I had a wonderful conversation with my sister yesterday. Here I am using the term 'conversation' loosely because we pretty much cried the entire time. All in all she is doing pretty well. She said that she was scared and wished that she had said something to me or my mom sooner. That she is going to try and get better and finally put this behind her.
I told her that I loved her and that I had this horrible guilt because I would have been in the house when this happened and I wish that I could have done something. Her whole life could have been different and I wish I had known something was wrong. We spent so much time fighting and at each others throats growing up that I didn't even know something like this was bothering her.
She said that she loved me and that she hoped that I knew that. That she looked up to me more than anything (queue the fricken water works!) and thought I was an amazing big sister. ::sob:: And that she hopes now that we can both help each other through our tough times. My baby sister is finally growing up...
At the end of our chat we talked about taking a small trip together (just maybe we'll let our men tag along) just to get away.
Thank you in advance for any positive thoughts you can send my sisters way. I'm very proud of her and hope this means she can start a new chapter.
I am so sorry to hear this, and yet so happy that she finally was able to let it out and can get some help to put it away. I am very proud of her, so proud, and I can't wait to see her transformation in the next couple of years.
ReplyDeleteAlso, stop with the guilt. There is nothing you could have done. First of all, you were a child yourself. Secondly, there is a reason that abuse victims are able to hide it for so many years - they are GOOD at it. Remember my blog when I talked about not being able to see the line between normal teenage behavior and emotional problems? Perfect example. That line is blurry, and finding it is really difficult, especially when it's a gradual decline - if a girl has had anxiety throughout her childhood, it makes sense that she'd be challenged by test taking and decision making - it seemed normal for her. There wasn't a chance in hell that anyone was discovering this until she was ready.
I love you, you are an awesome sister. No looking back in this situation. What's done is done and there's no changing it. Now, it's time to help her heal and move forward with her life and I can't think of anyone I'd rather have next to me in that situation more than you.
oh sweetie. don't every blame yourself or second guess the past. What is done is done and you have to move forward. I'm so happy the two of you are in a place you can speak of this and grow together. I hope counseling helps her and you may want to consider it yourself to help you deal with everything that you do. It can't hurt and may connect the two of you in another way.
ReplyDeleteI'm thinking of you today and am always here to talk to. And if you need to get away...well, NC is a lovely place to visit! Even with sisters in tow! ;)
Thank you both. As always, I appreciate your support. It's hard not to evaluate and reevaluate everything about the past, but I promise to focus my attentions on moving forward.
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