Saturday, July 2, 2011

I am Happy*

I have worked very hard on myself this year. I am proud of where I came from and that I can sit here, on this gorgeous summer day, and say that I am happy*. Enjoying the sunshine, with my husband by my side reading in the backyard, while the dogs pant because they've been wrestling and chasing the Frisbee.

So, why the *?

I do still feel that something missing. I am truly happy, but I recognize that I'm not at my full potential. I have more to give. My backyard is too quiet.

Last summer this was debilitating. That black hole was all I could focus on. I basically lost a summer, really at least a year, of my life. I barely remember at all what we did and I know our summer was jam packed. I wasn't present and I didn't enjoy it. Now, I am happy and the idea I could be happier just makes the future brighter. Gives me something to hope for, a future that feels brighter and gives me something to look forward to.

I won't lie, it feels pretty great to be me again. Sure, there are still things I would change, unfulfilled dreams still needing to be realized... but I'm me. Enjoying time with my husband. Appreciating a beautiful day. Playing with our cute pups.

It may not be much, but it's mine and I'm loving it.

P.S. Last night I had a dream that J and I adopted a child. We basically just picked one out and magically he was ours. I remember J snuggling that bundle on the playground while our friends and their children played around him. He had chubby cheeks and his name was Owen.


  1. I'm glad you can enjoy the beautiful days!

  2. You sound so happy! :) And great dream, by the way. Dreams sometimes speak so much truth...perhaps there is something behind it? :)

  3. @Bobbi - you just never know!

  4. This makes my heart happy. And I LOVE the dream, it sounds like even your subconscious is happy.

  5. This is such a lovely post. I am sure that your dream or a family will be fulfilled. You are in a great place and could offer a child a ton of happiness.
    Maybe that dream means something. Maybe you are close? Or maybe that baby will come from a different source than you thought?

    I am glad for you.