Monday, January 31, 2011

The Gym

Another challenge of my diet has surfaced and doesn't want to go away - the gym. I feel like I haven't worked out in years when I go to the gym now. About 10 minutes in to whatever it is I'm doing, and I am just exhausted. My heart rate is a little harder to keep at acceptable levels. Overall I'm really having to take it easy.

I'm not sure what I think about that. I know that I'm taking in a lot fewer calories, so that plays a part. Doc mentioned that for the first couple of weeks my body would be in a state of detox, since I am eating so much 'cleaner'. That could be contributing. Do I try to go more frequently but do shorter workouts? Do I do every other day and keep up with what I'm doing? Any thoughts or suggestions? I am going to revisit this in my appointment this week.

Aside from having a strict bedtime and the gym being a struggle - things are looking up a bit. I don't want to jinx it, but I am feeling better. My weight loss has slowed a tiny bit, but is still going down each day bit-by-bit. Less with the highs and lows, I have evened out a bit and I am grateful for that. After just over a week I feel like things are settling a bit.

Hopefully that means I'll make it the long hall!

I know that I mentioned including meal plans and measurements. I haven't forgotten, but things have been a bit busy on my end. They're coming! (along with a non diet-related post for a change. lol) Thank you for your patience and, as always, your support.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Eating Out

I'm struggling with how to integrate myself into public eating. How do I accomplish that and still follow my strict eating plan? Not like I can just walk into Red Robin and pick something from the 'light' menu. I looked at their nutrition information thinking there has to be a couple of things on the menu I could eat, right? lol - yeah right.

The Ensenada Chicken Platter - it is a couple of seasoned chicken breasts with a side salad. Sounds perfect, right? I thought so too.


Sorry for the yelling, but sweet baby Jesus in a manger, are you serious!?

We are seeing a movie with friends today and their text to ask if we wanted to do lunch first is causing me stress. Am I going to be a homebody for 5 more weeks? Do I need to eat first and watch everyone else eat burgers and fries? I'm worried that if I start fudging the lines and 'cheating' here and there that it will just be a slippery slope.

I'll need to figure this out because I've got my baby sister's 21st birthday coming up, as well as girls weekend at the end of February. Yikes. I think I'm in trouble folks.

We'll see how this day shakes out.

**ETA - Lunch went okay today. RR now has a Simple Grilled Chicken Salad and when you get it with no bread, dressing, or cheese it is about 220 calories! FYI should you be in my boat in the future. Even if you got light dressing, that would be very reasonable. Thank you for the suggestions and encouragement. I appreciate it!

Friday, January 28, 2011

McSkinny Friday

Yesterday I had my first weekly weigh in with Dr.T. It didn't go quite as well as I'd hoped, weight wise. But as she pointed out, when I weighed in I'd eaten two meals, drank my days worth of water, and I hadn't :ahem: gone to the bathroom... you get the idea. I'm full of it. (aren't you so glad you stopped by?) The first time I weighed in (last week) it was first thing in the morning and I'd not eaten much for the day. All I'm saying here is that it decreases the spread a bit. Now that I'm done making excuses... lol

Official weigh in: 197.00
(unofficial weight on my scale this morning - 194.1!)

That's exactly 4 lbs from my starting weight and 7lbs since the beginning of the month. I'll take it! 4lbs a week will still get me pretty damn close to my 25lb goal at the end of this 6 weeks.

Doc and I talked through managing some of the rough patches. A couple of times this week I've felt like crap. Especially so after my workouts Wednesday and Monday afternoon. She confirmed that I am more active than most folks that participate and that if I'm feeling that run down, I can add almost another full meal. At least some protein, if not a veggie too. I felt better and less like I would be 'cheating' if I really needed it. She reminded me that the first week is almost like a cleanse for my body since I've ditched so many things that aren't great for me. That I need to be patient and ride this week out - that it will get better. I appreciate knowing it won't last throughout the full six weeks. I also got the approval for a couple of food items that aren't on The List so that I can mix up the meals a bit. Yay! That was a big relief to me. I feel much better with this little bit of flexibility. Much more confident that I can actually do this.

Acupuncture was great! We had another wonderful conversation. He's a really good listener and has given me some great food for thought regarding both my fertility and managing my stress. He's very insightful. The actual treatment itself was a step up from last time. A couple of them did hurt a little bit. Nothing bad, but they stung for a few seconds. I would still hugely recommend it, especially for any of my fellow IF'ers out there.

Other than our conversation, the nap I get to have during my treatment is my favorite part. By that I mean it is awesome. I even told him that when he wasn't looking I was going to wheel his heat lamp out to my car. That thing is fantastic. All week I will be looking forward to next weeks snooze under that thing. It was love at first nap.

We didn't take measurements this week, so I will have to bust out the measuring tape this weekend and see what we come up with. I think we can officially call Week 1 (which was only half a week even) a success! I'm already starting to see a difference in how my pants fit!

P.S. I was asked about meal planning and what I eating these days. ::Waves to Mrs. Joe!:: I will put some things together and post about that soon!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Tomorrow is weigh in...

...with Dr. T. And can I tell you something? I'm EXCITED.

I cannot wait to share my results with you all. Week one overall has been a great success. Has it been easy? Oh, hell no. I had a hyperventilating moment of panic on Monday. How can I do this for SIX WEEKS!? But I did some shopping, some creative meal planning and most importantly - put on my big girl panties and got the hell over it.

Because folks, the point here is that I need to lose weight. And the question I will continue to ask myself is - Is six weeks of sacrifice and discipline worth it?? And the answer, every time, is 'yes'.

The hardest parts have been struggling with what feels like a lack of variety. I'm not big on eating the same thing every day. So I've been focusing more on switching things up a bit. My doc said if there were any additional foods outside of the list that I had questions about including, to write it down or take a picture of the label and bring it to our weekly visit. I've got a couple of items to ask about that will really help me shake things up a bit. I can do this. Right? Right.


J has been pretty great through this whole thing. I've worked hard to plan dinners (our only meal together) that work for the both of us. Adapting my limited choices to his tastes (thankfully he isn't picky!). The other night I was in a bit of a hurry and just steaming some frozen mixed veggies. But, there were carrots in the mixed veggies and they are not on my approved list. What did Jeremy do? He went through and picked them all out. He's trying so hard to say the right things and be supportive without being pushy. I imagine that it is hard for him to know what to say or do since he's been Captain Skinny Pants his whole life. I am very grateful for his efforts.

Any bets with what the scale will say tomorrow at the doc? Remember that last week I was 201.

Here's to hoping that the later part of week 1 is easier on the soul than the first half. Wish me luck!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Reflection: Diet Day 1

Today was the first day of my new diet. I did great! Here's a breakdown of what I ate:

I slept in and had a late breakfast: Smoothie made with Strawberries, blueberries, and a bit of fresh squeezed orange and lemon juice, and a scoop of protein shake (vanilla)

No snack today because we slept in...

Lunch: Wrap made in a Flat Out (basically a whole wheat tortilla), lettuce, tomato, chicken, green bell peppers, a bit of lemon juice

Snack: Protein shake (vanilla) and an apple

Dinner: Baked chicken, broccoli, and a mixed green w/ cucumber salad (vinegar dressing)

Best part of Day 1? I definitely didn't go hungry today!

Worst part of Day 1? I miss condiments and cheese. No salad dressing? No dippings for veggies? This will be interesting. Any delicious thoughts or workarounds out there?

We even went to the gym this afternoon. When we got home from the gym I baked up a bunch of chicken (seasoned with taco seasoning and a yummy grill mix), bell peppers, and onions. I've portioned them out for lunches this week. I love having that behind me. One less thing to think about.

6 weeks feels like a long time when you're looking at it from this end. But, if it gets me in better habits and helps me meet my goal? It will be worth it. I'm already teasing Jeremy about the fun things him and his new skinny girlfriend will do in Europe. :) Day 1 is officially behind me.

Friday, January 21, 2011

McSkinny Fridays

I don't like to conform, so 'McFatty Monday's' were out of the question. I'm also not a fan of the whole 'fatty' part of that equation anyway. As a result I'm taking a bit of a more positive approach. Plus, that word isn't going to apply to me anymore, right? So, let's just ditch it from the get go.

For at least the next six weeks I am going to be reporting my stats. Feel free to drop in an check 'em out. If you're also fighting the good fight, I'd like to encourage you to comment so that I can follow your progress as well. Accountability and support is where it's at!

Here goes nothing. Close your eyes and the page if you're squeamish. lol Okay, okay, their not that bad...

Weight: 201 lbs (again.... ugh)
I would like to give myself a bit of credit here because this was after breakfast and fully clothed!

Arm: 14
Bust: 41.25
Chest: 36.5
Waist: 34.25
Hip: 46.75
Thigh: 29.25
Calf: 16.75
(all measurements are in inches - unfortunately)

BMI: 32.5 (for reals?! that's gotta drop asap!)

There you have it, my dear friends, the start. Let's just hope those numbers are a distant memory in a couple of months.

Peace, love, and smaller hips,

The Diet

After my first visit with my new ND I mentioned that we were looking at a new diet plan. Well, I got my blood work back and basically I'm as healthy as a horse, albeit a chubby horse. That gives me the go ahead for the diet.

The diet I will be participating in is called The HCG diet. Yes, the same hormone that is present in pregnant women is going to help me bring sexy back. Let's start this introduction with a disclaimer, just to cover our bases...

This diet is NOT for everyone. Please do not start any diet without consulting your doctor. Pretty please.

After some great conversation with my doc, we decided that this is a great option for me. I've learned to eat healthy balanced meals for the most part (we all have those days). I'm working out consistently (GO ME!). But, I'm still not seeing results. Basically your body can have muscle memory. It can pick a weight and say, "If I weigh any less than X, I AM GOING TO DIE." Well, that weight for me has been 200lbs. I was able to get down to 185, but that was torture. Folks, I really hate going to the gym 4+ days a week for what feels like no reason. Who wouldn't?

HCG alone WILL NOT lose the weight for you. It is not a magic cure. What the HCG does is communicate to your body that instead of collecting fuel and calories from your muscles and bones (which is your bodies first source if you're not taking in fat), it is to get those from your fat stores. Now, if you continued to eat poorly, it would just get that from your food. Speaking of which, here comes the hard work part - the food.

Another disclaimer - there are a LOT of HCG diets available on the internet. If you choose to go this path, which for what it is worth I do not recommend, please please please do your research. A lot of these online versions get their product from over seas. These can come from questionable sources, be expired, or worse yet, tainted. Another reason to talk to your doctor. Have I pressed that point enough yet?

We (doc and I) developed a diet plan that is very very low fat/carb. For the next 6 weeks I will be eating about 800-900 calories a day. (Please do not restrict your caloric intake without talking to your doc - you could end up gaining weight - no beuno!) I will be receiving my HCG through injections and meeting with my doc on a weekly basis. Helloooo accountability. She prefers injections because taking these meds orally is less controllable, everyone has different levels of absorption. Best of all, how likely am I to cheat if I have to go weigh in and get measured with my skinny hot doc? I'm not above being shamed into behaving myself.

What do I get to eat? That part is pretty common sense stuff. No fat. No carbs. I shouldn't say NO fat/carbs, because I get a very small amount. Some fats and carbs are good for you! I will be mainly eating lean proteins (chicken, turkey), loads and loads of veggies (from a specific list), fruit, and a couple of complex carbs per day. Oh, and water. Lots and lots of water. At least 65oz per day. We talked a lot about creative ways to make the food list fun and I really think it will be doable. It isn't too different from what we've already been eating.

Can we just take a quick moment of silence for the pasta I will miss for 6 weeks? That's going to be tough!

In addition to the food is the gym. Because my calories have been restricted, doc has recommended a whey protein shake for the days I work out. That way I'm getting some much needed calories and energy needed for hitting the gym. After hearing I got more intake on gym days, I was much more on board with the diet plan. Overall it is pretty common sense - don't eat crap that isn't good for you and do the work.

Folks, starting Sunday it is GAME ON. There's a new sheriff in town, time to get with the program. Coming soon will be my measurements (blech) and weight (double blech). Hopefully I won't be saying 'blech' for long. Because in the great words of JT - I'm bringing sexy back.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

A new day is upon us.

Tomorrow is my appointment with Dr. N (ND) to discuss my new diet and the general make-Mrs.S-smoking-hot game plan. I am super excited, and a tiny bit nervous, to start this new regime.

Listen here metabolism and body fat - there's a new boss in town. Start packing your shit because this is your official notice.

My goal is steep - I would like to lose 25lbs by May 17. While I realize it will be super tough getting there, it will be worth every pound. It may mean 4 months of suffering and learning to live a different lifestyle, but it is what needs to be done. For my health, my sanity, and at the end of the day I will be in a much better place to conceive and house a child for 9 full months.

Let the games begin!

Monday, January 17, 2011

My New Soul Mate

Just a quick disclaimer and then I'll get on with the program. I believe in soul mates. Yes, I'm that corny. While I believe in soul mates, I should mention that I don't believe that there is just ONE person out there for everyone. I believe it is possible for a single person to have more than one soul mate. I don't believe that means you have to sacrifice any of the love you already have for your current soul mate(s) either (::waves to husband and dear friends::). It's almost like having another child, you just find a way to love even more.

So, while that might not be 'soul mate' by its traditional definition, that's what we're working with around here. In my little world I feel like there are those folks in our life who were meant to be there. Your souls match like puzzle pieces. When these people come into your life, they just fit like that skinny pair of good-butt jeans. You know the ones I'm talking about. That pair of Abercrombie size twelves from when I was 18 and you could have bounced a dime off my ass. Sigh....

Sorry, got off track there.

This weekend I finally had a chance to meet another soul mate. Susan. A friend that I know deep down really gets me. Not in the 'I'm sorry for what has happened to you, I wish I could understand, but I'm here for you.' kind of way. But, instead in the mutually-commiserative, bitch-I've-been-there-too, kind of way. We 'met' on a message board on The Bump over two years ago. Back when I was blissfully ignorant and ready to conquer the world with my spawn in tow. Boy have the last two years put us both through the ringer.

But, my trials have brought me Susan. A fellow PCOS'er with a heart of pure gold. We laughed A LOT, cried a few good healthy tears, and really got to know each other this weekend. With our two great friends Ashley and Rachel we had a glorious weekend. We showed Susan Seattle, we shopped, chatted, drank wine, and we even cooked together. When my period started Sunday morning, I didn't even need to say a word. She sighed and said 'I know.' For the first time I've not had to say a single word and I knew that all that was in my mind at that moment was completely understood. And, I could just let it all go. It was the most fun (minus that whole AF part) I've had with my girlfriends, while being 110% my true authentic self. It was liberating.

Unfortunately for me, Susan lives in California with her husband (who may or may not have been separated from Mr.S at birth, we're still doing the research...). But even with our distance I know that Susan and I will remain good friends. As she put it, "It just feels right." I'm so glad to have found another piece to my puzzle. To have found another pair of those skinny good-butt jeans (yes, Susan, I just called you good-butt jeans - you're welcome. lol). I have another soul mate in my life.

Thank you for the wonderful weekend, girls. I appreciate all of your love, support, laughter, and friendship. I am eternally grateful for the impact you've had on my life. This weekend, and you, were exactly what I needed. I love you.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

When IF and Work Collide

During the past two years there have been quite a few times when work and IF conflicted. How can I schedule all of these (mostly last minute) appointments around a busy work schedule? Especially without giving my boss the full 411? How do you deal with crushing news or other disappointments when you're busy delivering performance reviews and coaching your employees for their shitty attendance? It hasn't always been easy. That's for sure.

Today I was tried again. I held a regularly scheduled meeting with one of my employees. We cover some basics first (reports, blah blah) and then I ask her how things are going for her. Pretty standard stuff really. Usually folks tell me that they need some additional training on This, or wonder if they can take This Day off, really exciting stuff, I'm telling you. Instead she tells me, "It could be better. :insert boyfriends name: and I were chatting the end of last week about our future. We're kind of in different places. He already has kids, been divorced, and doesn't really have an interest in starting a new family and someday I do." (She's 27 I believe...) "Well. There might be a baby. My period should be here on Friday and I was feeling a little off, so I took two pregnancy tests yesterday and they were both positive."

At this point I'm kind of stunned. I even asked her, "Are we excited about this?" She said that she'd always wanted a baby, but this wasn't how she thought it would happen. She hadn't been to the doctor yet, she was running over there on her lunch break to confirm. I barely made it through our chat. Playing down all that I know about this process while she yammers on ignorantly. I hope I played it cool enough. I congratulated her and told her that if she needed anything she could always count on me, and so on...

But, GOD!@#$*(&%^(**%#!

Remember when I told you about unloading on my HR lady? Well, as soon a Employee left my desk, I called her. "I'm having a personal/work crisis. Are you available?" "Get your butt up here." was her response. I love her.

I unloaded again - no tears though - YAY me! How come I do everything I can to do things the 'right way' for no reason? I work my ass off. I've always gotten good grades, for the most part followed the rules, bought my first house at 20, really got to know my husband before we were married, I pay my bills on time, put forth my best at work everyday, etc, etc, etc and I can never catch a break. I never get to take the easy route. Then there are those that have to do everything the hard way, can't even show up to work on time, make stupid life choices, are incredibly immature, and are dating a guy that doesn't want the same things they do... OF COURSE they get a baby they didn't even want yet. I mean that makes total sense. ::rolls eyes::

I know it isn't right, but I think I'm judging her more because of her circumstances. She can't seem to ever get it together, and honestly it never seemed like she was trying. I really want to be happy for her and I think somewhere down there I am. But the other part of me is still pissed off.

Has anyone experienced this? Part of me is really happy that I've built such a rapport with her that she feels comfortable talking to me about this stuff. The other part of me? Wonders why the hell she would tell her boss that she's knocked up before she's even confirmed it with a doctor? I guess it goes back to that immaturity thing.

I really do wish her all the best. I just wish I didn't have to be put in these situations. Why do I have to deal with it at all? I hope someday I learn the purpose of all of this.

To wrap this up I will share a text convo I had with a friend:

Me: ::insert abbreviated version of above explanation::
S: ::insert super sweet stuff:: Is she going to keep it? If not, one of us can take it :)
Me: lol, yeah I think she plans to. Punk.
S: Damn. You can always snatch it later ;-)

I love having funny friends that get me.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Naturopath Appointment

It went SO incredibly well. Dr. N is awesome. I have to say, I love her.

She asked all kinds of questions, was a great listener, and explained things very well. I talked about our struggle with infertility and my PCOS diagnosis. The troubles I've always had losing weight. We talked a lot about how symptomatic-medicine treats symptoms and not the cause of the symptoms. The Clomid, chemical progesterone, Femara... they're not going to cure PCOS. They're going to force (or try to) ovulation. Dr. N believes there is probably more to my story, especially because these treatments didn't always work for me.

Dr. N asked if I have a thyroid problem. I told her no and explained that when I first started losing weight I had been tested and I was within the 'normal' range. She feels that those ranges are crap. That I might squeak into, even the low end of, a prescribed set of numbers, but maybe that range isn't good for me. Maybe I need to operate at a higher level than they 'expect'. She asked me questions about my hair (thin/fine), nails (always breaking), bowel movements (hello constipation and hemeroids), energy level (constant fatigue), muscle cramps (I hate charlie horses, but get them often)... etc etc. I think you see where I'm going here. She said all of this isn't exact, but it paints a picture of low thyroid. We have to wait for my blood work to be certain. I'd like to mention that when I had to lay it all out there like that I realized that I something obviously was wrong. If a friend told me they had all of the above, I'd tell them to get off their lazy butts and get to the doc. These things come on slowly and over time we adjust to them and they feel 'normal'. Boy I can't wait to clear things up and see what normal really feels like.

The remainder of the appointment went in a very similar fashion. We talked about my menstrual cycles, stress, diet, and so on. Her, I should say OUR (my opinion was very much a factor), plan is to treat ME - not my PCOS. The reason the 'S' in PCOS stands for 'Syndrome' is that it isn't a disease. It is a group of general symptoms. And it can be caused by different things for different people. That means I cannot just take the same meds as everyone else and expect to get better. We've got to fix ME. Hopefully doing so will alleviate some, or all, of my PCOS symptoms.

Our number 1 goals is my weight. We've got a plan!

Step one in the plan will come with the results of my blood work. She is going to check my thyroid, potential food allergens, hormone levels, etc. With that will be the Mrs.S specific diet. Are there foods that my body is busy battling when it could be focused on my metabolism? We'll find out!

Step two is the HCG diet. In a couple of weeks I will be attending an informational class, so I will give you all the details then. Just know that it sounds like just the thing I need. I am doing well with maintaining, but losing is a giant bitch. If I could just get there, I know I could do it. She said I sounded like the perfect candidate. More to come!

Step three in the grand plan is acupuncture. Firstly I am going to be treated for overall health and later we'll move toward treatment along the fertility route.

Folks, I am SO excited. I cannot even express how excited I am. I have not felt this good, or confident, in a very long time. This folks, is a plan. I love a good plan. It helps that Dr.N is so excited too. She had really good energy and enthusiasm about what we could accomplish. The thing I loved most is that she was so personable. I felt like she has got my back.

The best thing about the whole visit is that I left feeling confident and motivated. I felt validated in my concerns (you know when something just isn't right). And most importantly a lot of my stress and depression have been centered around having to live with this the rest of my life. Okay, so I go through with an IUI or IVF, what if we want another child? Or I want to maintain a healthy metabolism. Having everything always be a struggle. It doesn't have to be that way! I was saved today and I have to say, it feels pretty great.

To all of my PCOS ladies out there, and the rest of you as well, if you have a naturopath in your area I would really recommend it. When my girlfriend was telling me about it I kind of wrote it off because it is 'different'. Then I learned my insurance covers my visits with her just like a regular MD. She does annual exams, paps, and can even be my primary care doc. LOVE LOVE LOVE

Naturopathy and Dr. N get a giant gold star in my book.

I'd like to take a quick moment to thank a dear sweet friend of mine, Susan. She was my inspiration for finally getting up and doing something. Check out her blog as she works to get fit too! Congrats on the 6.8lbs in your first week!!

I'm really looking forward to sharing my journey in getting healthy and staying that way! I'm certain that if I can make my body a bit more fit and functional (and sex-ay before Europe!), that maybe just maybe a baby will agree and move in. Good plan, no?

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

Writers Block

I've been keeping up with all of you, but not much is going on 'round these parts. I feel guilty for not writing more, but I'll spare you the boring posts. (like this one... lol)

While I'm here I will report that I've been doing well eating right and with the gym the last week. I've been 5 days in the last week. Of the 4 additional lbs I gained since Thanksgiving, I've lost 2.2 of them! I've got some ground to make up (13.8lbs), but I've got to start somewhere.

I didn't test (OPK), but I think I may have ovulated. I had very similar 'cramping' and pressure to when I ovulated (confirmed at the doc) a couple of times over the past year. That, coupled with some serious CM and folks, I was in the mood. I know that is probably more than you cared to know. But, let's just say we gave it our best effortS (plural). lol

All I can do now is cross my fingers (legs, eyes, arms, etc) and pray.

I hope you're all having a good week.