After the previous post I know that reading this title is going to make you think I've officially lost my godforsaken mind. Stick with me for just a minute, it'll make sense. (I think...)
While the IF process has been a difficult one, I came to an important realization this morning. This last year I have gotten quite a lot accomplished. And not just from what I've learned about TTC, IF, my body, etc. The little ray of hope (which started out a big ray last year, but now it's just a little guy) I have each month has been such a motivator for me to live my life. So often we get these 'someday I'll do _____' thoughts and never get around to it. What our months of unsuccessful TTC have gotten us is actually quite a lot. Especially these last few months. We're going out downtown on a whim with our friends, I'm having girls night out, spending a little money fixing up our downstairs, taking small trips, etc. It's not that once we have kids we won't be able to do these things, but they certainly won't be as easy, and I'm guessing there will be very little 'whim' for quite awhile.
Essentially the thought that 'this could be our last childless month' has driven us. We've been strong armed to living in the moment. Instead of putting things off, we're saying 'What the hell!' and going for it. For example, today is the start of opening weekend for Ski/Snowboard season at our favorite mountain. Not only are they opening, and opening early I might add, but they are calling this the best opening conditions in decades. Clearly I'm not knocked up yet, so guess who is going to go? ME! Had we been successful in conceiving at all in the last year, I can almost guarantee I would miss it. Now, let's be clear, I am not saying I would trade conception of our child for a (albeit KICK ASS) trip down a mountain on top of my trusty snowboard, but damnit it is not the worst conciliation prize.
At the beginning of our journey TTC was all I could think about and it pretty much consumed my life. This living life to the fullest thing didn't come quick or easy. However, I think I am finally to a place where I'm making the most of it. So for now I am going to hit the mountain, have a glass of wine at the lodge, and continue spending some Grade-A quality time with my friends and husband. And you know what? If these meds do their job and I actually ovulate for once, perhaps this trip to the mountains will be remembered for a bit more than it's fresh powder.