Friday, May 7, 2010

Random ramblings and thoughts on my blog.

I was thinking about my blog last night and how i feel as though I'm lacking direction or a real 'identity'. I'm fairly certain that the few people that drop by probably already know I'm a nutter because my thoughts are never clearly organized and my moods are all over the place.

I think where my blog struggles is that it is fairly anonymous. Because I have chosen not to put my face (which is less resembling pizza every day I might add) on my blog, maybe that is just how it will have to be?

I was asked once why I chose to have an anonymous blog and if it was because of our IF struggles. The answer is yes, and no. Yes, the blog is anonymous because of our struggles. There are a few other elements that play into it as well. I discuss openly my weight, state of my ladybits, and other things I consider personal. The reason for the anonymity though is because I didn't want people in my real life judging or pitying me. Sad as that may seem I wanted a safe place to lay it all out there without one of my employees, or my mother in law, finding it.

Judgement and pity are part of IF. I know that most good people try not to, but you can see it in their eyes and even worse in their voice on the phone. I want people in my life to treat me as they always have and for the most part let me worry about feeling sorry for myself, without having to also feel bad that you feel bad. (Did that make sense at all!? lol) I want to be clear though that it is not because I am ashamed. It is not that I am embarrassed of myself, or my PCOS/Infertility.

Maybe someday I will change my mind. While I am proud to see some of my old bump peeps like Blair and Jessica sky rocket in readers and top the charts on Top Mommy Blogs, I'm just not ready to go all in yet. (Not that I would ever be able to write and entertain like the two of them anyway!)

So for now, thank you to the few that drop by. For allowing me this place to be myself, without having to out myself. These 230 or so posts have been 230 occasions where I've had a safe place to get whatever was on my mind, off my mind. I cannot express how much burden that relieves.

P.S. Tomorrow I test. Eeps!

3 comments:

  1. Thank you. :)

    Well, there is definitely something to be said for keeping your blog fairly anonymous. Yes, it helps to have an "identity" for readers to connect with, but let me tell you that some days, it can suck to put yourself so "out there" publicly. Generally, I regret telling anyone IRL about my blog because it sucks not to be able to say absolutely everything I want to because it could offend someone who reads it. That being said, I do not regret posting pictures or using my real name, just telling people I know about the blog's existence. I miss being about to complain about everyone I know! Ha ha.

    Also, sometimes you just want to vent about problems in your life and NOT have someone come up and say "Gosh, I just read your blog, let's talk for five hours in detail about what you wrote." Uhm, no thanks! I wrote it, I vented, it's over. Let's not chat about it, please.

    So, while I think you're probably safe to post pictures and just keep your identity fairly anonymous, I totally understand why you're wary to do so for fear of someone IRL finding it. Truly, I get it!

    I really hope your POAS goes well!! I'll say a prayer for you!

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  2. Oh, and I definitely think you're entertaining!

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