Pregnancy MUSTs

Now that my pregnancy is a few months in the rear-view mirror, it is a fantastic experience to think back and remember it fondly. There are even days now that I miss my big ol' belly (my belly now is of an entirely different, not so fabulous, kind). Yes, my pregnancy had its tribulations - the bleeding scare, pneumonia, a displaced rib, hip pain... you know, fun stuff. But overall it was a very happy time for me. I felt prepared, at peace, and calm. Like I was finally on the right track.

There were a couple of things I did (and one or two I didn't and wish I did) that I feel really worked well for us. And now we are blessed with a few friends that are expecting little people and I am simply GIDDY to be able to share my own mommy-wisdom with someone else. After all this time, it's a bit of a trip actually.

On with the list!

1. A mom friend. People, I am all for being an independent woman. I like to program my own damn electronics, thankyouverymuch. However, I think women in general have done themselves a real disservice, at least I did, by not spending more time building their village. The old adage that "It takes a village to raise a child" could not be more true. You need a confidant. A mommy who's been there and done that. No, your experience will NOT be like hers, good or bad, count on that now. Don't use her experience to establish expectations, but use her instead as a sympathetic ear, an expert on what baby gear is a must and whats overpriced garbage, and you'll certainly want a cheerleader in those last couple of hard weeks. Don't even get me started on how invaluable these people are after your wee-one arrives, that's an item for a whole different list. And for God sake, stop feeling like a burden! I love sharing my experiences when I can and to do that AND help a friend? I wouldn't think twice. Plus, if you're bugging me, I won't hesitate to tell you you're being a crazycakes. 

2. A body pillow. Remember Tony Danza? Admittedly, J was not the biggest fan of sharing his bed with my new love. But Tony literally saved my ass. Well, technically my hips and back, but you get the idea. Things, they are a changin' and that especially applied to my joints. Having a plush, supportive pillow (I swear by my Snoogle.) was key. There are others out there that aren't as plush, so if that floats your boat, have at it. Also, washing the cover for my Snoogle was a royal pain in my previously-achy backside. It's worth it, but you've been warned. Also, they can be a bit pricey. Check for sales and coupons!

3. A photographer. There will be a day, sometime in your mid-30ish-weeks that you start to feel like a blimp. Pregnancy is beautiful and growing a child is a miracle topped by nothing else, but damn you won't feel as 'glowy' as everyone says you look. Take at least one day in the beginning of your third trimester, erase that mess from your mind, and have your picture taken. Can't afford it? Check Craigs.list or something similar for a student looking to build their portfolio, or have a friend that just got a new shiny DSLR for Christmas take pictures of you and your partner. The day before I had mine taken, I almost backed out. I cried, felt ginormous, and almost cancelled my pre-paid session. Can I tell you that I am SO happy I didn't? I will forever treasure these:

4. Maternity wardrobe staples. At least one cozy dress, yoga pants, and a bra to sleep in. I just passed my long cotton beautiful dress down to own of my best pals and my yoga pants? You bet your sweet ass I still wear those once a week. Ooooh yeah. Their the best. And there will more than likely be a point at which your boobs are tender and angry. That point for me was conception through sometime a couple months ago. A good sports bra or sleeping bra is a life saver.

5. A Doula. If you can afford this type of support, I highly recommend it. Our doula happens to be my very best pal. They are trained, educated, and handy as all hell. Mine did personal childbirth education classes in our home, answered my thousand questions a day, and was there during about 45 of my 53 hours of labor. If your husband is anything like mine (i.e. not a huge fan of discussing vaginas, and its various functions during labor, with an entire group of strangers, home childbirth education was awesome.) She helped us through all of the decisions we had to make. She didn't make them for us, or pressure us one way or the other, but she was an incredible source of knowledge as we talked through pros-cons, etc.This should be right up there with a good mom friend. It can change your life. (Doula Match)

6. A good chiropractor/masseuse. Speaking of life changing! Remember that displaced rib I was talking about? My chiropractor specializes in treating pregnant women and babies - he saved my damn life. Thankfully chiropractic treatments are covered by my insurance, so regular visits kept me much more comfortable. Especially toward the end. Your body is actually a professional contortionist, whether you knew it or not. You'd think your joints loosening and getting more flexible would feel good - but it doesn't. Nope! Not to mention, especially toward the end, you'll be carrying more weight than you're used to, your gait changes, etc, etc, etc. If your insurance covers this, take advantage!

lastly....

7. A journal. Pregnancy is filled with highs and lows. For me, this outlet with priceless. Wax eloquent about your pregnancy, your relationships.. make lists, check off names, write down questions for your next doctor/midwife appointment. Get that stuff out of your head. This really helped me sleep at night. Mostly, it helped me keep the peace. When I got all of the STUFF out of my head, I could focus on quality time with my husband, and more communication with my baby. I would talk to her (out loud and in my mind), rub my belly, day dream... without all of my worries or to-do's floating around messing it up. A huge bonus is that it is really fun to look back at.

I am certain there are many more things out there that can help someone through pregnancy. These happen to be my MUSTs. What were yours? What was it that you couldn't have survived without? A steady diet of ice cream? That probably should have been my #8... Let's hear it!

Labor and Newborn lists to follow soon!

"I feel much better now that I've given up hope."

I was at one of my photography classes last night and my professor gave us one of his favorite book titles 'I feel much better now that I've give up hope.' He said that he thinks of this every time he is shooting in the field.

I loved it.

Not in the obvious, initial, probably depressing, interpretation. We, I especially, tend to have these unrealistic expectations for ourselves. We go out to accomplish something, like a photo shoot or conceiving a child, and we have an agenda. Something we are trying to accomplish. That this is just a means to an end. Instead we should be living the experience. Be genuine. Go in with an open mind and be intimate (not literally you perves!) with your subject matter. Be patient. (YEAH RIGHT! lol) Appreciate your surroundings and be open to experiences.

You can't work for National Geographic and go out in the field thinking 'I HAVE to get THE shot today!' That's too much pressure. How can you relax and do your best work under those conditions? You couldn't possibly be fully present.

I am totally taking on this approach with my photography and my life. I've officially given up hope. Okay, so not really, but I'm going to fake it 'til I make it. Remind myself going in that my life will not END if we don't conceive (again) this month. It will hurt, but that is another experience that will make me a richer individual. (can I be poor instead? okay, enough jokes.) I can be upset, I need to allow myself to do that. What I cannot allow myself to do is continue to dig further into this rut. I've got to take steps forward and get back above ground.

Meanwhile, I am going to spend this weekend using my frustration, pain, and self-loathing to my artist advantage. Thank God for creative outlets!

Moments

I have found that through the process of 'dealing' with our Infertility I can handle most things. The pills can be hard to swallow (literally and metaphorically speaking), but I-I should say we since I clearly don't do this alone- can and am handling it. We move forward, make plans, change plans, alter course, talk and talk, cry, but we move forward.

There are these moments. These points in time where nothing is going to possibly stand in my way, other points where I'm not sure I can do it any more, and a thousand other feelings and emotions in between. I try to acknowledge each of them and make sure that I am learning as I travel along this unfortunate journey. But sometimes, I just feel sorry for myself.

I think I'm about to embarass myself on a few levels, but sharing my story is what this is all about right?

So, I was watching Army Wives (go ahead and tease). There was this moment when one of the wives, Roxy, was venting about all of the worries she had - work, money, car, baby, etc. She slipped the 'baby' part in to a friend that didn't know yet that she was expecting. And I cried. (embarassing fact #2) It was not even a particularly moving scene, or even one of much importance. There was just this overwhelming feeling of self-pity. (embarassing fact #3 - Army Wives makes me feel sorry for myself...)

Am I EVER going to have the opportunity to say the words 'I'm pregnant'. Will I be able to sit down at lunch with a friend and slip in the fact that there is a baby on the way and see if she notices, just for fun? Will I get to stand infront of a table of my friends, like Roxy does at the end of the episode, and explain that while they're toasting with beer and wine, I'll be drinking water? Have my friends jump up and down and celebrate the growth of my family?

So, again, I cried. AGAIN. I swear one day my tear ducts are just going to up and quit on me. 'Screw you Bitch, I'm done putting in these long hours.' And walk out the door. How do I stop making mountains out of mole hills? To stop allowing these 2 second minor moments, comments from unsuspecting people, a silly tv show, impact me in such a large way?

The best way I can describe it is it is like I am going around-and-around on the merry go round and my head is starting to swim.

Is this where you tell me to start seeing someone? Am I not talking about it enough? Am I all pent up or something? Most of the time I consider myself a fairly smart girl. Why don't I know what to do with myself most days? Please point me in the direction of the closet psych ward and I'll start walking.