Monday, October 17, 2011

woulda coulda shoulda.

I would be 20 weeks this week.
I would presumably be half way through my pregnancy.
I could be sporting a cute baby bump and not only bloated from the weekends festivities.
I would more than likely know the gender if our child.
I should be shopping and planning a nursery.
I would be researching my birth plan.
I could be buying maternity dresses and flats.
I should be feeling my baby's first kicks and sharing these moments with my husband.

My life should be changing. Instead I feel stuck. I'm frustrated and sad. Trapped in this groundhogs day pattern. Wake up, work, gym, don't lose weight despite the 4 days you spend there, dinner, chores, sleep. Wash, rinse, repeat.

My life coulda, woulda, shoulda been different.
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  1. I try not to think about what week in my pregnancy I would have been...too hard for me. I don't have any sound pieces of advice, just sharing how I've been coping 3 weeks post loss. Life shoulda been different...agreed!

  2. Sorry you are feeling so down :( I don't blame you. Even though I am (cautiously and happily) pregnant now, I still have those feelings about the miscarriage I had! This past August I should have been throwing a big first birthday party. Hang in there girl. Happier times will come along.

  3. I am with you Mrs. S. I think those things every moment of every day now. I hate what we had to go through. I hate that we can't be looking toward a baby shower right now. I hate that we are in a similar situation and both have to start over. I am sorry for so many things right now and wish we could go back to the beginning.

    I would be willing to meet if you would.


  4. I know exactly what you're going through (again). T and I were talking about it the other night. Had Katie been born full-term, odds are I'd be ku again with #2. We wouldn't have had to lose Matthew, too.

    All of that being said. There may come a day where all of this pain is worth it. Or maybe just more bearable. I have to believe that my future holds more sweet- less bitter.

  5. I wish it wasn't like this for you. I know there is a happy ending to your story. Hang in there. Praying for you!