Thursday, October 27, 2011

How do you stop comparing?

How do you stop comparing yourself to where you could be?
How do you stop seeing other women achieve milestones and think of what could have been? That it should be you? Not in place of them, but you too.
How do you stop looking at the calendar and imagine where your life could be right now? How not only could you know the gender of your child right now, but that by now this could have been the gender of your second child.
How do you see your friends, the people you love, go on with their lives and leave you behind? Again.
How do you celebrate with them when you don't even feel like you can look them in the eye? For two reasons, you're not sure that you can handle to see them smile in person, and you don't want to steal that smile away because they feel sorry for you.
How do you keep other peoples joy from from stealing your breath?

How do you stop comparing at all? It's stealing my attempts to find joy.


  1. When you find out, please let me know...I struggle with this everyday it seems.

  2. I have no idea. I wish I knew because I do that every day. Every day I think about how big my twinnies would be now or what my belly would look like in comparrison to my sister's. It's a neverending issue.
    I think abot how much weight I may have gained by now instead of how much I am losing.

    I'm with you my friend.

  3. If you find the answer, please share.....

  4. "How do you see your friends, the people you love, go on with their lives and leave you behind? "

    This is a huge one for me when I see all my friends that are in the same age group get PG and have their babies. I feel like they are moving on with life (the whole get married, buy a house, buy a dog, have a baby plan). And no matter what I do I am stuck, and left behind. I really want to be happy for them, I really really do. But somedays I can't find the smile to put on my face. If I feel I can't find the smile when there is no point in showing my face at all since the last thing I want is for them to feel bad for me.

  5. I would love an easier fix too. I tend to compare and it really is...s-u-c-k-i-n-g the life out of me. Can I steal that photo? I LOVE IT!

  6. Absolutely, steal away! I got it from Pinterest! (of course...)

  7. Definitely right there with you.. All day long, all I do is compare myself to anything and everyone. It makes my brain and heart hurt.

  8. I stumbled on this post from another blog. Thanks for writing it. It reminds me of a concept that I've written about once or twice, self-compassion. It's a different philosophy of self compared to self-esteem. Self-esteem is about comparing yourself to others and feeling good about yourself when you find you are better than them. Smarter, faster, pregnant, whatever. Self-compassion is about taking care of yourself, and acknowledging your feelings for being normal and natural. I need to do more reading on it myself, but I am very intrigued by the concept.

    I have been struggling with the very issues you have written about above, especially after my last failed cycle when it seemed like almost everyone I was reading got knocked up. I try to keep reminding myself not to compare myself to them, to think about what I can do to take care of myself instead (better diet, more exercise, mental health days, creative expression, whatever it is). It is not easy, not at all.