Does the nagging worry in the back of your mind ever stop? It isn't the crippling fear I had with my last short pregnancy, but just a hovering thought in the back of my mind.
It isn't helped by the fact I had a bit of spotting this week. Nothing even close to red, but only the brownish spotting when I wiped. Nothing that ever even reached the liner. It's gone now, only sporadic over the last couple of days. While I know I cannot change anything if it is to happen, and that the kind of spotting I had can be perfectly normal (and quite common for that matter), I am still very anxious for our ultrasound this Thursday. I strongly wish that I could go in earlier. Only, I know that the early I go in the less likely I am to see anything...
I am trying to cut myself some slack, calling it nerves, and doing my best to relax. But instead, in these quite moments of vacation, my mind wanders to thoughts of - am I sick enough? I was sicker last week, is it going away? Should I be bloated and feeling different?
Boy am I ready to see that little black and white bean again. This mama could use a little reassurance.
I totally get the fear! Hang in there! I'm sure everything is fine!!!
ReplyDeleteI can only imagine. I am not yet pregnant (notice I am being optimistic) and am already worrying. I think you are just feeling what anyone to have a loss would rightfully feel. It sucks that we are jipped out of a confident pregnancy, but I hope that you can find moments of peace and joy.
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Try to be optimistic and don't google anything. I know it's easier said than done but looking things up online and not talking to the dr. freaked me out more than anything. My dr. was awesome and told me if I was worried at all to call or come in and they could even use the doppler just to make me feel better.
ReplyDeleteI've had 3 MCs and am now 37w4d...the fear NEVER goes away. I was terrified everyday until I could feel my little guy move around 18 weeks. I would almost hyperventilate before a dr.appt with fear that they wouldn't be able to hear a hearbeat. I hope everything works out for you.
I'm sorry you're stressing (and I agree about NOT googling!), and to answer your question, no, it never stops! Once I saw Knox's heartbeat, I thought I'd calm down, but no, I found something new every day to freak out about. Even once the baby is here, you still worry constantly, so anxiety is truly a part of the motherhood game.
ReplyDeleteI hope and pray your ultrasound is perfect Thursday!
I completely understand. A few drops of blood, though normal, can still be terrifying. Hoping that Thursday is filled with joy and reassurance!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry you're so stressed. Everything will be fine on Thursday. Sprout was brought into your life for a reason but it wasn't to make you stress it was to watch over future beans
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