead celebrate by leave you with the 10 things I am grateful for today.

1. I have a handsome husband who loves and supports me. No matter how crazy I am. No matter how much of our fertility struggle in 'my fault'. No matter how much I could never deserve his unyielding affection.

2. We have friends that make us laugh, hold our hand, celebrate our joys, and lend us a hand when we're in need.

3. I finally have a job that I am enjoying. That keeps me engaged and challenged.

4. We are fortunate enough to have good, stable, jobs in an economy where a number of families are not so fortunate.

5. Our upcoming trip to Europe (not possible w/o #4)

6. A stable, happy, and loving marriage. One that has had to stand up to more than its fair share of crap and is not only still here to tell the tale, but is all the stronger for it.

7. All of you. For being here, for offering up encouraging words, for commiserating, and for helping me muddle through this mess.

8. For the break we've been taking over the past 8 months. J was right when he suggested we not pick up right at the first of the year. I wasn't ready.

9. While we'd give nothing more than to have a family, I am grateful for the quiet moments. The afternoons I can spend snuggled on the sofa with my amazing husband while we watch movies and nap.

10. Having the strength to start again. In June we start back up with the doctors visits. The testing, charting, meds, etc. I'm happy about the strength I've built back up. The time I've taken to find me again.