Have you ever heard the song You're Going to Miss This, by Trace Adkins?
Here's a song if you haven't: You're Going to Miss This
There is a section of lyrics in the song that have really been on my mind:
You're gonna miss this
You're gonna want this back
You're gonna wish these days hadn't gone by so fast
These are some good times
So take a good look around
You may not know it now
But you're gonna miss this
J and I have been TTC for two and a half years this month. With no success. Never a single positive pregnancy test. And I've peed on more than I can count. The last six months our focus has been around really getting our life back. You've seen much less about our fertility around here because we've been trying to focus our energy elsewhere. Reconnecting as a couple, focusing on weight loss, planning our trip to Europe, etc. Conceiving is never too far from our minds, but we've worked hard to (temporarily) make it less of a priority. To leave the days where it consumed everything we did and instead get back to living.
That brings me back to the song. I found it really hard to imagine that someday we're going to miss this. The heartbreak, the constant struggle, and simply the maintenance of TTC. The last time I heard this song though, my perspective was a bit different. Perhaps I can credit the months I've spent trying to find 'me' again. However, I really feel that there are things I will miss.
Doing nothing, from the couch, with my husband on a Sunday.
Picking up and going for drinks with friends on a whim.
The alone time we have to just be together.
Being responsible for only ourselves.
I have fallen back in love with my life. I am able to appreciate the people, things, and opportunities I have been blessed with in my life. All that I've learned, the people I've had the opportunity to meet, and the depth in my relationships. I'm grateful that those are not among the things that, someday, I am confident we will have the opportunity to miss.
I'm happy to be at a place of acceptance. But, do not mistake that for giving up or lack of faith. This is our life. I believe that someday we will be parents. And when that happens:
I hope that we're going to miss these days. In a way that dulls the pain of our struggles and focuses only on the good times. I am going appreciate all the time we spent making sure that these are good times. But, I am pretty confident that we won't want these days back. We'll have enjoyed the good and be very ready to leave the bad behind.
Trace, you almost had it right.