Frustration.

Not a single step in the TTC process would I consider 'easy'. It is filled with challenges, tough decisions, emotions, etc. The last 16 months have definitely had their peaks and valleys.

Taking the meds has been fairly uneventful the last two months. I haven't had any crazy side affects and I appear to be ovulating. All good things, no denying that. Why is it then the first thing I think of is that it is an extra kick to the ladybits when AF arrived? 'What!? But I'm a functioning reproductive woman now! What is it this time!?' Why is it that I neglect to remember (or care?) that these things take time. You know how everyone says that it will take even a 'healthy' couple up to a year to conceive? Well damnit, I don't want to wait another year!

So much for my hard learned lesson in patience...

I think I may have a sit down with my mom. Now for those that don't know her in the real world, be jealous. She is probably the greatest mom on the face of this here earth. She is one of those strong, selfless, single mother types. You know, the kind that keeps the world on its axis with one hand and defends the innocent against all evil with the other. Well, I haven't told her a peep about this. For the longest time I wanted this to be a wonderful surprise. I didn't want to give her something else to worry about. She wants to be a grandmother and I want to give that to her.

However, it has almost been a year and a half. Now instead of feeling like I'm preparing for a big surprise, I feel like I'm hiding a rather large part of my life from her. To top it off, I have no idea what my family history is like. Did she or my grandmother have trouble conceiving? I know that my grandmother, mother, and aunt have all had to have hysterectomies and they were not by choice. That freaks me out, not going to lie. Maybe there is something more for me to learn. I think I will wait until the end of this cycle. Hold out hope for one more potential month. Then when I head back to the doc to discuss next steps, I will fill her in. Oh boy am I not looking forward to that conversation. Mental note: bring the Kleenex.

Thanks for hanging in there, here we go again.