Yesterday I found myself increasingly frustrated with my current situation. In order to get it out there and move on, I sent the following "word vomit" to one of my favorite peeps.
"Here’s the quick and dirty version… I’m feeling like a pity-party of one. CD41 today is today. Tested when we got home Monday (CD39) and it was negative. However, being that I’m not regular, it could still be early. Could be that with all of the excitement, I’m just not getting a period this month, I already missed May altogether (that would be a first in 2.5 years). Could be a false negative. Could be… Could be… Could be…
I hate this crap. Any other ‘normal’ woman at this point would have her answer. No PMS symptoms for me at all (which isn’t normal) until yesterday which started the sore boobs. That could be about appropriate timing for someone who was actually knocked-up. But my mind/body only do that sort of thing to keep that spark of hope burning. Because, God forbid if my bodies signs actually had meaning.
So my post-trip glow is tainted today with analyzing every twinge (gas, lol). So, I figured I would just own-up, say it ‘out loud’ and let the inevitable happen already. Positive Penelope over here!
Quality stuff, yes, I am aware. But I am sick and tired of this crap. I haven't even started back up yet and I'm already pissed. Why can't things (meaning my body) just function as they should!? I shouldn't now be on CD42 and still facing the unknown. Why do I lead myownself on?
Susan, who I might say has incredible insight - especially into my crazy psyche - had a great point when she said that my anger was probably another PMS symptom I hadn't thought about. lol - she's absolutely right.
PCOS is a mean bitch.
I am ready to get back to the doc and regain at least a little insight/control. I am waiting until this weekend to test again. One way or the other, I need to know.