My Streak

My streak did what all good streaks do, it came to an end.

12 Weeks 1 Day

That is exactly how long I made it through this pregnancy before I threw up. Because I needed something else to do this week on top of the fevers, headaches, and the body shaking coughs.

I've talked a lot about my aversions and that the strongest of them surrounds my beloved meat. As my nausea has been lightening, I've been hoping to see an increase in the flexibility of my diet choices.

Tonight I was feeling good! I haven't had a fever today, and while exhausted, I can start to see some progress. We decided to order in and pasta was the winning choice. The thought of a meat sauce wasn't completely grossing me out, so I decided to go for it! Cannelloni it was. De-lish! I try to stay distracted if I'm eating something I'm not excited about. Keep talking with J, think of something else, just get through it.

Yeah, that worked for about 5 bites. I held that 5th bite in my mouth coaching myself through it. That worked for about 15 seconds before I had to haul ass for the bathroom. I will spare you the remaining details, but only say I had nothing left to give.

And I cried.

After I brushed my teeth and sucked it up, I conceded to Eggos and chocolate milk for dinner.

Let's hope it was a one time thing, shall we? Please? Pretty please?

Pneumonia.

I am going to have this view for at least a couple more days. My fever (albeit mild) persisted today, so off to the walk-in clinic we went.

Diagnosis? Pneumonia.

I was given antibiotics and instructions to hydrate and rest. Even going to the clinic was too much action for me today. I almost fainted while I was there and had to lay down. I don't think I'll be leaving the sofa for a little while.

I would really like to catch a damn break.

Sharing is Caring.

Except when we're talking colds. And especially when that 'cold' holds the threat of your husbands pneumonia.

Yes, yesterday I caught the plague. Thankfully I am fairly confident I don't have pneumonia. I've only had a slight fever (99.3 was the highest) and it responded to just one Tylenol. I have developed a bit of a phlegmy cough (glad you stopped by today?) and a headache, but overall it could be worse.

I slept for a solid 11 hours and while I still have a cough, I'm feeling okay just relaxing in bed. I'm keeping an eye on the fever, which I haven't had at all so far today!

I was hoping for a drama free week, but we'll have to cross our fingers that week 12 brings that instead. For now, I'm back to watching house/bath/kitchen crashers and dozing.

Any fun weekend plans? Can I live vicariously through you?

Sweet Relief

Today's appointment went so well. Doc Oc is pretty confident that my bleeding was irritation caused by the ever growing and implanting placenta. I have a subchorionic hematoma and it has shrunk a good deal since our ER visit on Saturday. So things should be wrapping up and physically it appears to be doing so.

Baby is none the wiser! He/she was having quite the dance party in there while we were looking around. Playing and happy as could be. I could watch that screen all day.

I feel so much better confirming that things are all good. I got to take my first deep breath in days. There is not a physical way to be more grateful than we are right now.

With such fabulous news and a lot of face time with the babe, I couldn't be selfish! Here is a updated mugshot of our Spawn:Can you see the little hands and feet? idie

11 Weeks

We didn't get to this point without a little bit of drama. But, I couldn't be happier to be here.

The beginning of my 10th week I felt great! My nausea took a couple days off and I even had more energy. It only lasted a few days, but I was grateful for the break.

Other exciting things happened this week. While I didn't make our pregnancy public knowledge, I did tell my bosses. I work with amazing women and my boss was really there for me during my miscarriage (having been through one herself). My direct manager was in town this week, so it was great to be able to see her and tell her in person. They both got teary eyed and went on and on about how happy they were for me. It was a fun moment. They've sworn themselves to secrecy until we're ready to go public.

I'm still experiencing some serious food aversions. In fact, it's made eating pretty frustrating. Being pregnant does limit your diet to begin with and then you add the things that you don't want anything to do with - most meat, especially beef (so sad!), red sauce, sweets, some breads... the list goes on. It's challenging to find something that J and I can both agree on these days. I've eaten my fair share of macaroni and cheese.

My weight is still down. 187 this morning. -3lbs since my BFP. While finding things that I enjoy is challenging, I am still making sure to eat very frequently so that I can get my calories in. This week I struggled with the water intake. Along with continuing to try, and sometimes choke down, different foods, water will be my focus this week.

We got to see baby on Saturday and he/she is looking amazing. We're so grateful that baby is not phased by the dramatic goings-on of the moment. I will never forget the sound of that strong heartbeat and the sight of our dancing baby. There were some serious water aerobics happening. This child is already better at working out than I am.

Tomorrow is my follow-up appointment with Doc Oc. I'm hoping for answers and another peek at our babe.

Here's to an uneventful 11th Week!

Our ER Visit

I won't make you read the full recount of our day before I tell you that everything looks good right now. We still need answers, but baby was measuring perfectly and heartbeat was thumping away at 160bpm.

J and I decided to have a productive day. We'd loaded up the SUV to the gills with things to donate. We did a major purge and it felt GREAT. The place where we made the donation is by the biggest mall in the area, so we decided to play for the rest of the afternoon. Impromptu lunch date and then, the highlight, window shopping at Babies R Us.

We ate lunch at a local seafood restaurant. I waited entirely too long to eat and felt like garbage. I was inches from throwing up (cold and sweaty - yuck!) and even feeling lightheaded. J even went to the bar and got me a glass of orange juice to get me through to lunch. Once I got food in my system, I was back in action. Those waves of nausea are no joke.

There are so many things that we'd never priced or played with we decided it would be fun to sit in gliders and play with strollers at Babies R Us. We had just arrived and J sat down in this adorable glider. It had great style. I didn't even get to look at the price and I felt like I'd peed my pants. "I need to find the bathroom." Which was at the opposite corner of the store. I hauled ass, afraid of what I'd felt, and my fears proved true - blood. Bright red and staining my jeans. I didn't have any pads, so TP would have to do. I found J playing with a cute plush toy and told him we had to leave. "Why?? What's wrong?" I told him that I couldn't talk about it there and as soon as we hit the car, I lost it. Ugly snotty cries and full hyperventilation.

Did I really just start bleeding upon entering a Babies R Us? How does this stuff happen to me? I wish I was making it up.

It took about a half hour before my doctor called me back. He just so happened to be the doctor on call. In that time we'd driven back north toward home. He gave me what I was expected - directions to lay low. If it got 'heavy' (1-2 pads/hr) to call him or go to urgent care. He also said that unfortunately he was out of the office on Monday, but could see me first thing Tuesday.

TUESDAY!?

The rest of the way home I was transfixed on that day. How on God's green earth could I wait THREE WHOLE DAYS!? I lounged around the house, tried to stay distracted with tv and sulked. I had a couple of heavy wipes and I finally called back just before 9:00 p.m. when I saw what I thought was stringy tissue. Final straw.

Doc Oc called me back and I told him that I was no longer comfortable. I wasn't going to rest, I was anxious, and I needed answers. Do I go and see him or visit the ER? He sent me to the ER and told me to expect a bit of blood work and an ultrasound. He would prove right. He laid things out - there is a chance this could be another miscarriage. But, he was looking at my last ultrasound and things were good, very good, even promising. That I needed to remember that bleeding was common and that many many women go on to have very healthy pregnancies after what can be considered heavy, and prolonged, bleeding.

They pulled me back really quickly, we were only in the waiting room 20 minutes, we had a private room and a great nurse. She even had us laughing a bit and eased our nerves. Unfortunately they decided to place an IV to draw my blood so that it would be there should they need to give me fluids. It was a little too real of a hospital visit for my tastes.

The process took forever. It was 11:30 before she came back and was prepping for my pelvic exam. She left and said she was going to see if the doctor was ready. 45 minutes later another woman enters, but instead of a pelvic exam she had a giant ultrasound machine. Finally. She scanned over the baby a few times looking at my ovaries, kidneys and taking measurements. We saw the baby floating around, arms moving. Was that because she was poking around? Or was our baby alive? The heart wasn't as pronounced this time because it is now within a more formed body. She wasn't still long enough for me to tell if its heart was beating.

Once she slowed down to take the finer measurements, we saw it. The little heart flicker. I lost it. Trying to hold back my sobs so that my belly wouldn't bounce while she was working. Then, she set to measure it, hit a button and wub, wub, wub, wub, wub.... our babies heartbeat. The first time we'd ever heard such a gorgeous sound.

After all the official stuff was over, she took the time to show us the spine, little feet (with itty bitty, but recognizable toes!), and waving arms. Unfortunately the baby decided to curl up toward the end, so that photo we got isn't the best. I couldn't care less.

We have instructions to see Doc Oc on Tuesday for a follow up. I am happy to report that this morning things appear to be tapering off. Much lighter when I wipe and it has taken on a brown tone. I am very interested in answers, but knowing that for now my baby is safe and dancing around, makes a world of difference.

We are both so grateful we decided to go. I am hoping that whatever this is was a fluke. I cannot imagine suffering even longer without knowing. We're all better off with a little less anxiety. Now that energy can be focused on more positive thoughts and getting some rest.

Preparing

I am doing my best to take advantage of my down time and relax. But, I know that there is such much that I need to start thinking about and doing.

Research Childcare
Learning about cloth diapers
Cleaning out the room that will be the nursery
Shopping for furniture for the nursery
Diaper bags/carriers/car seats/etc
Educating myself more on birth options
Once my morning sickness tapers off (yeah, the last few days have been a regression) I need to focus on a healthy diet - are there super foods I should eat?
etc.
etc.
etc.

Where do I start? Some of these things I feel like are too early to really get into. Is there a good checklist I can follow to help keep me on track? What am I not thinking of? I fear of getting deep into this pregnancy and have forgot something critical (my dream that the baby was born and I hadn't even looked into childcare, that didn't help).

I guess I feel a little lost. I was a pro with the IF piece. I've not spent a lot of time thinking about what would happen if we actually got pregnant. It was too heartbreaking. Now, I'm floundering a bit.

For those of you that have been there, where did you start? I need a place to direct my energy and take on small tasks before I get overwhelmed.

Waiting for the next appointment.

I think I had a little too much quiet time around the house this weekend. I am really anxious for my next appointment. I've been feeling better the last few days, very little queasiness, and that's really only when I wait too long to eat. Am I just managing it better? Is it fading because I am now 10 weeks? Or is something wrong? Thankfully the majority of me (90%) knows that it is perfectly normal for symptoms to fade as your hormones level out. And that this could be a temporary break at this point. I still have plenty of aversions (red meat, which I usually love, makes me want to gag), but otherwise, not many symptoms to speak of.

That other 10% spent a good thirty minutes dreaming up a reason I need to go to the doctor sooner than February 3rd, just for the reassurance that everything is okay.

And then I proceed to feel like a crazy person. I swear, I'm neurotic. But, I just want to see my happy and healthy baby. I thought about an in-home doppler, but the studies (or lack there of) for the first trimester freak me out.

I just need to learn to be patient, think positive thoughts, and get the hell over it.

Was there something that helped you through these early anxious moments? Does it get better when you can feel your baby move and see your belly grow? Or do you just pick something else to fret over?

Let's hope the next 2.5 weeks go by quickly.

The Good Ol' Days

Currently the extra room in our house, that will be the nursery, is mostly storage. We have keepsakes from childhood, fans we only use in the summer, all kinds of miscellaneous stuff that needs to find a new home. We spent some time going through some old tubs today. Mostly things from J's childhood. It was fun to see old stories he wrote in elementary school, art projects his mom saved, and tons of old toys. His mom saved everything, I swear.

We were able to fill a whole tub with toys to donate, but came across some great stuff! He has a few books and whole set of wooden cars and street signs that match. He saved his favorite matchbox cars, but still had a couple gallon ziplock bags to donate!

What I liked best was reading some of his old stories and the little surveys from school. Stories written by, "The Famous Jeremy S" at age 8. Or this survey, one clearly filled out my a teacher or parent:

At School I like to drink.

Yeah, I think we've all had a day or two like that.

It was a fun look down memory lane. And perhaps a little glimpse at the imagination that our child might have.

Sipping cider, watching the snow fall, and spending an afternoon with my husbands youth. I must say, it is not a bad way to spend the day.

Snow Day!

Today we got our first snow of 2012! I love the snow. We are laying low this weekend, so it's been nice to snuggle up with a book and watch the snow come down.J is still laid up. I took him to the doctor yesterday and confirmed my suspicion, he has pneumonia. He didn't feel comfortable driving himself because he was winded, short of breath, and the minute his meds started to wear off, his fever would spike again. It's been hard to see him so weak.

They did a chest x-ray, checked his o2 levels, and sure enough, pneumonia. He was given a whole host of meds (cough medicine w/ codeine, plans to alternate tylenol and ibuprofen, antibiotics, and an inhaler) and strict instructions to lay low, get a ton of rest, drink fluids until he floats away, and absolutely under no uncertain terms is he to share his germs with his pregnant wife.

He still has a fever today, but nowhere near as high. He's also a bit more human which is a step in the right direction. He chose to sleep on the couch downstairs last night and what did I do? Slept 13 hours. Man did I need that! While he is laid up all day today watching the snow from inside, I spent a bit of time romping in the snow with the dogs. Aren't they adorable?Also, this much down time has made me horribly tired of television.

Sick Husband

Almost any married woman you talk to would agree on one point... the strongest of strong men are reduced to helpless babies when they're sick.

Don't get me wrong, my husband is amazing. I've gone on and on before about how caring and hardworking he is. I mean, the man does our laundry. (It's ok to take a moment and hate me, I don't blame you.) He is a good egg, I scored big time.

But you give that man an illness and he needs in home care. And I don't think he's unique in this way! Men do not have that lower gear of function, they just hit the damn floor.

My poor husband has been pretty sick. A fever/chills off and on, waking up chilled and sweaty... not good stuff. I have been pretty needy myself recently so Ive been doing my wifely duties and caring for him. As best I can anyway, when at the end of the day I just want to rest myself.

He stayed home today and I hope he's healing up because this wife needs a good solid night sleep. One that isn't interrupted 2-3 times by the sweaty bag of pestilence sleeping in my bed. That, and it's hard to see your big tough guy suffer.

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Let's talk about drugs

And my current inability to get to the good stuff. (Don't confuse the 'good stuff' with the 'hard stuff'.)

The last couple of weeks, my left ear has been bugging me. When I talk it will pop and I would echo in my own ear. It was annoying, but it was a couple times a day, so I left it be. The last week it has been happening more frequently and for the last couple of days I've been getting pressure now too, even when it's not popping. Mostly annoying, but I'd like it to stop before it gets worse.

I decided it was due time to drop by the walk-in clinic. An hour and a half wait later, oh joy, and the doctor said I had no ear infection, but just pressure on my eustachian tube (runs along my sinus in my inner ear). Probably a swelling in my sinus causing the pressure. Blah, blah, blah - What do I DO about it!?

She finds one nasal spray that is safe for me to take when pregnant and calls it in. She told me that she noted 'No Substitutions', so if they ask - that's a no-no. Gotcha doc, that's kick this thing.

We grab dinner to allow time for filling the prescription and our friendly neighborhood pharmacist says it still isn't done. Why? Because my insurance doesn't cover this one, so he was calling to see about a substitution. Nope, sorry homes, not gonna happen. Tell me the sticker price and let's be on our merry way.

$125

labcoatsayswhat!?!?

Holy Llamaballs.

I about had a heart attack right there next to the cough drops and the reading glasses. No, we didn't buy it. Instead I am now home researching alternative remedies for my suffering. Mr. Pharmacist is going to hang on to that puppy for a few days if I can't work it out on my own. Kind of him.

Firstly, it isn't even the good stuff.

Secondly, what in a tiny tube of nasal spray could cost $125? Am I snorting gold flecks? Did it come from Columbia? (sorry, bad joke)

Lastly, I didn't even want to do it in the first place. I loathe nasal spray.

Here's to hoping I can find a creative way to relieve the pressure. Otherwise this mama is going to suffer, either from an annoying ear or a serious dent in her wallet.

9 Weeks

My last week in the single digits has begun! I don't have a whole lot new to update about my 8th week. I've been struggling with "morning" sickness on a daily basis. I have quite a number of food aversions at this point. Protein is tough to even think about eating. The only exception? I've had two chicken nuggets kids meals in the last week. I'm not proud of it, and I'm not typically one for fast food, but it served its purpose.

I tried to have eggs this morning and that did not go well. I gagged as I finished the last small bite. Even as I type this my gag reflex is on alert. I still have not thrown up (knock on wood) and I'm grateful for that. It's very hard to find things that sound appetizing. Anything too sweet sounds awful. I'm getting by on soup and crackers, had a bit of mac 'n cheese, and popsicles. I'm ready to get my former taste buds back and J is too.

I'm starting to feel bloated and thicker around the middle. However, I'm actually down about two pounds (188.2). I've been doing really well with drinking water (about 8-10 8oz glasses a day) and I'm happy about that.

We did make our first real baby purchase today - a pack and play! We got a great deal and decided to snag it up. Paid $40 instead of the typical $80!
I'm still not comfortable doing big shopping, but it was fun to pick up a piece for a good deal. I'm really looking forward to getting started putting things together.

Here's to week #9!

Just for fun!

My girl Rebecca, over at Pink Lipgloss and Prenatals, inspired me to play with old wives tales, just for the fun of it!

Here's what we've got:

Heartbeat under 140 = boy!

Chinese gender chart = boy!

No ice cream cravings = boy!

Craving salt = boy!

Mayan gender chart = girl!

Fewer break outs on my face = boy!

What do you think? Is it a boy? The vote is pretty overwhelming! Are there any others I should try? I have a couple of girlfriends that will be disappointed if their votes are wrong!

I have quite awhile to go yet before we find out for sure, but I couldn't resist.

TGIF!

Healthy & Growing!

Today's appointment went very well. I just love Doc Oc. Jeremy does to, you know why? Because that man loves to give me a hard time. When talking about my diet I mentioned being nervous about weight gain because of the struggles I've always had with food and weight gain. His response was that for now, I need to eat whatever I can keep down and whatever makes me feel best. "Carbs are your friend." But that in a couple of months he's going to 'slap me around a little bit' and I'll have to 'get with the program'. J just chuckles in the corner. Anytime someone else gives me crap, they're instantly his favorite.

I asked a good portion of my questions (I got distracted and forgot to ask the last couple), we talked through episiotomies, csections - the when and the why - and was happy to report that we were on the same page. That page being, episiotomies are for emergencies only and that there are acceptable and necessary times for a c-section (previa, breach, etc), but he tends to push for vaginal until absolutely necessary and that 'baby is boss'. Also, that any and all decisions in the delivery room were collaborative and we'd make them all together. I like that he respects my desire to have the information and participate. That's huge in our book.

I feel very comfortable with our care. I know that there is a chance he won't be our delivering doctor (it was a scenario/question I didn't get to), but knowing the general vibe of his practice made us both feel very at ease.

The wee-one is about 2/3" long and measuring right at 8 weeks. Since we've been 2 days 'behind' at each visit, my EDD has been adjusted to 8/16 (like that means something!). My next appointment is not for 4 more weeks - just like a normal fertile myrtle!

8 Weeks

I'm a day late, but who's counting?

Spawn is only about the size of a kidney bean this week, measuring at about just over a 1/2 inch (we'll know exactly at our appointment tomorrow!). It's hard to believe such a little bean could be making such a presence!

I'm happy to report that I have not gained any weight (190) just yet. I know it is inevitable and I've come to terms with this (kind of) fact. I've always struggled with my weight, so I'm definitely adjusting to nutrition as a pregnant woman. I'm eating as best I can, trying to make healthy choices, and in the end I hope to keep my weight gain at (or slightly below) 20lbs. They say an overweight person (which is me... awesome.) should gain between 15-25. So, splitting the difference, 20 is my goal. I'm confident that with a balanced diet and good, albiet moderate, exercise I can achieve my goal. It won't be easy! But it never is.

I continue to be nauseous, really suffering when I let my blood sugar get too low. It's like I can feel it drain from my body. It's been especially bad since Sunday. I feel best with a steady intake of food, popsicles are preferred the last couple days, and when I'm comfortably snuggled in my favorite sweatpants and under my fuzzy blanket. I've also been burping like a trucker. Especially when I'm feeling particularly queasy. On the plus side, my boobs are doing a bit better, still tender if I mess with them (funny how we do that, isn't it?!), but I can take the stairs without wanting to commit a double homicide on the next group of people I pass.

Lastly, I made my first maternity purchase today. Yes, at 8 weeks. After spending an entire day at work with my pants unbuttoned, I decided that a BeBand (Target's Bella Band) was more than necessary. It works! It's not as snug as I know it will be, but it will suit my purposes nicely. While I have not intention of doing any additional maternity shopping just yet, I have to admit, it was fun.

We are so excited for our appointment tomorrow and another opportunity to see our wee one and its strong heartbeat. 8 weeks down and another 32 to go!

Nausea

I have my good days and my bad. I think I've done pretty well ensuring that I eat small meals throughout the day, get plenty of water, and sticking to mostly bland food. I know that it has helped me manage my 'morning' sickness pretty well.

Yesterday was the worst of it, by far. We were packing up and headed home from our weekend in the mountains. My stomach was unsettled and I just got exhausted. I had to lay down on the bed while J finished up. I slept for about half the car ride and slept for over an hour when I got home. Clearly I needed the rest. Unfortunately all that sleep didn't help my nausea, because I could only force down about 4 bites of my spaghetti dinner.

I don't want to be one of those pompous infertiles that forgets where she came from goes straight to complaining about now being pregnant. I hope that my readers understand and it isn't necessary to preface every single statement with 'I am so grateful and wouldn't trade this morning sickness for the world'. Because we are thrilled to be where we are. I pray every day for you to join us and that each of you has the chance to battle morning sickness as well. (isn't it funny how we all wish to be sick and miserable? damn infertility twists us all.) I suppose this is also my way of saying that I understand if this isn't something you want to read about. This blog has always been an outlet for me and I hope that it continues to evolve as our lives do.

You're going to be seeing a lot more about my journey through what will be a happy and healthy pregnancy (staying positive!). There will be ultrasound photos and belly photos (soon!), ideas for the nursery, and other generally pregnancy related things. I hope that you'll hang around with me for the ride.

Meanwhile, I'm going to snuggle up on the sofa before I attack my house. Oh why must today be the last day of vacation!?