Inconclusive. Again.

"Are you fricken kidding me right now?" - is exactly what I said when Doc Oc told me that it wasn't conclusive.

I'll start at the beginning so that you can catch up. I have a hard time following it myself and I was there. Physically anyway.

I dropped my pants and hopped up on the table, spread eagle like a champ and braced myself for my weekly date with the dildo cam. With Jeremy by my side Doc Oc starts rooting around and I immediately see the yolk sac that they mentioned last week. Seeing it live I could instantly see that it was different than the basically empty black orb we saw in our first ultrasound. He pointed out that he could even see the fetal pole. We compare that image with the ones from last week and could see with our eyes that things have changed. The measurements he took confirmed growth in both the yolk and the gestational sacs. Those were the positives.

The down side is that nothing is adding up. Knowing I have PCOS makes my ovulation date a bitch to track. Impossible is more like it since I was doing nothing to track it. Based on the measurements he is guessing about 5 1/2 - 6 weeks gestation. That makes things technically possible but damn close. But, he is 95% positive we're not looking at a healthy pregnancy. The spotting is certainly discouraging. It could be nothing, but I sure would like it to go away. I'm not even sure how I could get my BFP on 7/4 and just now be measuring 5 1/2 weeks. The whole calculating gestation thing gives me a tension headache.

What do we do now? Well, we are scheduling yet another ultrasound for next Thursday. I got yet another blood draw and betas will be available tomorrow. Doc Oc says that based on the measurements and images we saw today, that in a normal healthy pregnancy we should see significant growth (double in size?) and a heartbeat next week. Now that would be the definitive answer I'm looking for.

How on God's green earth can we STILL not have answers?! This is crazy. Progress, but not normal. Beta's fall, but they go back up.

Jeremy and I decided that after that debacle we deserved to be treated to dinner. We even bought ourselves a consolation prize - AKA an ice cream sundae. Because you know what this whole mess is?

A mindfuck.