Well folks, the 30th day of the Thankful 30 is upon us. I cannot believe that tomorrow is December 1st. I haven't even started my Christmas shopping yet...
::breaths deeply into a paper bag::
This blog has been a tremendous outlet for me. I must say that more often than not it is my place to vent about life and mostly infertility. It was a nice break for me to spend a little time each day thinking about just ONE thing I was thankful for. Some days I had to pick from a list of things that I was particularly happy about, and other (more frustrating) days it would take me a moment or five to come up with something. That's just the way life goes, isn't it? It has been nice to be appreciative for some of the things I do have in my life instead of just pissing and moaning about the things I don't.
It's all about perspective my dear friends.
Get on with it you say? Alright, alright...
Day 30
Today I am thankful for each and every one of you. For your encouraging comments or the occasional swift kick in the seat. For your own inspiring words. For simply being a part of this (not so) little blogging community we've found ourselves in. And mostly, for just being you. I'm so grateful we have found each other.
Take an extra moment or two and appreciate those in your life. Give away an extra hug, smile, word or two of encouragement, etc. Because who would we be if not for the people in our lives?
Happy December Eve everyone! ::hyperventilate::
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Monday, November 29, 2010
Days 26/27/28/29
Sorry for the lapse 'round here. I was on a much needed un-plugged time out!
Day 26 - TURKEY. SANDWICHES.
Two of the greatest words in the english language when you put them together. Seriously I cooked with shit out of that bird on T-Day. J said it was my best bird to date. I'm thinking about having him call me Chef from now on.
Day 27 - Time with my peeps.
We escaped to the mountains this weekend. There was snow, friends, hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps, yummy food, christmas movies, etc, etc. I love creating these memories. I have the best of friends.
Day 28 - Turkey sandwiches.
I can't use turkey sandwiches again? Too bad!! My blog. My rules.
Did I mention before how fricken delicious my turkey was? I did? Well you get to read about it again, cause DAMN folks. So moist (thats what she said) and flavorful. Yum.
BTW - The Pioneer Woman's turkey brine worked wonderfully. I modified it slightly with an old recipe of my own, but the orange peels? Just the perfect touch of citrus. YUM
Day 29 - Husbands.
I know I've given him props already this month, but ya'll, we found out there was a mouse (possibly MICE - plural) in our work truck. If it wasn't for him I would have sold the old heap and thrown in the mouse/mice for no charge. I'm not messing around. Oh. Hell. No. Reepicheep doesn't get free rent. Not 'round these parts.
Day 26 - TURKEY. SANDWICHES.
Two of the greatest words in the english language when you put them together. Seriously I cooked with shit out of that bird on T-Day. J said it was my best bird to date. I'm thinking about having him call me Chef from now on.
Day 27 - Time with my peeps.
We escaped to the mountains this weekend. There was snow, friends, hot chocolate with peppermint schnapps, yummy food, christmas movies, etc, etc. I love creating these memories. I have the best of friends.
Day 28 - Turkey sandwiches.
I can't use turkey sandwiches again? Too bad!! My blog. My rules.
Did I mention before how fricken delicious my turkey was? I did? Well you get to read about it again, cause DAMN folks. So moist (thats what she said) and flavorful. Yum.
BTW - The Pioneer Woman's turkey brine worked wonderfully. I modified it slightly with an old recipe of my own, but the orange peels? Just the perfect touch of citrus. YUM
Day 29 - Husbands.
I know I've given him props already this month, but ya'll, we found out there was a mouse (possibly MICE - plural) in our work truck. If it wasn't for him I would have sold the old heap and thrown in the mouse/mice for no charge. I'm not messing around. Oh. Hell. No. Reepicheep doesn't get free rent. Not 'round these parts.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Day 24 / Day 25
Day 24 / 25
Since today is Thanksgiving I'm going to give you all a thankful smorgasbord...
I am thankful for...
Since today is Thanksgiving I'm going to give you all a thankful smorgasbord...
I am thankful for...
- a large and wonderful family
- friends that can be rivaled by none other
- a warm and safe home
- a fresh blanket of snow outside (we NEVER have snow on turkey day)
- a husband that loves me, despite my being a crazy person
- two sweet pups snuggling on my floor
- the fact that our struggles with IF have brought us closer as a couple and didn't drive us apart
- job security
- above all else - time with those I love during the holidays.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
The end is in sight...
The end of our break that is. 2011 is a new year. Our fresh start. After two years of struggling with infertility, we needed a break. And a break we are taking. Parts of this break have been such a relief. Can I say for just a moment how wonderful it has been not to pee on anything?! To not go to the doctors office once a week? Other parts have been challenging... I'm not certain that I'm 'healing' myself as much as I wanted to during this time. We've been so busy and by nature I'm a procrastinator, so that hasn't boded so well for the self-help portion of our break. I am not the woman-on-the-edge I was in August and that is a huge relief.
In 2011 we will resume our fight.
Now for the reason I'm writing today. I read a lot of blogs. Some I pop in and out of occasionally. Others I read religiously. I'm not always the best commentator, but I promise I'm out there reading your words and laughing/crying/praying/celebrating right along with you. I love this community and and so grateful for its many connections. Today I was visiting Lindsey (and her super cute new blog layout!) and she wrote something that really struck a cord with me.
Please read her words. I cannot say it better than she did. Don't worry, go ahead, I'll be here when you get back.
Infertility is like cancer. Each month that we are not successful at conceiving we suffer a loss. I don't want to diminish the significance of cancer or the experiences of those who have suffered miscarriages or preterm loss. However, each month, the feeling of loss, both at the child we haven't conceived, the loss of control, and the uncertainty of our future is damaging. I struggle with controlling those aspects of our experience. I can juggle appointments and schedules, try to eat right, etc. But month after month of being kicked while you're down? Questioning whether or not you can keep fighting for another two years!?
I learned something on Oprah a couple weeks back (she's a smart lady!) and that was, by not owning up to something, by not talking about it, you're letting it control you. While I frequently shoot my mouth off 'round these parts, I don't talk about our struggles with infertility a lot in 'real life'. My in-laws don't even know. While that was a decision we made together and it made sense at the time (I mean, why worry them unnecessarily?), I'm not sure that policy still makes sense for us now. We're struggling through something major in our lives.
J and I both have dreamed of being parents since we were kids. Being a mom is the only thing I've ever known I wanted to be. What if that isn't in the cards for us? What if it is and we're just not there yet?
Last week, J's great aunt died. They were not terribly close and I had only met her at our wedding. She was a nice lady and at 68 she was too young. She was J's grandmothers little sister. She died of cancer and she had never told a soul that she had it. No one. Not her children, cousins, or her big sister. No one got a chance to grieve with her. To hold her hand and tell her what they meant to her.
Is that what we're doing to our friends and family? By not sharing our experience, am I letting it control me? Am I denying my family the opportunity to support me? To adjust and acclimate to the idea that we may never give our parents a grandchild? What if someone else in my life is experiencing this and not sharing with me? Could I help someone?
(as I type this I'm having an odd out of body experience. is this really my life? just being honest with where my mind is this evening...)
I don't know the right answer to those questions and I'm not certain there is one right answer. I do know that I'm ready to take some control back. I'm ready to own up to what has become a major part of our life.
As we start our new year I'm going to be talking a bit more about my experiences with 'coming out'. Writing about talking with my friends and family. It will probably be a slow process. I mean when really is the best time to tell your mother in law that her oldest son married an infertile and that wife may not be able to provide her with a grandchild? (Can you tell that's the conversation I'm looking forward to the least? Ouch.)
Join me while I come out of the Infertile Closet? There will be some interesting changes around these parts in the new year. We'll just have to wait and see how this goes.
In 2011 we will resume our fight.
Now for the reason I'm writing today. I read a lot of blogs. Some I pop in and out of occasionally. Others I read religiously. I'm not always the best commentator, but I promise I'm out there reading your words and laughing/crying/praying/celebrating right along with you. I love this community and and so grateful for its many connections. Today I was visiting Lindsey (and her super cute new blog layout!) and she wrote something that really struck a cord with me.
Please read her words. I cannot say it better than she did. Don't worry, go ahead, I'll be here when you get back.
Infertility is like cancer. Each month that we are not successful at conceiving we suffer a loss. I don't want to diminish the significance of cancer or the experiences of those who have suffered miscarriages or preterm loss. However, each month, the feeling of loss, both at the child we haven't conceived, the loss of control, and the uncertainty of our future is damaging. I struggle with controlling those aspects of our experience. I can juggle appointments and schedules, try to eat right, etc. But month after month of being kicked while you're down? Questioning whether or not you can keep fighting for another two years!?
I learned something on Oprah a couple weeks back (she's a smart lady!) and that was, by not owning up to something, by not talking about it, you're letting it control you. While I frequently shoot my mouth off 'round these parts, I don't talk about our struggles with infertility a lot in 'real life'. My in-laws don't even know. While that was a decision we made together and it made sense at the time (I mean, why worry them unnecessarily?), I'm not sure that policy still makes sense for us now. We're struggling through something major in our lives.
J and I both have dreamed of being parents since we were kids. Being a mom is the only thing I've ever known I wanted to be. What if that isn't in the cards for us? What if it is and we're just not there yet?
Last week, J's great aunt died. They were not terribly close and I had only met her at our wedding. She was a nice lady and at 68 she was too young. She was J's grandmothers little sister. She died of cancer and she had never told a soul that she had it. No one. Not her children, cousins, or her big sister. No one got a chance to grieve with her. To hold her hand and tell her what they meant to her.
Is that what we're doing to our friends and family? By not sharing our experience, am I letting it control me? Am I denying my family the opportunity to support me? To adjust and acclimate to the idea that we may never give our parents a grandchild? What if someone else in my life is experiencing this and not sharing with me? Could I help someone?
(as I type this I'm having an odd out of body experience. is this really my life? just being honest with where my mind is this evening...)
I don't know the right answer to those questions and I'm not certain there is one right answer. I do know that I'm ready to take some control back. I'm ready to own up to what has become a major part of our life.
As we start our new year I'm going to be talking a bit more about my experiences with 'coming out'. Writing about talking with my friends and family. It will probably be a slow process. I mean when really is the best time to tell your mother in law that her oldest son married an infertile and that wife may not be able to provide her with a grandchild? (Can you tell that's the conversation I'm looking forward to the least? Ouch.)
Join me while I come out of the Infertile Closet? There will be some interesting changes around these parts in the new year. We'll just have to wait and see how this goes.
Day 23
Day 23
Today I am thankful for a bit of time alone. I know, last week I was complaining about being lonely and now I'm grateful for a bit of time alone?
I'm a complicated woman, okay?
After a rough night last night (I've been emotional lately, nothing worth mentioning here) and another busy day at the office, I was glad to get off about an hour early to get through the snow and back to my comfy sofa. Alone with my thoughts. In the quiet.
Today I am thankful for a bit of time alone. I know, last week I was complaining about being lonely and now I'm grateful for a bit of time alone?
I'm a complicated woman, okay?
After a rough night last night (I've been emotional lately, nothing worth mentioning here) and another busy day at the office, I was glad to get off about an hour early to get through the snow and back to my comfy sofa. Alone with my thoughts. In the quiet.
Monday, November 22, 2010
Day 22
Day 22
Today I'm thankful for SNOW SNOW SNOW! It has been snowing on and off all day and I am now at home, snuggled up on the sofa with a full belly, watching it come down.
Even though I have a ton to do at the office tomorrow, part of me is hoping for a snow day.
The holidays have arrived!
Today I'm thankful for SNOW SNOW SNOW! It has been snowing on and off all day and I am now at home, snuggled up on the sofa with a full belly, watching it come down.
Even though I have a ton to do at the office tomorrow, part of me is hoping for a snow day.
The holidays have arrived!
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Day 21
Day 21
Today was a great day. First, we woke up to the slightest dusting of snow. Over our breakfast we watched as the snow picked up and enjoyed watching billions of little flakes turn our big backyard white. We go cocoa at Starbucks and headed to the theater were we finally got to see Harry Potter! It was a GREAT movie. Best one yet. I won't discuss it here because I wouldn't want to spoil it. After the movie our gang headed out to dinner and discussed the happenings. A bit of shopping on the way home now we're wrapping up our weekend by lounging on the sofa.
Today I'm grateful for 3 things - Snow. HP7.1. Quality time with J.
Today was a great day. First, we woke up to the slightest dusting of snow. Over our breakfast we watched as the snow picked up and enjoyed watching billions of little flakes turn our big backyard white. We go cocoa at Starbucks and headed to the theater were we finally got to see Harry Potter! It was a GREAT movie. Best one yet. I won't discuss it here because I wouldn't want to spoil it. After the movie our gang headed out to dinner and discussed the happenings. A bit of shopping on the way home now we're wrapping up our weekend by lounging on the sofa.
Today I'm grateful for 3 things - Snow. HP7.1. Quality time with J.
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