Monday, November 28, 2011
The feeling of anticipation doesn't change, but man have we gotten our hopes up. J says he feels really good about this cycle, and if I'm honest, I do too. But, we've been there before, have we not? You'd think we'd learn our lesson. What can I say, we're suckers.
I enjoy feeling that we gave it all we've got. That things were timed well and we were on top of it. (cough:thatswhatshesaid:cough) In all seriousness though, now everything is just up to fate. We took care of our end of the bargain (again and again just for insurance!) and now we just have to wait.
This time next week I should have my period, or a positive pregnancy test. It feels a little like anticipating the first day of school - oh wait, I'm doing that too!
Am I crazy?
Don't answer that.
Sunday, November 27, 2011
Too much good food!
I am now, officially, sick of eating. I wish there was a pill that contained all of the nutrients I need. This way I could avoid having to chew anything. Ever. Again.
Frankly, eating all of the delicious food has left me in a coma.
So while all of you continue to lead your productive lives, I am going to curl back up on the sofa with my big cozy blanket and continue our Harry Potter marathon.
P.S. For those of you who are HP nerds, like us, the Blu-Ray box set is 50% off at Amazon.com.
Harry Potter Box Set - Now go have yourself another piece of pie and enjoy!
Friday, November 25, 2011
On Monday, December 5th, I am meeting with a college adviser! I need to round up my transcripts and bring them along and we'll talk through a game plan.
That basically wraps up what I am feeling right about now. I had a minor panic attack today when faced with housework and thought - ZOMG, this crap doesn't get done when I am home and now I want to add school!? Jeremy assured me that school was much more important than dusting the molding and vacuuming the stairs. I assured him that the second I get into school - I am scheduling a housekeeper. End of story!
The only way I can focus on something like this is to know I have one or two other things off of my plate. And why shouldn't scrubbing the shitter be one of them? The next item I am going to work on is getting some meals in the freezer and increasing the list of things J can cook.
Also, between now and starting school I need to refocus on 'right sizing' my life. Shedding extra crap, purging what we don't need, etc. As my acupuncturist explained once, how can we left something big into our lives if we don't have room for what we have. This applies physically and mentally of course.
Me, back in school. Like WHOA.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
This year we're making the rounds instead of hosting Thanksgiving. Even without hosting I've found a way to be responsible for the bird, which is currently in my MIL's oven. What can I say? J loves my cooking. (As you know, modesty is one of my finer qualities.)
Even in a roller coaster year, we have so much to be thankful for. Our family, first and foremost. As crazy and dysfunctional as they may be. They're my crazies.
Our friends. Near and far they're one of a kind. I'm so comforted by the love and support we've received over the years.
Our Sprout(s). Even if we couldn't keep Sprout for long, I am forever thankful for the impact he/she had on our lives. My hope, which has been a continually dimming light over the past three years, was restored with Sprout. I know now that we can get pregnant. That it is and will be in the cards for us. I learned to love at a new level during those short and stress filled weeks. Something I will never forget is the love we and our wee-one were shown. The joy, excitement, and elation were something that will never leave me.
Lastly, but never least, is Jeremy. That man is my rock. My partner in crime throughout or adventures. He knows ne better than I do sometimes. He isn't perfect, but his desire to try, learn, and do better next time, continually reinforces why I chose him. He is the definition of good. During the days I am not sure who I am and why I'm here, he brings me back to myself and to him. He's my safe place. He makes me want to be better each and every day.
My hope is that each of you is spending time with those you love and care about. I will continue to think of each of you and hope you're blessed with more and more to be thankful for.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
I dropped out of college when I was 19. It's a long story, but it basically came down to a job offer and an identity crisis. After completing a year of college in high school and floundering while I tried to find my place at a big university, I decided that a hiatus was best.
I love learning. I always said that if I had a job/passion that required school, I'd love to go back. Now may be that time. I earned my current position through experience. Kicking ass and being damn good at what I do. Now, at the level I'm working, all of my colleagues at least have a college education. Most have double majors, additional certificates, Masters degrees, etc. For the first time since I started my professional career that I've felt self conscious about my lack of education.
For the past couple of months I have been toying with going back. My employer provides an annual allowance for school. It wouldn't cover everything, but it would be close. It was the last week of June that I pulled up the adviser contact information and started talking to Jeremy. Well, it was the next week that Sprout came into my life.
This is where I can use the advice. Can I handle both trying to conceive/being pregnant and going to school? And I wouldn't get off that easy - can I handle a child and classes?
What are your experiences? What things should I be considering (besides a padded cell)?
I clearly have a few decisions to make!
Monday, November 21, 2011
Friday, November 18, 2011
I was really hoping that my Metformin and consistent use of OPK's would be my magic wand. I'm currently on cycle day 18 and haven't had any sign of ovulation just yet. Last cycle was over 40 days. I know that I could still be adjusting after the miscarriage, but still. I'm ready to move on.
I know that Jeremy is ready too. He's the one that asked why we didn't have an appointment yet. Well, dammit, I was hoping to get lucky twice I suppose. I've come to terms with the idea of seeking help again. I hate going to the doctor so frequently and working that into our already busy schedule. However, I cannot think of a better reason to do so.
Unfortunately I don't have a lot of flexibility for time off between now and the end of the year and my doctor no longer takes Saturday appointments. Boooooo! So, that means our appointment isn't until Wednesday, December 28th. That gives us the busy holidays to focus on other things and then it is game time.
Here we go again!
(Anybody think I can get lucky and be pregnant before my appointment gets here again?? If I do, I'm buying a lotto ticket.)
Thursday, November 17, 2011
We spent some fantastic quality time with one of my dear BFFs Susan, her husband, and their brand new foster to adopt placements! Got to meet the kiddos, eat pie for lunch, and generally just enjoy each others company. Even if it was only a short time.
Thankfully we had the opportunity to rent a convertible, drive the coast, and even window shop for real estate (one of my favorite hobbies). We spent a good amount of time in the Gaslamp Quarter. Had beers at the Tipsy Crow, a tasty dinner at Strauss Brewery, etc. The concierge at our hotel (we stayed at the W and really enjoyed it!) recommended an awesome place for lunch - Craft and Commerce. It was awesome! I highly recommend it.
Sunday was a gorgeous day. Almost 80 degrees and not a cloud in the sky! This was the day we spent 7 hours walking around the San Diego Zoo. It was so fun! If you've ever been there, you know the place is HUGE. While we covered pretty much the whole zoo, I doubt very highly that you'd cover too much of it with little ones.While we were a little sad at times to think that I could be taking photos of my belly in front of the different exhibits, we know that we'll be back. I'm confident that we'll take our children there someday. That just means it will just be even more special next time.
We really enjoyed our little getaway. It was nice to spend some time, just the two of us. We're very fortunate to be able to travel quite a bit recently, but we don't often get the one-on-one time. We travel very well together. We like to wander in the same places, enjoy checking out local spots, and both appreciate some good down time. Jeremy hasn't always been as passionate about travel as I have, but I was thrilled when he admitted this weekend, "Sweetpea, I think I've got the travel bug." YES!
Monday, November 14, 2011
I promised myself I would be uber diligent about my OPKs this month. And, as anyone who's had the pleasure of peeing on one would understand, when the urge hits you have to take advantage.
Even if that is in the third stall down in the dirty San Diego airport bathroom.
Even if the room is filled with other women speaking at least three different languages.
Even if you're a shy pee'er and it's all you can do to go at all.
Life of an Infertile Fact #94 - peeing on whatever you have you, whenever you have to do it.
Wednesday, November 9, 2011
She and her husband have struggled to make their family. They've said goodbye to two children who were born too soon and we miss those beautiful angels every single day. They are a couple of the bravest people I have ever met. They've faced these unthinkable obstacles and manage to still bring beauty to this crappy world. She's the first person in line to hold my hand when I'm sad. The first person to give an encouraging word to someone in need. To send love and care to everyone else.
They've just recently (as in last week) completed their certification for foster-to-adopt. Guess what call they received? They may have a placement today.
Please keep them in your thoughts and prayers. These two are going to be phenomenal parents. These children they are going to bring into their lives are so incredibly fortunate. I love them with all of my heart and cannot wait to see joy and love fill their home.
This is what I am thankful for today. Hope. Love. And all things completely awesome.
Tuesday, November 8, 2011
(Clockwise from the top-left - J and I in The Brewhouse, brilliant fall colors on the Western Washington University campus, Whistler Village, the Peace Arch at the Washington/BC border, getting a little friendly with a local)
The weekend was gorgeous. We made quite a few stops on the trip north and really enjoyed the beautiful fall weather. Sunshine, gorgeous fall color, and the crisp air. I have to say, fall is quickly becoming my favorite season. There is just no place quite as beautiful as the NW in the fall.
Sunday, November 6, 2011
This weekend was no exception. We spent the weekend in Whistler, BC with some great friends. It was a fabulous distraction. The drive up to Whistler is stunning. The mountains come straight into the sea. Everything is lush and green. Except, of course, for the gorgeous fall foliage.
Whistler was chilly, so it meant our shopping and beer drinking was done in scarves and beanies. There was patches of snow on the ground as we drank lattes and spent quality time with our pals. What never stopped? Our laughter.
Our pals are just as witty and sarcastic as we are. We spent a solid two days giving each other a hard time, poking fun, telling old stories, and genuinely having a good time. Sure, the shopping certainly didn't hurt! But at the end of the day, what brings me back to myself is a good belly laugh with people I can about. We didn't need fancy dinners and glamorous nights out in the village. We needed a few cold beers, a deck of cards, and our collective banter. Jokes like, "That's what she said!" and your mama jokes may be corny to sophisticated folk, but whispered under your breath to a pal when the woman standing next to you looks up to the mountain and says, "Wow, it's just so big!"... well, that's simply pure awesomeness.
This week - the first in November - I'm grateful for laughter. It's been my life line.
Friday, November 4, 2011
I am so happy for our friends. Happy and hopeful that they will get a full term healthy and happy baby.
I'm also struggling. I know it is so so so wrong to be jealous that they've been pregnant 3 times in 6 months.
I am grateful that I was working late when J had dinner with them to get the good news.
Working through these conflicts is a tricky, tricky, beast. Thrilled for them, jealous and sad for me. Crazy with a side of nutso, welcome to my world.
Meanwhile I will just fester in my wave of crazy while I pray for their babies health and for our future. Oh, and have a cocktail with my friends because it's Friday and we're headed out for the weekend. Yes, that will definitely help!
TGIF my dear friends.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
Scene: out to a nice dinner, MIL comes in and we're already seated.
MIL: Well, hello! I hope I didn't leave you waiting.
J: Nope, not at all. We just ordered drinks.
MIL: (to me) What are you having to drink tonight?
Me: Vodka 7
MIL: Oh, well then... Nevermind! I guess that answers my question.
Me & J: Huh?! (Exchange looks of bewilderment)
MIL: Well... if she's drinking she's not... you know...
J: Pregnant?? No, she's not.
I cannot imagine why we waited three years until we told her. This cannot happen each time we get together or there will need to be words.
The status of my uterus is not open dinner conversation. She's lucky I didn't start telling her about being on my period while she enjoyed her shrimp cocktail. But, how do you delicately broach that subject?