"I feel much better now that I've given up hope."

I was at one of my photography classes last night and my professor gave us one of his favorite book titles 'I feel much better now that I've give up hope.' He said that he thinks of this every time he is shooting in the field.

I loved it.

Not in the obvious, initial, probably depressing, interpretation. We, I especially, tend to have these unrealistic expectations for ourselves. We go out to accomplish something, like a photo shoot or conceiving a child, and we have an agenda. Something we are trying to accomplish. That this is just a means to an end. Instead we should be living the experience. Be genuine. Go in with an open mind and be intimate (not literally you perves!) with your subject matter. Be patient. (YEAH RIGHT! lol) Appreciate your surroundings and be open to experiences.

You can't work for National Geographic and go out in the field thinking 'I HAVE to get THE shot today!' That's too much pressure. How can you relax and do your best work under those conditions? You couldn't possibly be fully present.

I am totally taking on this approach with my photography and my life. I've officially given up hope. Okay, so not really, but I'm going to fake it 'til I make it. Remind myself going in that my life will not END if we don't conceive (again) this month. It will hurt, but that is another experience that will make me a richer individual. (can I be poor instead? okay, enough jokes.) I can be upset, I need to allow myself to do that. What I cannot allow myself to do is continue to dig further into this rut. I've got to take steps forward and get back above ground.

Meanwhile, I am going to spend this weekend using my frustration, pain, and self-loathing to my artist advantage. Thank God for creative outlets!