Thursday, October 28, 2010

Skinny Husbands

They just don't get it!

In the car Tuesday night I tried bringing up a fresh start for November 1st. Through work I have access to this meal planner for different diets (diabetic diet, vegan, etc). It will give you a months meal plans and it assembles the grocery list for you! Cool, huh? I wanted to purge the crap and stock myself with leans meats, veggies, and healthy snacks. If crap isn't in the house than I won't be tempted. I would like to go this route until I get myself to a place where eating healthy is my habit.

For those that don't know my husband - he can be pretty stubborn. And skinny. Boy likes his routine. His lunches consist of the same type of thing almost every day. I probably didn't approach this conversation the best way, but before I could even explain what I wanted or why it was important to me he just shut me down. 'Why can't I still have it and you just not eat it?' I tried to tell him it was hard for me. 'If you know it isn't good for you, I don't understand why you can't just leave it alone.' That one stung a little. I snapped back that it wasn't important that he understood why it was hard for me. It was his job to just appreciate that it is a struggle for me and to try and be supportive. And then we didn't say another two words to each other the whole ride and I just silently cried in the passenger seat.

I don't want to do this alone. I was hoping that our household could go forward with a good healthy start. We both could benefit from eating better. He has been so supportive through our whole IF struggle. Going to almost every appointment, being the strong one while I cried, pumping me up before I told my mom, etc. I think that is why I was so shocked to be rejected so quickly.

I'm going to need strength. Perseverance to leave 'his food' alone. Even when I don't feel like cooking a full meal, I need to be sure that I have healthy quick options available. Perhaps I need to empty out the pantry and organize a couple of shelves just for me? Thankfully I cook the majority of our meals and he always eats whatever I cook without complaint. I will start there. Good dinners and healthy snacks for work.

If you have a good recipe (basically low carb) that you'd like to share, I would love to have it! The more variety the better.

For now I'm going to bake a pie - to throw at that husband of mine. Gotta love 'em.

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

McFatty Everyday


The past few weeks I have really been struggling with my weight. Between when I stopped taking meds mid-August and the first week of October I gained a whopping 10lbs. And about another 2ish since then. Sure there have been days where I haven't behaved, but those days existed prior to my quitting meds and I didn't gain like this. Maybe a l.b. here or there, but being more active that week would see to those pretty quickly. The only thing I can think to blame is PCOS. That scale just pisses me off most days. I promised myself when I got under the 200 mark that I would never see that number on the scale again. When I got below 190 (187 was my lowest I believe) I thought that goal was safe.

HA! Yeah right...

200.3 was what I weighed this morning.

13lbs! FRICK!

J decided a few weeks ago he wanted to go to the gym with me. I was so excited! We have a slightly (HA!) competitive edge and I knew he would be just what I needed to push myself. That was until last week when J ended up at the walk in clinic because he was getting chest pains and time he exerted himself. Since then he's had to take it easy (so far tests show that he should be a-ok). Between that and our busy schedule I haven't made it a priority for about a week.

That gym may be my only salvation. If I gain 13lbs in 7 weeks while managing my portions and trying to eat a balanced diet, beating myself at the gym is the next step. I know this, but it is just so frustrating to suffer that way and not see any progress. I've tried restrictive diets and they just don't work for me. Our lifestyle doesn't lend itself to that. How am I going to live the rest of my life? Medication is not something I'd like to pursue if I can avoid it.

I will say that a friend of mine started seeing a naturopath and getting acupuncture. She's had rave reviews about both. I know that acupuncture can help with IF issues as well, so I am going to give it a try. I've been talking about it for a couple months now and if could help with my PCOS, maybe it would help with my weight problem as well? Perhaps if I saw a nutritionist I could get a better handle on my diet? I know that eating different types of foods along with carbs (my weakness and the PCOS Devil) can help you process them more efficiently. Has anyone ever seen a nutritionist? Was it helpful to you?

Struggling with the scale,
Mrs. S

Sunday, October 24, 2010

Don't worry, I'm still alive!

Obviously I've been on a bit of a blogging hiatus. I think it is something that every blogger goes through occasionally. Please don't take it personally, I just needed some me time. I've been thinking about all of those that I follow and am looking forward to catching up. But, I've been SO busy. Work is a nuthouse, I've been back at the gym in the evenings, photography classes, etc.

I'm sorry I've been away for so long. To make up for it - here's a glimpse of what I've been up to...

Friday, October 8, 2010


I know that I have mentioned a few times around these parts that I am getting into photography. I have taken a few classes and do work here and there for friends. I really enjoy being behind the camera.

I started a landscape photography class yesterday and, as the discussion of photography always does, it got me excited. I have found my thing. My passion. That piece of my life that inspires me and makes me want to do something great. That two hours in class did more to break me from my funk than anything else I've been doing the last two whole months. I want to be great at this. I want to talk about photography, travel, absorb myself in subjects of all varieties, and my ultimate goal is to have someone feel something about a piece of work I've created.

I love the books my teacher assigns for class. They're excellent with instruction and methodology, but they also contain beautiful pieces of art. Each picture makes me feel something different, but that's just the thing - they evoke a physical response. That is my goal. I want one day for something I have done to move someone else. Because that is what I feel make a photograph memorable. We've all seen thousands and thousands of pictures in our life, but there are only a few that stick with us. For each of us those few are different.

I'm excited to be this excited.

Thursday, October 7, 2010

Crazy Schedule

This week has been insane. I almost typed out for you here what my planner looks like this week. Perhaps I will take a photo instead... NUTS. It is Customer Service Week and here at work that is always great fun - FOR EVERYONE ELSE. For me it consists of running around like a chicken with my head cut off for 5.5 straight days until I collapse in a heap under my desk. There are breakfasts to cook (for 75 peeps!), lunches to serve, desserts to bake, etc etc etc etc. Not to mention the activities/games going on throughout the week. Best part of the whole week is tomorrow. It is Crazy Hat Day and I have that in the bag. These punks better bring their crazy hat game, because I've just brought this shindig up a notch. Thankfully everyone does have a good time and I get lots of thank you's and job well done's. Planning is my thing and I pretty much kick ass at it, if I do say so myself.

In addition to CS Week I had a workshop to attend Tuesday. It was all day long and since it didn't get out until 5 I got to sit in traffic for about an hour and 45 minutes to get home. Looong day. Last night I spent the whole evening baking cookies. Monster Cookies - you're welcome. Tonight I start my next photography class. I am SO excited. The only downfall is that it isn't over until 9pm and that is usually my bedtime (I know, I'm old! But you try getting up at 3:50. Yes, I mean AM.). O'well, it is totally worth the exhaustion.

Sunday is where the shit really hits the proverbial fan. It is the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk. My company is a sponsor of this event and we supply the registration tent volunteers. So, I will be at the park (about 40 miles from my house) at 7am on Sunday to get prepped and ready. From 9-12 I have a photography field trip. At 2pm I have my first ever paid photography gig (WOOOOOOT!). And then that evening we are going to dinner for the FIL's birthday.

And then I die.

At least that's the plan.

Needless to say - I took Monday off. Because once I die I don't think I'll be able to leave my bed for at least 23.25 hours.

B.U.S.Y. week, no? I know I'm leaving things out, but frankly I've got a lot going on at the moment, so cut me some slack alright? Next week should settle down and that is when I intend on making my first therapy appointment. I should be sufficiently distracted from my own mind until then. Don't you think?

Wish me luck - I'm off and running!

Friday, October 1, 2010

Where I cried in front on my HR rep.

My HR rep and I meet every once in awhile and catch up. We talk about my department, how things are running, where the stress points our. Our chats are always friendly, we even find time to joke and laugh. I genuinely like her. She is a very nice person. When I've had to fire folks she helps me prepare and be confident down to more simple tasks like keeping me from killing another employee when they do or say stupid stuff. She's good people.

I think that's why during our coffee chat yesterday - I lost my shit and cried at Starbucks. She was the first person, outside of typing here on this blog, to which I have said out loud - it has been two years.

Let me back up a bit and set the scene. We were sitting on a pair of comfy sofas and both venting about how hectic work has been. How we're always tasked to 'do more with less' (I now do 2.5 peoples jobs). We started down the path of how, personally, we've both had very busy summers and that I think that is contributing to my overall stress. I'm typically very good at compartmentalizing. My home crap is my home crap and it stays at home, and my work crap is my work crap and it stays at work. Nowadays my crap is overflowing and I'm practically swimming in it.

She asked 'Are there things in your personal life you can control to slow you down? Plans you can cancel or postpone?' I said there probably was and somehow I started talking about our IF struggle. I started crying and apologizing for crying. She was really great. She said not to apologize and that sometimes we just need a good cry (ain't that just the truth!?) and that it was what she was here for. She kept the questions and conversation light. She honestly would make a very good counselor. Patient and calm. I can usually manage when one piece of my life is chaos, but this summer - it has all been that way. Sometimes it is just too much all at once.

I didn't really recover yesterday. Even her sending me a meeting request for our next day made my eyes well up. Even Modern Family made me shed a tear.

Having your 2 year ttc anniversary the week you're supposed to start your period is a mean mean joke. lol I'm grateful that it is Friday. That I get to spend quality time with my friends and have a beer, or two, at Oktoberfest. Because sometimes as badly as I need that good cry, I need more for a good laugh and a good distraction from the craziness that is my life.