Thursday, September 6, 2012

Now Hiring: Wetnurse, Nanny, and a Housekeeper (A Vent.)

Cause damn it - I'm tired. Three nights of only sleeping in 45 minutes stretches has caught up. The days are starting to go really well. Lily is napping, breastfeeding is going a bit better (with one exception I'll talk about in a minute), we even made it to the grocery store yesterday. Then night time comes and the gloves come off. She wants to marathon feed and then will wake up the instant she's laid down. Or she'll lay awake forever just looking around... Or, like last night, I woke up, changed her diaper, she ate for almost 30 minutes, she burped and laid there forever. She finally closes her eyes almost 40 minutes later... and poops. So, I change her, she's wide awake again.. we rock and snuggle - and she asks for the boob again. And we start over.

Lord-e-mercy child! We could not get in sync last night. And since I didn't get a nap yesterday, there were tears. Snotty ones. And not two hours before we started settling down for the evening, I'd declared victory on the day. That's when the universe saw fit to karate chop me down a peg.

J did everything he could to help us and the poor guy had to work today - now add guilt. We finally got things settled a few hours later and I got strict orders to do nothing today but nap with the baby. Now - before you jump on me cause I'm online - she's laying here awake - I swear!

I'm trying to be patient with myself. To take things as the come. Allow myself space to learn and let everything else fall away. But that's hard! I want to have confidence that the next night will be better and that it's okay for me to get a few things done - you know, like shower and make dinner... only to self destruct later.


At our two week visit we hit another speed bump - Lily hasn't gained weight. She was 9lbs 14oz at three days and Tuesday, she was 9lbs 11oz. The nurse instantly suggested we supplement with formula. That was like a kick in my metaphorical nuts. I had some really great conversations with my friend Rachel (who called on her midwife and pediatric friends) for some advice. I've changed up some of our feeding - letting her go as long as she wants, even if that means spitting up (which has gotten more 'normal' again btw). The running theory is that at our three day visit, she wasn't done losing weight. My milk didn't come in until that day, so she probably lost weight for another couple days and is on the upswing now. So, we have another weigh-in on Friday. Until then I am not going to supplement. If she's continuing to lose weight, we'll talk about it again then. I really don't think my supply is an issue - I can tell they're full. If you have a spare positive thought - please think/pray/wish for a bit of weight gain tomorrow. We need a win around here.

Last nights drama? Also, breast feeding related. My left nipple is killing me. When Lily spit up last night - it was kind of thick and mucus-y (which is fine), but it was tinged with brown. The brown freaked us out. Turns out my nipple is bleeding a tiny bit. There is also a small white spot on the end of my nipple. I need to allow my nipples to air dry and switch away from the disposable breast pads to something that breathes better. When we visit the nurse on Friday, I am going to ask about thrush. I have been doing some reading (FYI - don't look at images of Thrush - it's enough to make anyone panic) and we have a fair amount of the symptoms, including the fact that we had antibiotics after labor (which can kill off the 'good' bacteria and encourage yeast growth). If I do have thrush, I know it would be minor. We'll see...

My stride could not be found soon enough. I love this little girl. The time we get to spend together, snuggle, and I get to look at her sweet face... the best in the universe. She is so stinkin cute and I just cannot believe she's ours. She's starting to be a bit more aware when she is awake. Wide eyed and checking things out. Every single day I'm in awe that she is here. Finally. For once I would just like a few less hurdles. Struggling to get her here, a long labor, tricky breastfeeding... fewer speed bumps and more time basking in her awesomeness is all I ask. Is that too much?

With all that said - yes, I am hiring. Not really, cause we're broke, but isn't it a nice dream? Nap with your sweet baby while someone else runs around cleaning, changing a thousand diapers a day, and chaffing their nipples? Meanwhile, I am off to feed my sweet girl. Dreaming that my nipples that are in one piece while I stroke her adorable chubby cheeks.

(I'm not even going to go back and read this. It was meant as a thought-dump and that's what it will be. Blech - there it is. Motherhood - Day 18.)

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Being a mom is scary stuff.

J and I joked a lot the day we were leaving the hospital. Mostly things like, "They don't need to do a background check on us before we leave with her??" "You mean, the nurse doesn't come home with us?" Nervous jokes filled the air as it settled in that we were taking our daughter home.

Now that we've been home a couple of weeks, we trade off being neurotic. "Is that normal? Is something wrong with her?" and the other typically responds with, "She's a baby, it's okay."

As a person who has struggled with anxiety, panic attacks, etc in the past - this is something I always try and stay keyed into as to avoid a problem. It hasn't been something that I really suffered with for years (college), but the anxiety will occasionally pop up in times of high stress. That has certainly been true with Lily at home. I have a harder time relaxing, especially if we're out, now that she's with us. I would call it more nervousness and nowhere near anxiety/panic attacks. But more on that another day. I can tell you what doesn't help - now Lily has started spitting up after breastfeeding. Not normally too big of a deal though, right?

Which leads us to last night. Commonly during the night I have to wake her up to nurse. It was 2:20 a.m. and about 3 hours since she'd eaten last. Lily was sound asleep when I picked her up from her bassinet. Our routine is to check/change her diaper, reswaddle, nurse, burp, snuggle, back to bed. As soon as I laid her down on the changing table - she was pissed. She started crying - and then she scared the shit out of me...

Her mouth was wide open, but no sound was coming out, she turned bright red and arched her back so that only her head and butt were on the table. I quickly picked her up, bounced and started firmly patting her on the back. She weakly burped and made this awful tiny little gasping noise. I immediately turned her over on my arm and smacked her good a couple of times on the back before she cried. (baby CPR style) I held her and kept trying to burp her while I woke J up for help. For about 20minutes or so she cried her little heart out while she worked up spit bubbles and a bit more spit up - through her mouth and nose. We tried to help clear her nose with the nasal aspirator, and basically did whatever we could think of to help clear her out. Three hours after she ate last.

By about 3:00 a.m. she was doing better - able to breath normally - so I was able to finally nurse her. We only went a few minutes at a time and I would burp her again before putting her back to the boob. Afterward I sat up with her - she was wide awake - for about another hour and a half. I didn't hardly take my eyes off her.

She's made a few gargle noises before when we'd lay her down after a nighttime feeding. Talk about an awful sound. You mind instantly goes to her aspirating on her own vomit while you fly out of bed to get to her in the bassinet. But nothing like this. If I never have to see that panicky look on her little face again, it will be too soon.

Thankfully she's been fine ever since. But holy hell did she about give us a heart attack.

To help manage her spitting up I've been trying to feed her for a shorter period of time (and more frequently) because I'm certain she's overeating. She's a comfort sucker (loves her binky - damnit), so she doesn't quit when she's full. We've also been trying to keep her more upright for awhile once she's done to let her tummy settle. I'm also trying to limit my diary. Some of it has helped, but I still feel like she's spitting up more than she should.

Has anyone else had trouble with spitting up? Any other suggestions for things I could try or something you did that was helpful? I know that some babies are just more prone to spitting up and as long as she's still gaining good weight, she's fine, but if there is something I can do to make her more comfortable I want to try it. Our two week pediatric appointment is Tuesday, so I plan to chat with the nurse then as well.

Being a parent is clearly a 24/7 fright fest. One worry to the next. Let's hope I at least live to see another birthday before I have my first heart attack.

Friday, August 31, 2012

Lily!

Hi everyone!

I fell off the face of the earth for a bit, but for good reason - Lily has arrived! She was born on August 19th. She is perfect and healthy and wonderful. I've been soaking up every second of her perfect little self.

What we didn't expect, at all, was her size - Lily came into the world at a whopping 10lbs 11oz!! Granted, I did have an epidural and we both were pretty pumped full of fluid, she's still a big baby! I gave my doctor a ration of crap for predicting that she'd be about 7.5lbs. lol

Here she is at one week:






She and I are still working to get the whole breastfeeding thing down. It's not easy! Add that to our other parental fumblings, mix in some good hormones, and the week has certainly had it's ups and downs. Thankfully J has been off work the past two weeks and we've been figuring it all out as a family.

Watching J become a father has been amazing. He is so in love with this little girl. He rarely even wants to put her down. I didn't think it was possible to love him any more, but I do.

I have quite a bit more I'd love to share about my first two weeks as a mama. So, I will be back! Meanwhile, we have our first big outing today. One of my best friends is getting married, so we're getting dressed up and headed out to a wedding! (Please, let's not talk about my lack of wardrobe at the moment - finding something to wear is always stressful enough without my new wider hips and rib cage. Eek!)

Monday, August 13, 2012

Nursery!

One of my favorite things to do is to stalk blogs and look at the beautiful nurseries people put together. There are so many awesome ideas and folks get so creative! So, how could I possibly deny you a peak at Lily's?? That wouldn't be very nice of me at all, especially since I cannot pass up a chance to show it off. I LOVE this space. I cannot believe how well it came together and how our hard work paid off. It has been a lot of work over the last few months, but we couldn't be happier.

Without further ado... a tour!


I love how the coral and blue came together.
 

Little bits of yellow and green throughout
 The frame above the shelf has a cut out section of a gift bag from one of my showers. 

 Some of the details - shelf frame and mirror above the changing table

 A closer detail on the ruffled crib skirt that I made. 
I am a hugely novice sewer - so I'm very proud of this! 

 
 Lily's friends, just waiting patiently for her to come home.  

 Diapers, all clean and fluffy, ready for her chubby little buns.

Side table stocked with handy things for snuggling in the glider (iPod, books, support pillow, etc)
Oooh, the fun things in her closet - blankets, hats, wraps, etc - can you spy her adorable pink shades??)

We really aren't too into 'themes', so this is where we landed. A good color scheme and an eclectic collection of things we love. Now it just needs a pretty baby to call it home. Enjoy! If you have questions about any of it, feel free to ask! I know how challenging it can be to find and borrow ideas. Ask away!

Tuesday, July 31, 2012

38 Weeks

Hello all! I know, I have officially fallen off the face of the earth. Life has been a little crazy as we're getting near the end of this pregnancy. There has been tons to do around the house, I'm getting things wrapped up with work, trying to sell our rental (again...) and you all know how plans go when summer time hits - madness.

While I still haven't exactly decided what I'd like to accomplish here on HimPlusMe going forward, I have been missing you all terribly. I try to keep up and follow where I can, even if I'm not commenting! I had a couple emails so I wanted to drop by and check in.

38 Fricken Weeks. Wow.

Time has flown by and I am so beyond grateful for this little girl. We are mostly put together and ready for her arrival and now it is just a waiting game. We just had our 38 week appointment yesterday and are both doing well.

Besides some braxton hicks contracts, we've had not other signs that things are eminent - not that it means anything! lol I'm fully planning for her to remain on the inside for at least another few weeks - anything earlier is just icing on the cake.

She's an active little stinker, that's for certain. I'm currently watching my belly morph into crazy shapes and shake all around. Someone's kung-fu fighting in there.

One of my favorite parts of this pregnancy has been watching J. He's still nesting (currently the man is out sanding the deck) and is determined to make this house in tip top shape for her arrival. The cutest part is that he knows she won't care a bit, but he wants to be sure that he's not distracted by any of the chaos and gets to just spend time with her. He's had such thoughtful questions and has really been involved in every aspect. The man has only missed one (maybe two...) of our appointments this whole pregnancy. Don't even get me started on his test driving strollers and such. A-fricken-dorable. He's grown so much already these last few months, that I simply cannot wait to see him meet his daughter.

Our relationship has grown as well. While we haven't necessarily been down for The Maritals as frequently - thank you aching pelvis - he's been so loving an affectionate. We've been communicating really well and talking constantly. I am so so lucky to be blessed with such a supportive husband.

Something I didn't anticipate would be how hard pregnancy is physically. I mean I knew, conceptually, that you get tired and worn down, but there have been days I felt like I was in a car accident or something. My joints are not used to the strain (thanks to my lack of restraint, we're talking all 40 extra pounds of strain), my rib is still displaced - although not as painful as early on, and sleeping just means my hips ache. I've been seeing a chiropractor fairly regular and it has made a world of difference day-to-day. So, it's manageable, but certainly not something I was prepared for. Pregnancy isn't for wusses! lol

I cannot wait for the next few weeks to pass so that we can meet our girl when she's ready. I am so thankful for her continued health, and for mine.

I hope that each of you are doing well, that you know I'm thinking of you and sending you positive thoughts. If you'd like to connect, please do not hesitate to email me! Also, I promise not to hide Lily - there will be an announcement and photos when she arrives - Scout's Honor. (can I say that if I wasn't a scout?)

Monday, May 28, 2012

A fun comparison...

29 Weeks

Loving my first complete week of my third trimester. While I am starting to have trouble getting comfortable at night, I am also feeling much better about myself and the changes happening to my body. Yes, I'm filling out, but you know what? It isn't permanent. I'm enjoying time with my friends and family and doing my best not to beat myself up over some indulgences. Yes, overall I need to make good choices, but damnit, my strawberry ice cream isn't killing anyone. Nor will it stick around forever either. It's all about the balance.

Now, with that pesky body-image crap aside, I've been feeling pretty good. I can definitely feel myself start to transition into that third trimester mode... getting tired at the end of the day, sore lower back, but nothing crazy at all. A nice welcome break from the pneumonia/loose rib drama crap of the first part of this adventure.

Our nursery work is really coming along and we're feeling more and more prepared for Lily's arrival. My mom even sent out the invites for my shower next month! She is hosting a get together for my family, a small lunch so that I can spend some good quality with my grand mothers, aunts, and close family friends. I still cannot get over the fact that it will be for me and our baby. We are so blessed.

A fun comparison with this weeks belly photo:

Crazy what a couple months will do. I thought I had really started filling out... The 19 week photo was from the day we had our gender scan. HA! - look at me now. 


Thursday, May 10, 2012

Weight

As many of you guys already know, I've been one who has struggled with my weight and body image for years.

When we got pregnant I knew that would come with weight gain. What I didn't anticipate would be how hard it would be on me. It is really hard to watch the scale climb to numbers you never wanted to see again.

There are a few things weighing on me...

I'm not being as good as I should be. I've been dieting for so many years that I literally don't know how to eat normally. And since I don't know how, I've been careless. This was not helped by my initial aversions and weight loss in my first trimester. I got in the habit of being able to eat whatever sounded good. Which is never veggies, btw. Also, while sweets were an aversion before... not any more! Oh the guilt!

Since we got off to a rough start with this pregnancy, I've not been exercising enough. Plain and simple I haven't been active enough at all. J is pretty paranoid and even when I want to, I get 'maybe you shouldn't ...' not helping!

My doc did say that around 20ish weeks, give or take, that my weight gain would play catch up. Between that phenomenon and my lack of restraint, I am now up 17lbs at 26 weeks. Which, while not horrible at all, means I won't meet my 20lb weigh gain goal. In 10 weeks I've gained almost 20lbs. Damn.

My Gestational Diabetes test is tomorrow. I am so nervous. Since I don't handle carbs well anyway, I'm worried I won't pass. I don't want any other obstacles.

Starting this game overweight sucks. It makes everything harder. I am more self conscious. I'm harder on myself over the little things and I feel myself focusing on the wrong things.

Not my entire self is crazy about this. I do have a piece of my mind that days I've gained weight for worse reasons and lost it before, I can do it again! Also, I want to do everything I can to enjoy this time. If that means a small bowl of ice cream with the hubs at the end of a long day I suppose its worth it.

I need to get back in better habits. Walk more, eat more veggies, and take a damn deep breath.

We have been so blessed, I don't want to mess any of this up. So, if you have an extra prayer, please say one for me passing my GD test. I promise I'll be better. Pinky promise.

How did you deal with weight gain? Any tips or resources?

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