Where I cried in front on my HR rep.

My HR rep and I meet every once in awhile and catch up. We talk about my department, how things are running, where the stress points our. Our chats are always friendly, we even find time to joke and laugh. I genuinely like her. She is a very nice person. When I've had to fire folks she helps me prepare and be confident down to more simple tasks like keeping me from killing another employee when they do or say stupid stuff. She's good people.

I think that's why during our coffee chat yesterday - I lost my shit and cried at Starbucks. She was the first person, outside of typing here on this blog, to which I have said out loud - it has been two years.

Let me back up a bit and set the scene. We were sitting on a pair of comfy sofas and both venting about how hectic work has been. How we're always tasked to 'do more with less' (I now do 2.5 peoples jobs). We started down the path of how, personally, we've both had very busy summers and that I think that is contributing to my overall stress. I'm typically very good at compartmentalizing. My home crap is my home crap and it stays at home, and my work crap is my work crap and it stays at work. Nowadays my crap is overflowing and I'm practically swimming in it.

She asked 'Are there things in your personal life you can control to slow you down? Plans you can cancel or postpone?' I said there probably was and somehow I started talking about our IF struggle. I started crying and apologizing for crying. She was really great. She said not to apologize and that sometimes we just need a good cry (ain't that just the truth!?) and that it was what she was here for. She kept the questions and conversation light. She honestly would make a very good counselor. Patient and calm. I can usually manage when one piece of my life is chaos, but this summer - it has all been that way. Sometimes it is just too much all at once.

I didn't really recover yesterday. Even her sending me a meeting request for our next day made my eyes well up. Even Modern Family made me shed a tear.

Having your 2 year ttc anniversary the week you're supposed to start your period is a mean mean joke. lol I'm grateful that it is Friday. That I get to spend quality time with my friends and have a beer, or two, at Oktoberfest. Because sometimes as badly as I need that good cry, I need more for a good laugh and a good distraction from the craziness that is my life.