Friday, February 25, 2011

McSkinny Friday

This week was less than miraculous. BUT, I refuse to be anything but positive about it.

Official Weigh-In: 184

That is a loss of 1lb this week. A total of 17lbs in 5 weeks! It isn't the 4lbs of last week, but it is still a loss! This week the thing I am most proud of is that I lived my life. I went out for girls weekend, had a marvelous time (that may have involved one -or 5- too many drinks, not diet approved...), I was too busy to bother with the gym but for one day, and you know what? I loved it. At the end, I lost a pound, and it was just a little icing on the cake. Not a bad week, eh?

This week I am focusing on drinking more water. I've been kind of slacking in that area, so its time to get with the program.

One more week of this diet and then it's back to the real world! Let's see if I can go out with a bang.

Peace, love, and a size smaller jeans,

Thursday, February 24, 2011

Sharing a Video

This morning one of my Twitter peeps (@FormerlyFertile) mentioned this video and I thought I would share with you all. Just in case you haven't seen it.

The video is about a news anchor that is speaking out about her struggle with infertility and the power of support.

I am so happy to see more and more women drawing attention to infertility. My hope is that this trend will continue and that over time IF will be less taboo. That there will be more research. More insurance coverage. More support for women like you and me.

So, check it out

Thank you for being my support group. You mean the world to me.

No Longer Obese

My weight has always been something I've struggled with. For I don't even know how long (8? 9? years), I've been considered obese. Before that, it was the evil chart in the doctors office. The one where you followed the line across until it you got to your weight and it told you if you were normal. Such crap.

Do any one of you have Wii Fit? When I would step on the fitness board it would groan and my avatar would plump up. Ugh.... that feeling rivals any ache my gut has received from IF. It's awful. Now, I actually want to get back on it. Even if it is only to tell the little effer to go to hell.

With last weeks weigh in, and according to BMI measurements, I am officially no longer obese. Is it strange that I'm happy to be 'only' overweight? I've finally come under that magical '30%'. It won't be until I can break the 25% barrier that I will be considered normal.

While I don't put too much stock in the whole BMI thing, it was still nice to see. I know that everyone is built differently and it is only a reference or guideline. But, it still felt good. It felt good to accomplish something. To put another tick in the win column. And as I'm sure many of you can relate - it feels pretty awesome to collect a win.

Monday, February 21, 2011

Not just another baby shower.

Yesterday I attended the baby shower of a life long friend. I'm still trying to work through exactly how I feel about it.

B and I have known each other our entire lives. Now that we live across the state, we don't see each other as often, but she's still my family. We went to the same schools, played sports together, sleep overs, talked boys, attended each others weddings, and more recently discussed our mutual struggles with infertility. She found out she was pregnant almost three years ago, just before my wedding. She had a missed-miscarriage a few weeks later and a chemical pregnancy about 6 months after that. We each were struggling in our own way.

Time passed and we would occasionally check in. Compare notes. Early last fall, I learn - on Facebook - that they are pregnant. I don't know if she was scared to tell me, forgot, didn't think about it, but that's how it worked out. Good ol' Facebook fills me in again. Months pass, I've sent her a private message about how truly happy I am for her and how wonderful she will be as a mother. Two weeks ago I got a card from her mother inviting me to the shower. I rsvp'd immediately and it was here before I knew it. I made the baby blanket, wrapped her other gifts, and showed up on time.

It was really great, and kind of hard, to see her pregnant. Proud of her resilience, being happy that she is so happy, rubbing the belly that holds her son. At the same time I'm sad to be left behind, again. I know that she debriefed her family because I did not get a single, 'When are you and J starting a family??' That's just her style. Again, not a bad thing to avoid, but kind of sad that people I've known my whole life may be looking at me differently then they would have otherwise. Polite questions with a dash of pity. Is it all in my head? Maybe. But I spend a lot of time in there, so to me, the feeling is all the same.

Her sister made us all cry. The mother of 5 year old twins, she read a card filled with well wishes and offerings to always be there for her - in hopes that she can be half as good an aunt as B has been to her children. ...insert waterworks here... A very sweet moment.

We hugged, made plans for me to visit when the little one arrives. Shared a big hug and I was on my way. My eyes welling once I closed my car door. I couldn't put my finger on it exactly, but I know it is my own doing. Nothing they made me feel, or said. They were lovely. Hugged me because we haven't seen each other in too long. It's about me. About feeling left behind. Even jealous. Being upset with myself about being jealous, like B and I were 7 again and she got the better 10 speed for Christmas. Or like when I was 8 and my parents got divorced and hers got to stay married. It felt childish and from another time, but the sting was still there.

Today I'm better. Better able to reconcile my happiness for my friend and to file away that tiny sting in my heart. Understanding better that the sting doesn't mean I'm not happy for my friend, just that I'm hurting a bit for me. For us. And what we wish would be.

Saturday, February 19, 2011

Let's see how I measure up!

While it is a week later than I'd planned to give you an update, finally the measurements are here! It feels really great to see these numbers continue to tick down. These numbers are crucial to me. At the end of the day, this is what it's all about. The scale obviously changes more drastically, but I wouldn't care if the scale didn't budge another inch, so long as I continued to trim down. It's all about feeling more confident, being more healthy, and damnit - feeling good in your jeans!

Without further ado, below are the updated measurements:I am really proud of the progress. It isn't perfect, by any means. In fact, I still have to take a deep breath before I hit 'Publish Post'. I mean, helllloooo Big Booty Judy - my hips are 12.5" larger than my waist! Why did the song Baby Got Back come to mind? But, I am happy to be slimming down pretty evenly all over.

There it is, folks! Two more weeks of the diet and we'll see where we land. I certainly wouldn't mind another drop like the last two weeks. Meanwhile I'm going to enjoy the almost two feet I've disposed of in the last month, by getting ready for my night out.

(Oh hey, another benefit of shrinking legs - less to shave!)

My weight on the scale Thursday also marks an important milestone. Since I've started this weight loss journey, almost exactly 4 years ago, I have lost a grand total of 50lbs! FIFTY. At my heaviest, when J and I got engaged, I was 236lbs. The prospect of getting to this place was daunting then. It's taken me a very long time, but I'm doing it. I didn't gain it over night, and I had (still have...) a lot of emotional baggage to slog through to get here. But, I'm very proud of myself. It may be my greatest accomplishment to date. Thank you all for your continued support. It means a great deal to me!

Friday, February 18, 2011

McSkinny Friday *Updated*

Good morning! If you follow me on Twitter, you probably already know that I was pretty excited with my progress this week. I won't delay your suspense any longer. This weeks weigh official weigh in:


That is a loss of FOUR POINT EIGHT EL-BEES! I could not believe it. I was astonished. At almost 4pm, full clothed, I weighed 185. That felt great!

The real celebration for me came this morning. It caused me to dance on the scale: 183.6. Do you know what that means? I have lost 20.4lbs since the beginning of the year and 17.4 in the last month. I could not possibly be happier with the progress. Twenty pounds! That is half way to my 40lbs goal. Already! I can see my stomach getting flatter and my jeans getting too big, it is a pretty great feeling.

Folks, I am about to weigh the actual weight on my drivers license. Whoa nelly. Wait, does that mean I can lie again and drop it another 20?! (J, just read that and said, "No!" lol) I suppose I can wait to fix it until I actually weigh 160. I never thought that day would actually come. I honestly had given up for awhile there. To have this control and confidence back is priceless. For those of you out there really struggling to find your place in the weight loss regime - it can happen. You will find that thing that works for you and it feels amazing. Worth the suffering and the having to do without. Worth every moment.

I had a really great acupuncture appointment again. He is continuing to step up our regimen each week, so there are a couple of points that were pretty sore yesterday. We had another really great chat. We talked a little about the power of a genuine compliment. I have been receiving quite a few of them, especially at work, recently. Intellectually I understand that receiving a compliment feels good. But, I don't think I really knew how deeply insecure and depressed I was until these compliments started pulling me back up. I didn't realize that I even needed that. And to have this realization and to really feel good about myself, is excellent timing considering I have an interview later today. It could mean even more good things for me!

This week was a pretty great one. Tomorrow night I am headed out with some of my favorite girls and I'm going to wear the hell out of my new party dress. This one (in dark gray):

This week has certainly been cause for a little celebration. Go Me!

ETA: Folks, today I bought a pair of new jeans. Not just any jeans, but a pair of size 12's! She same pair I looked like a busted can of biscuits in a couple of weeks ago. Yup, they FIT! Like, totally, fit. Really well. No muffin top. No camel toe. No squishing of any kind!

Thursday, February 17, 2011

ABC's of Me

To prevent myself from neglecting my blog too much, I decide to borrow this idea from Josey.

(A) Age: 26

(B) Bed Size: Queen. J and I love our bed. I don't know that I'd ever get a king. As it is, we snuggle from the time we fall asleep, until we wake up. If we've fallen apart in the night, and one of us wakes up, we come back together.

(C) Chore You Hate: Laundry. Especially folding it!

(D) Dogs? 2 - Lacey our beautiful 1yo yellow lab; and Harley - our sweet 7yo chocolate lab

(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Breakfast. And a hairdryer.

(F) Favorite Color: I'm in a bit of an orange phase. But a love green too.

(G) Gold or Silver? Silver. Or white gold.

(H) Height: 5'7"

(I) Instruments You Play: I played the saxophone in elementary school, does that count? lol I can play some basic songs on the piano and otherwise jam out in my car or dance around the house and sing with J (we're always making up our own words)

(J) Job Title: Manager

(K) Kids: Someday.

(L) Live: The great Pacific Northwest (Seattle area)

(M) Mom's Name: Diana

(N) Nicknames: Sweetpea is my favorite.

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? Nope.

(P) Pet Peeve: Socks with sandals, hanging 'stinky trees' in your rear view mirror, and interrupting

(Q) Quote from a Movie: "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!" Finding Nemo

(R) Right or Left Handed? Right

(S) Siblings: 1 sister

(T) Time You Wake Up? 3:50am (yes, I can hear you groan)

(U) Underwear: There was a line of no-line thongs from Tarjay that I loved, but they don't carry them anymore. Now it is mostly VS underoos for this girl.

(V) Vegetable You Dislike: I can't think of one. I even googled a list of veggies, to see what I could find. I'm sure there is something...

(W) What Makes You Run Late: Hardly anything. I feel like I'm always early. Oh, when we have to get dressed up to go out, I can run late. Usually because my hair won't hold a curl, or I have to iron J's shirts.

(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: Tons. Wrist (at least twice), fingers, my ankle (at least a half dozen times)...

(Y) Yummy Food You Make: My lasagna, chili, and meatloaf are delish!

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: I love the African animals at the zoo - lions, zebras, giraffe, etc.

Feel free to play along!

Weigh in and check up are today. McSkinny Friday will have the results. Fingers are crossed!

Wednesday, February 16, 2011

I'll fess up, I'm a slacker.

I haven't posted in quite a few days and I didn't even show up this weekend with measurements like I promised. Do you know who we can blame?


We can blame her for just about everything though. AF decided that she couldn't live without me on Valentine's Day, so she decided to pay me (another) visit. She's a clingy bitch like that. Because she has a tendency to over pack, I was left with major bloat and water retention. Peeps, my scale went up 3lbs in a day. Not to mention the awful cramps and nausea I had on Monday. Even J said, "Are you okay? Your face looks a little puffy..." Greeeaaat.

I am deflating a bit and should be able to have some numbers for you this Friday.

J and his boys are having a guys weekend, that they have lovingly named Man Camp 2011. Each of them are SO excited. They have a weekend away from wives and girlfriends (and a daughter, one is a single dad), in the woods, in a cabin, with bad food, beer, bonfires, beer, and I'm sure a good amount of foul language and discussion of bodily functions, just for good measure.

Us girls on the other hand are a bit more civilized. (don't laugh!) Friday night I am flying solo. I have an interview that day and plan to come home and veg for the evening. Maybe I'll have a friend over for a movie night or something. All I know is that there will be pj's and snuggling with my pups. Saturday night we are turning it on. The 5 of us have Pricelined a room in Downtown Seattle. We're meeting there in the late afternoon to get all dolled up. (Folks, if you could just see my new Banana Republic dress, just waiting for me to tear the tags... love it!) We're going out to a late dinner, having drinks and going dancing, and then crashing at a fancy hotel for the night. The next morning it is brunch and home before the boys stumble home smelling like farts and campfire.

Ever since I started my diet I have been dreading this weekend. How will I behave? Now that it is here, I cannot believe I was thinking of backing out. I love these girls. Any weight gain (not that there will be!) would be worth it for quality time with them.

Do you have any fun weekend plans?

Friday, February 11, 2011

McSkinny Friday!

Well good morning my lovelies. Why am I so chipper you ask? Well, that might just be because this weeks weigh in went much better than I anticipated!

Thursday Official Weigh In: 189.8


That is another loss of 3.6lbs or for those of you struggling to do the math (like me) - 11.2lbs in THREE WEEKS. Sorry for the caps, but were they not totally necessary?? I'm so proud of myself. Even after beating myself up over last weekend I still pulled off another awesome loss. My goal for this week has nothing to do with the scale (although I'll be damned if you get me to stop now) - I've got to stop being so hard on myself. I'm human. I'm going to make mistakes. But it is all about learning from those mistakes and not allowing them to happen over and over. Thanks, Josey, for the encouragement when I needed it last week. You all have been wonderful support.

My energy is officially back. I'm starting to pick back up at the gym too. Not 100% to where I was, but I'm getting there. It's all about one day at a time. Am I right or am I right? I think my vitamin D is really helping in this area too. I'm just feeling so much better.

Want to know what I love? My husband calling me skinny. It isn't true, by any means, but he's really noticing and keeps telling me how much he loves it. His new favorite past time is wrestling around with me (not in that way you dirty perves). I usually could hold my own, but now he just dominates me. Punk! Okay, part of me loves it when he picks me up and tosses me on the bed. Not going to lie about that. ::wink::

I would be remiss if I neglected to mention - I was able to buy a new dress shirt for work - in a medium. Hellstotheyes! I danced in the dressing room and took a full minute to admire my waist. Do you know how long it has been since I've been truly giddy in the dressing room? I mean, we all know that lighting dreadful and I still rocked it.

Three weeks down, three more weigh ins to go. Then, I'm on my own. Do you think I'll be ready?

I do.

More measurements this weekend. Stay tuned!

Monday, February 7, 2011

Less than 100 days!

Folks, there is LESS THAN ONE HUNDRED DAYS until our European extravaganza!

Down to the double digits folks.

Unfortunately with our busy schedules I haven't made much more official progress on our trip. We've discussed a never ending stream of hotels, discussed itineraries, and giggled excitedly at the thought of it being here before we know it. But, have we booked anything? Nope! I'm too busy trying to shape up to actually prepare for our lodging!

I think it's time to get on it. I hope to have some time this weekend to put in some time on the trip. Here are some things I want to accomplish before month end.

*Hotels - at least the big ones
- our arrival in London
- castles in Ireland

*Tours - there are two tours we're considering
- Stonehenge and Bath (from London)
- Ring of Kerry (Ireland)

*Price and book flights for London -> Dublin, and back from Galway -> London.

I would also like to pick up another memory card for my camera and maybe pick up a better bag for my gear. Also, which camera gear should I take?? Any tips?

Hurry up, May!

Saturday, February 5, 2011

Diet Fail

Today was not a good day for my diet. It didn't start off bad. After sleeping in, I had my usual smoothly for breakfast. After that we had some errands to run. One of those errands included stopping by Kohl's because the jeans I have are getting pretty loose.

Folks, I was able to put on and button a pair of 12's! I admit it wasn't the sexiest look - the camel toe and decent sized muffin top left a liiittle to be desired, but did I mention they were both ON and BUTTONED!? Happiness is found in these little moments. Next time, I'm buying them!

After our running around it was time for lunch. We were with J's dad and ate out at a local restaurant. I thought I did well by ordering a grilled chicken breast and broccoli. Except the broccoli was drenched in delicious butter. Here's the thing - I was starving so I ate it anyway. Oops! I kicked myself once it was gone. But, it was SO delicious. So was the half a roll I shared with J. Double oops!

Next came dinner with for my sisters birthday. Her 21st birthday! That meant we started the meal with a shot of tequila. I ordered fairly well by getting a chicken taco salad with no cheese and pico de gallo instead of dressing. Except the beans on my sisters plate called my name a few times. I ate the whole salad. I'm fairly sure it was about twice the amount of chicken I should have had. And who knows what the salt content was. Yikes!

We ended up at a friends house for the remainder of the evening where the boys ordered pizza. I stole a small bite of J's slice. That led to another two small bites. I basically ate a slice of pizza. Craaaaaaap.

On their own these little things aren't a huge deal, but they probably add up to quite a few hundred calories by the end of the day! All things considered for a cheat day, I probably could have done worse, but the guilt is pretty heavy at the moment. To pay for my debts, I will definitely be visiting the gym tomorrow morning.

Especially since there is a Super Bowl party in my future. Please pray that I can keep my strength and willpower!

Friday, February 4, 2011

Meal Plan

As requested, I will run you through what my meals look like in a typical day...

Breakfast Options:
*Shake - made with a large scoop of a vanilla protein shake, blueberries, strawberries, and ice/water

*Egg white omelet - including a lean protein (chicken or turkey), and veggies (bell pepper and onion) personally I'm not a huge fan of egg whites, so I've only done this a couple of times.

Veggies (celery sticks, cucumbers, bell peppers

*Wasa crackers and pico de gallo


Salad - mixed greens and whatever I'm feeling that day (or have in the refrigerator); cucumbers, grape tomatoes, radish, bell peppers, and/or sprouts - no dressing for me, so I will alternate between different vinegars and a mustard/splenda combo that a nice waitress told me about (don't knock it - delish! compared to plain salad).

*Lean protein (shrimp, turkey, chicken, white fish halibut/cod) either on the side, or in the salad if I'm feeling frisky.

Shake before the gym

A protein (as described above) - I can have red meat or pork occasionally, so I might switch that in here or there

*Flat Out - I can have one of these a day. Most of the time I eat it with dinner and make a wrap out of whatever I happen to be eating.

*Veggies - asparagus, broccoli, etc

I have been trying to cook my lunch meats ahead of time. One of my favorite lunches is fajita filling. Taking a couple of chicken breast, I cut it into strips, seasoning it with taco seasoning and salt/pepper. I bake them on a cookie sheet along with cut up strips of bell pepper and onion. I cook enough of them to split up into containers that cover lunch for a few days. Cooking in bulk has saved me from having to decide last minute what I am going to eat. Eliminating the risk that I will choose something unhealthy.

But really, it's a lot of salad.

Lastly, and what I feel is most important, is the water. Lots of it. The only day I haven't recorded a loss is when I didn't meet my water expectations. Doc says that at a minimum we should drink a third of our weight in oz each day. When I got started I weighed 201lbs, that means I need to drink a minimum of 67oz a day (201/3). For simplicity I call it 70oz, even as I lose weight. The hardest part is remembering it throughout the day. I drink a pretty good amount of water anyway, but it is helping me be more consistent.

I know this wasn't a glamorous recipe book and I apologize for that. But, honestly, I really haven't done anything too fancy. I am going to start looking up different recipes and as I try something new that I enjoy, I will be sure and share it here.

Please feel free to ask if you have any additional questions. I'm happy to share my experience.

McSkinny Friday

Thursday official weigh in: 193.5

That's an additional loss of 3.5lbs!

I've got to stop weighing myself at home first, because I'm always disappointed with the doctors scale, which is about 2 full pounds higher than mine. But, official weights it is and 3.5lbs is actually something I'm quite proud of! GO ME!

After two weeks, here are my measurements and the changes:
Acupuncture is still going very well. I feel a bit better after each treatment. I've got less neck/shoulder tension (it isn't cured yet, but it is better!), I haven't had a headache since my last visit, and the circulation (to my hands and feet especially) seems to have improved. In addition to my treatments I am trying to focus more on my posture. Not until I started paying attention to it did I realize how often I am hunched over with my shoulders scrunched up to my ears.

I feel as though I'm in a really good place right now. I've discovered recently that I have a bit of an obsessive personality. Basically, once I get an idea in my head, it is really difficult for me to shake it. All of my thoughts surround it. That becomes very clear to me when I examine our TTC adventures. Not only did we decide to ditch the pill, but I started researching names, doing budgets, researching our health care, looking at nursery designs, and window shopping. Not to mention the blogging, the message board, the temping, charting, ovulation tests, meds, doctors appointments, fertility yoga, vitamins, diet changes, etc, etc, etc. I basically jumped right in the deep end and have now spent over two years drowning in it.

While I don't think I'm cured (hello my constant posts about my diet...), I think my energies have been focused in a more productive direction. Onto something I can control and that is actively improving my life. My diet, managing my stress, improving my job situation, and lastly (my favorite) our trip to Europe. I finally feel like I am living my life again. I have goals and a purpose. Do I still want to start my family? Absolutely. Can I control exactly when and how that happens? No. So instead of stressing myself out in a spiral of unproductiveness, I had to redirect my efforts.

I believe doing so will help me in a two important ways....

1. Dropping weight will do nothing but help me manage my PCOS. Improving my health, self image, confidence, and lastly my ability to conceive.

2. Focusing on aspects of my life I can control helps me manage my stress, to enjoy my life, and to relax. And we all know what 'they' say about relaxing... it certainly can't hurt in the baby making process.

So, in a way, while we're not focusing only on baby making, we're still working towards our goal of conception. Sure it may be a little less of a direct route, but that road wasn't really working out for us anyway, now was it? Part of me knew all along that I wasn't acting in a way that was productive and healthy. While I was in that tornado it was really hard to step away. I suppose I had to wait until the time was right. Until I was ready to focus on me again. On my relationships, my health, and my life.

I'm happy to report that I'm back. A little banged up after that ride, but I'm ready to trudge forward.

Thursday, February 3, 2011

The Gym: Revisited

Yesterdays work out was definitely easier. Not easy by any means, but I made it through my full work out. I was totally wiped after, but in a good productive kind of way. I was proud of myself for sticking through it until the end.

I am feeling better and better each day. Less tired, better energy, and a little less like I'm going to eat my arm if I can't get a damn potato. I've found some new recipes and even more variety which I'm happy about. It gets easier as I see more progress.

Tomorrow I will have a couple of posts for your viewing pleasure. First, my weigh in - including measurements. Lastly - some information on my meal plans. Stay tuned!