Tuesday, July 26, 2011

Moving Forward

As I've told my pals when they check in, I'm getting better - a small fraction each day.

I took yesterday off and spent the day with Jeremy. We vegged, went to Costco and generally took it easy. I had a great conversation with my boss on the phone yesterday and again today when I got back to the office. She's been through a miscarriage herself and told me a bit about their journey to have babes (she has three boys). It felt really good to have this chat and not break down. Score one for me.

While I am getting my shit together emotionally (for the most part - I still choke up when J checks in via phone and asks how I'm doing. Something about him not being by my side and that voice of his, it kills me every time) I am still very nervous for the actual miscarriage. I not even started spotting yet. I did spend most of the day nauseous and with other tummy troubles - but, I'll spare you the details. I'm not certain if I have a bug or if this is just the beginning of the end. I've tried drinking more water, I ate just in case I was hungry, nothin'. Even more than the physical pain is the emotional pain I fear. The realization that will hit all over again when the miscarriage actually starts.

I pray this goes smoothly. That it isn't long and drawn out. That I can get some peace.

My heart still aches when I think about what should have been. How unfair the whole world can be. But, I am working not to lose my hope. To focus on only to positives, no matter how much of a stretch they may be.

It's just one step at a time, one day at a time.

13 comments:

  1. I'm SO so so very sorry for your loss. I know, personally, how awful it is, and I wish it wasn't your reality.

    You can do hard things.

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  2. I have struggled with how to respond to you, because I want to be supportive but honest. Miscarriage was really difficult for me. It happened a year and half ago and I still have days that are emotionally hard. There were a few things we did that halped though: We planned time together for what would have been our due date.

    I'm so sorry this has happened to you. I've been there, and I know how hard it is to think about the might-have-been while trying to find hope.

    I have found a lot of encouragement in your weight loss journey, though. Would you mind recounting the major changes you made to make that happen?

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  3. I'm so so sorry to hear of your miscarriage. I just began catching up on blog posts I missed over the weekend. (((HUGS)))

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  4. I'm so sorry ur going through w this :( big hugs to u

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  5. So incredibly sorry to hear what you are going through. I had a miscarriage in April at 11 weeks 5 days and it just absolutely sucks. I hope the physical part of this goes OK for you...
    Tons of hugs...

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  6. Thinking of you and I'm so sorry you have to go through this.

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  7. Thinking of you during this time. Did your RE discuss other options besides waiting for your body to MC? I know with my first MC i waited for over a week and nothing happened so I scheduled a D&C. I think the waiting is the worst part of it.

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  8. ((HUGS)) Thinking of you...

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  9. Still thinking of you. It is so hard to understand:( sending my love! I also hated the waiting game but was not up for a D&C so they had given me a medicine to move things along a little quicker. I was very glad I did. Just a thought.

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  10. Good questions ladies. We did discuss other options. I opted out of the d&c for now, if I have no progress next week we're going to touch base andre how I feel then. We may go with meds or straight to the d&c.... we'll see how it works out.

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  11. sending you a huge hug! take care of yourself.

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