Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Familial Strife

Recently I posted this. A rant about the rift between my SIL & MIL and the affects it is having on our family.

I sent my SIL an email. I spent a good amount of time crafting it. Trying to be respectful while I shared my feelings and how this has impacted the family. Last night I put together the update to post here. It was filled with mostly good news! Our exchanges weren't fuzzy and loving. We aired all of our issues. Called each other on shortcomings and put it all out there. At the end of it all I gained a second perspective and she agreed to reach out and try to make amends.

I was thrilled to see that perhaps we will see some progress!

This morning I had an email waiting for me. She decided to forward me their conversation so that no one would be left in the dark anymore. So, I started reading. It was great! Don't get me wrong, it wasn't nice. But they were being honest, sharing their feelings. Progress! It felt great to feel like my emotional strife was for a purpose. My SIL ended an email by saying she wanted to put the past behind them and even invited my MIL to the party afterall. SUCCESS! I kept reading.

That all hell broke lose.

My MIL's response to that message was not very nice. It even included a link to a message board post my SIL had made and tried to say she found it when she googled my BIL's name?? Weird. She kept drudging up the past and ended her message with a sign off that basically said, 'Thanks for reaching out. Sorry it didn't work. Maybe next time.'


But, but, but, all of that wonderful progress. The grown-up steps! The olive branches!

Shot to hell, because it sent my SIL into a fury. She went on about being proven right that my MIL has no boundaries (in reference to the baby board rant) and that she wanted nothing to do with her ever again. That she was being cut off. That she had a delusional version of reality and even ask if she'd hit her head. Ending with a - don't bother to reply, your emails are headed straight to the trash. Oy vey. It was ugly.

I don't know why my MIL did that. Unfortunately it looks like my SIL jumped at the first (I guess it isn't the first) opportunity to completely write her off. They both started off so well and they both ended even more epically.

J and I have talked quite a bit today. Really there just isn't anything more we can do. We tried. We put forth our best efforts. I am happy that perhaps the relationship between us may be on the mend, but I'm devastated that theirs is even worse now. I am really proud of how well J is communicating. That is not a family strong point. He is even planning on thanking my SIL for trying and calling his mom to make sure she's okay. He's a good man. I'm just sad that he has to deal with this familial strife.


  1. Wow, you MIL... ugh. She's obviously as much a part of the problem as the SIL. Ridiculous.

    I hate when adults act like children, especially when it's the true children that get hurt by their actions. :(

  2. Oh my. Your poor hubs. I am so thankful I don't have familial strife to deal with.

  3. Oh God. How frustrating for you! You did a wonderful job getting things sorted out for them and your MIL had to ruin all your hard work.

    I'm sorry you guys have to deal with this. I guess you did what you could and it's up to them to get through it or not.