Quite a lot in my life has changed since the last time I participated in ICLW. Please feel free to visit the link above to learn a little more about our story.
My husband and I have just passed our three year mark trying to conceive. I was diagnosed with PCOS in the fall of 2009. We took quite a bit of time off from actively TTC this year and just as we were picking back up, we got our first positive pregnancy test in July. We were elated and filled with dreams and hope for the first few weeks. Unfortunately that didn't last very long before the spotting started and the next month was filled with a roller coaster of emotions and uncertainty. August 10th I naturally miscarried our Sprout.
Our story is unfortunately common. While it may be common, our story is uniquely ours. We've been changed as people. I've learned to be more compassionate, been forced to practice my patience, and certainly faced more emotions than I thought I even possessed. My husband, Jeremy, has been a trooper. And has probably learned more about conception and the female anatomy than he would have ever willingly submitted himself to otherwise.
I'm back to waiting on my period to arrive. CD32 today. I know at this moment I am dreading heading back to the doctors office. I mean, we conceived all by ourselves. We were given a 1% chance of doing that. 1%! I would love it if we could do that again. But am I willing to wait another 3 years before we win the lottery again?
I am taking Metformin now, so I suppose I'm not entirely on my own anymore. I tried to take OPK's to track ovulation, but I don't think the cheapies I ordered were any good. I will definitely try again this cycle. Not knowing if/when I ovulated certainly doesn't give me much hope for this cycle and I'm okay with that.
For now I am trying to focus, and refocus, on losing the weight I gained this summer. Enjoying my time with friends and family. Planning to travel more in the coming months. (San Diego in three weeks and Spain next year!) Damnit, if we have to be childless, I am going to try and enjoy every second.
I have been an unfortunate member of this Infertile society for awhile now. I'm just realizing that our membership now includes the Miscarriage society as well. Is this really my life? Isn't this the stuff you're just suppose to empathize about when your sisters cousins friend is having a hard time? How did all of this happen? Boy, life's a bitch some times, huh? I have my good days and my bad. I'm grateful that they are mostly good. I have such a fantastic support system - amazing friends that I owe a world of debt to for all that they've done for me. If we've had to suffer the way we have, I'm grateful that tremendous friendships get to be one of our silver linings.
Enough of my ramblings! Welcome to those that are new around these parts. Please feel free to ask questions if you have them! To those that have been around awhile - thanks for being you, while I hang around here being me.
Happy Friday!
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Cant wait for AF to show so you can start you next cycle! You have been through sooo much and I'm still here rooting you on!
ReplyDeleteI knew I liked you........and this post confirms it. Together,,,,I feel like we all can get to that healthy breathing living baby. Well,, plus some drugs and sex and heartache! But you get the point...
ReplyDeleteI'm hoping that you get very positive news very soon. I, too, am an unfortunate member of that miscarriage club and while I'm thankful for the ways it has changed me as a person, I would have preferred to learn those lessons in a much easier way! I'm thinking of you and keeping you in my prayers.
ReplyDeleteas a card carrying member of both the infertile and now miscarriage club i say welcome and hello. it totally sucks doesn't it. with a big capital S and all we have is our dreams and hopes to hang our hats on. Good luck for the next round :)
ReplyDeleteVisiting from ICLW.
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately I also have a 3 year membership in the IF club and have been part of the pregnancy loss club since Feb 2010... It stinks. Like you, we try to make the best of our time as a family of two but it's getting old! Good luck as you decide how to move forward and I hope you get your take home baby very soon!