McSkinny Friday

This week was less than miraculous. BUT, I refuse to be anything but positive about it.

Official Weigh-In: 184

That is a loss of 1lb this week. A total of 17lbs in 5 weeks! It isn't the 4lbs of last week, but it is still a loss! This week the thing I am most proud of is that I lived my life. I went out for girls weekend, had a marvelous time (that may have involved one -or 5- too many drinks, not diet approved...), I was too busy to bother with the gym but for one day, and you know what? I loved it. At the end, I lost a pound, and it was just a little icing on the cake. Not a bad week, eh?

This week I am focusing on drinking more water. I've been kind of slacking in that area, so its time to get with the program.

One more week of this diet and then it's back to the real world! Let's see if I can go out with a bang.

Peace, love, and a size smaller jeans,

Sharing a Video

This morning one of my Twitter peeps (@FormerlyFertile) mentioned this video and I thought I would share with you all. Just in case you haven't seen it.

The video is about a news anchor that is speaking out about her struggle with infertility and the power of support.

I am so happy to see more and more women drawing attention to infertility. My hope is that this trend will continue and that over time IF will be less taboo. That there will be more research. More insurance coverage. More support for women like you and me.

So, check it out

Thank you for being my support group. You mean the world to me.

No Longer Obese

My weight has always been something I've struggled with. For I don't even know how long (8? 9? years), I've been considered obese. Before that, it was the evil chart in the doctors office. The one where you followed the line across until it you got to your weight and it told you if you were normal. Such crap.

Do any one of you have Wii Fit? When I would step on the fitness board it would groan and my avatar would plump up. Ugh.... that feeling rivals any ache my gut has received from IF. It's awful. Now, I actually want to get back on it. Even if it is only to tell the little effer to go to hell.

With last weeks weigh in, and according to BMI measurements, I am officially no longer obese. Is it strange that I'm happy to be 'only' overweight? I've finally come under that magical '30%'. It won't be until I can break the 25% barrier that I will be considered normal.

While I don't put too much stock in the whole BMI thing, it was still nice to see. I know that everyone is built differently and it is only a reference or guideline. But, it still felt good. It felt good to accomplish something. To put another tick in the win column. And as I'm sure many of you can relate - it feels pretty awesome to collect a win.

Not just another baby shower.

Yesterday I attended the baby shower of a life long friend. I'm still trying to work through exactly how I feel about it.

B and I have known each other our entire lives. Now that we live across the state, we don't see each other as often, but she's still my family. We went to the same schools, played sports together, sleep overs, talked boys, attended each others weddings, and more recently discussed our mutual struggles with infertility. She found out she was pregnant almost three years ago, just before my wedding. She had a missed-miscarriage a few weeks later and a chemical pregnancy about 6 months after that. We each were struggling in our own way.

Time passed and we would occasionally check in. Compare notes. Early last fall, I learn - on Facebook - that they are pregnant. I don't know if she was scared to tell me, forgot, didn't think about it, but that's how it worked out. Good ol' Facebook fills me in again. Months pass, I've sent her a private message about how truly happy I am for her and how wonderful she will be as a mother. Two weeks ago I got a card from her mother inviting me to the shower. I rsvp'd immediately and it was here before I knew it. I made the baby blanket, wrapped her other gifts, and showed up on time.

It was really great, and kind of hard, to see her pregnant. Proud of her resilience, being happy that she is so happy, rubbing the belly that holds her son. At the same time I'm sad to be left behind, again. I know that she debriefed her family because I did not get a single, 'When are you and J starting a family??' That's just her style. Again, not a bad thing to avoid, but kind of sad that people I've known my whole life may be looking at me differently then they would have otherwise. Polite questions with a dash of pity. Is it all in my head? Maybe. But I spend a lot of time in there, so to me, the feeling is all the same.

Her sister made us all cry. The mother of 5 year old twins, she read a card filled with well wishes and offerings to always be there for her - in hopes that she can be half as good an aunt as B has been to her children. ...insert waterworks here... A very sweet moment.

We hugged, made plans for me to visit when the little one arrives. Shared a big hug and I was on my way. My eyes welling once I closed my car door. I couldn't put my finger on it exactly, but I know it is my own doing. Nothing they made me feel, or said. They were lovely. Hugged me because we haven't seen each other in too long. It's about me. About feeling left behind. Even jealous. Being upset with myself about being jealous, like B and I were 7 again and she got the better 10 speed for Christmas. Or like when I was 8 and my parents got divorced and hers got to stay married. It felt childish and from another time, but the sting was still there.

Today I'm better. Better able to reconcile my happiness for my friend and to file away that tiny sting in my heart. Understanding better that the sting doesn't mean I'm not happy for my friend, just that I'm hurting a bit for me. For us. And what we wish would be.

Let's see how I measure up!

While it is a week later than I'd planned to give you an update, finally the measurements are here! It feels really great to see these numbers continue to tick down. These numbers are crucial to me. At the end of the day, this is what it's all about. The scale obviously changes more drastically, but I wouldn't care if the scale didn't budge another inch, so long as I continued to trim down. It's all about feeling more confident, being more healthy, and damnit - feeling good in your jeans!

Without further ado, below are the updated measurements:I am really proud of the progress. It isn't perfect, by any means. In fact, I still have to take a deep breath before I hit 'Publish Post'. I mean, helllloooo Big Booty Judy - my hips are 12.5" larger than my waist! Why did the song Baby Got Back come to mind? But, I am happy to be slimming down pretty evenly all over.

There it is, folks! Two more weeks of the diet and we'll see where we land. I certainly wouldn't mind another drop like the last two weeks. Meanwhile I'm going to enjoy the almost two feet I've disposed of in the last month, by getting ready for my night out.

(Oh hey, another benefit of shrinking legs - less to shave!)

My weight on the scale Thursday also marks an important milestone. Since I've started this weight loss journey, almost exactly 4 years ago, I have lost a grand total of 50lbs! FIFTY. At my heaviest, when J and I got engaged, I was 236lbs. The prospect of getting to this place was daunting then. It's taken me a very long time, but I'm doing it. I didn't gain it over night, and I had (still have...) a lot of emotional baggage to slog through to get here. But, I'm very proud of myself. It may be my greatest accomplishment to date. Thank you all for your continued support. It means a great deal to me!

McSkinny Friday *Updated*

Good morning! If you follow me on Twitter, you probably already know that I was pretty excited with my progress this week. I won't delay your suspense any longer. This weeks weigh official weigh in:

185lbs

That is a loss of FOUR POINT EIGHT EL-BEES! I could not believe it. I was astonished. At almost 4pm, full clothed, I weighed 185. That felt great!

The real celebration for me came this morning. It caused me to dance on the scale: 183.6. Do you know what that means? I have lost 20.4lbs since the beginning of the year and 17.4 in the last month. I could not possibly be happier with the progress. Twenty pounds! That is half way to my 40lbs goal. Already! I can see my stomach getting flatter and my jeans getting too big, it is a pretty great feeling.

Folks, I am about to weigh the actual weight on my drivers license. Whoa nelly. Wait, does that mean I can lie again and drop it another 20?! (J, just read that and said, "No!" lol) I suppose I can wait to fix it until I actually weigh 160. I never thought that day would actually come. I honestly had given up for awhile there. To have this control and confidence back is priceless. For those of you out there really struggling to find your place in the weight loss regime - it can happen. You will find that thing that works for you and it feels amazing. Worth the suffering and the having to do without. Worth every moment.

I had a really great acupuncture appointment again. He is continuing to step up our regimen each week, so there are a couple of points that were pretty sore yesterday. We had another really great chat. We talked a little about the power of a genuine compliment. I have been receiving quite a few of them, especially at work, recently. Intellectually I understand that receiving a compliment feels good. But, I don't think I really knew how deeply insecure and depressed I was until these compliments started pulling me back up. I didn't realize that I even needed that. And to have this realization and to really feel good about myself, is excellent timing considering I have an interview later today. It could mean even more good things for me!

This week was a pretty great one. Tomorrow night I am headed out with some of my favorite girls and I'm going to wear the hell out of my new party dress. This one (in dark gray):

This week has certainly been cause for a little celebration. Go Me!

ETA: Folks, today I bought a pair of new jeans. Not just any jeans, but a pair of size 12's! She same pair I looked like a busted can of biscuits in a couple of weeks ago. Yup, they FIT! Like, totally, fit. Really well. No muffin top. No camel toe. No squishing of any kind!

ABC's of Me

To prevent myself from neglecting my blog too much, I decide to borrow this idea from Josey.

(A) Age: 26

(B) Bed Size: Queen. J and I love our bed. I don't know that I'd ever get a king. As it is, we snuggle from the time we fall asleep, until we wake up. If we've fallen apart in the night, and one of us wakes up, we come back together.

(C) Chore You Hate: Laundry. Especially folding it!

(D) Dogs? 2 - Lacey our beautiful 1yo yellow lab; and Harley - our sweet 7yo chocolate lab

(E) Essential Start Your Day Item: Breakfast. And a hairdryer.

(F) Favorite Color: I'm in a bit of an orange phase. But a love green too.

(G) Gold or Silver? Silver. Or white gold.

(H) Height: 5'7"

(I) Instruments You Play: I played the saxophone in elementary school, does that count? lol I can play some basic songs on the piano and otherwise jam out in my car or dance around the house and sing with J (we're always making up our own words)

(J) Job Title: Manager

(K) Kids: Someday.

(L) Live: The great Pacific Northwest (Seattle area)

(M) Mom's Name: Diana

(N) Nicknames: Sweetpea is my favorite.

(O) Overnight Hospital Stays? Nope.

(P) Pet Peeve: Socks with sandals, hanging 'stinky trees' in your rear view mirror, and interrupting

(Q) Quote from a Movie: "Just keep swimming, swimming, swimming!" Finding Nemo

(R) Right or Left Handed? Right

(S) Siblings: 1 sister

(T) Time You Wake Up? 3:50am (yes, I can hear you groan)

(U) Underwear: There was a line of no-line thongs from Tarjay that I loved, but they don't carry them anymore. Now it is mostly VS underoos for this girl.

(V) Vegetable You Dislike: I can't think of one. I even googled a list of veggies, to see what I could find. I'm sure there is something...

(W) What Makes You Run Late: Hardly anything. I feel like I'm always early. Oh, when we have to get dressed up to go out, I can run late. Usually because my hair won't hold a curl, or I have to iron J's shirts.

(X) X-Rays You've Had Done: Tons. Wrist (at least twice), fingers, my ankle (at least a half dozen times)...

(Y) Yummy Food You Make: My lasagna, chili, and meatloaf are delish!

(Z) Zoo, Favorite Animal: I love the African animals at the zoo - lions, zebras, giraffe, etc.

Feel free to play along!

Weigh in and check up are today. McSkinny Friday will have the results. Fingers are crossed!