The one at the end of the tunnel.
AF is finally returning to something that I recognize. So far today I would say it is 'medium'. Which, compared to the last two days, is heaven. I told J last night that I was finally starting to feel a little relief, less cramping, etc. He said that he could tell, but 'Thankfully you're not like that very often.' lol I must have been a peach to be around the past two days.
There seemed to be this pity party shame spiral thing happening and not a damn thing I could do about it. I think it was a bad combination of knowing we didn't get pregnant this month (again), the worst period I may have had ever, mixed with stress from my day job, feeling like I'll never get this part time gig off the ground, the fact that my birthday is next week and I'm certain it will go without much notice for the 4th or so year in a row, and feeling all of this and still having to take care of someone else so I'm not getting any rest or relaxation. I love J dearly and will take care of him for the rest of his life if that was necessary, but damn it I need a day off. Thankfully I am feeling better. (I started taking new vitamins this week and I really feel like their making a difference already!) More willing to tackle these pesky challenges and to put to the back of my mind those things I cannot do a damn thing about.
On a brighter note, J's fingers are looking "better". I use quotes because they still look like shit. They're black and oozing ::GAG:: and gross, but this is a MUCH better state than the bloody meat chunks they were two weeks ago. He started physical therapy yesterday (which is kind of a joke, I may go into that later...) and his spirits are up a bit. He's still frustrated to not be able to do everything on his own (I suppose that asking your wife to open jars and put on your deodorant could be kind of a kick to the manhood), but he's definitely excited about his improvements.
On my final and even brighter note, I had to swing a present by to R and T's house last night and I got to hold baby Landon again. Boy do I love that kid. He's smushy and snuggly and adorable and sweet. He was seriously the high point of my week, again. Happy one week birthday little guy!