As I've told my pals when they check in, I'm getting better - a small fraction each day.
I took yesterday off and spent the day with Jeremy. We vegged, went to Costco and generally took it easy. I had a great conversation with my boss on the phone yesterday and again today when I got back to the office. She's been through a miscarriage herself and told me a bit about their journey to have babes (she has three boys). It felt really good to have this chat and not break down. Score one for me.
While I am getting my shit together emotionally (for the most part - I still choke up when J checks in via phone and asks how I'm doing. Something about him not being by my side and that voice of his, it kills me every time) I am still very nervous for the actual miscarriage. I not even started spotting yet. I did spend most of the day nauseous and with other tummy troubles - but, I'll spare you the details. I'm not certain if I have a bug or if this is just the beginning of the end. I've tried drinking more water, I ate just in case I was hungry, nothin'. Even more than the physical pain is the emotional pain I fear. The realization that will hit all over again when the miscarriage actually starts.
I pray this goes smoothly. That it isn't long and drawn out. That I can get some peace.
My heart still aches when I think about what should have been. How unfair the whole world can be. But, I am working not to lose my hope. To focus on only to positives, no matter how much of a stretch they may be.
It's just one step at a time, one day at a time.