Friday, August 12, 2011

Almost Done?

I have no idea what's going on inside, but it appears I might almost be through the physical part of this miscarriage. I have an ultrasound this evening to be certain.

Wednesday night was horrible. I barely slept and spent the majority of the night in the bathroom. I was really grateful the on-call doc a few weeks ago called me in a prescription for pain medicine. I avoid taking them as much as possible, but it really helped take the edge off Wednesday night. There was a lot of pressure, aching, and that odd feeling to 'push' I've heard described before. A significant amount of blood (nothing I ever felt was dangerous) and a lot of tissue and clotting.

When I did get to lay down I couldn't get comfortable or sleep. Add to that I was afraid I would disrupt J even more. Every time he was conscious of me getting in/out of bed he would wake up, sit up, and ask me if I was okay, made sure I had my heating pad, etc. The poor guy had to work before dawn the next morning. After the meds kicked in late in the night (2:30 a.m. or so?) I wrapped myself in blankets and rested on the couch. I think I got about 2 hours of sleep.

There is still some bleeding, but it has gone down significantly since yesterday morning and Wednesday night. It was then that I'm fairly sure I passed the bulk of tissues. (sorry again for those that are sensitive...) I'm positive that I passed the sac. I was (irrationally?) afraid that I would see something that I could recognize. I wasn't sure how I would handle that. Thankfully, while this mass was certainly different looking and larger, it was nothing terrifying. For those curious, it was between the size of a cotton ball and a golf ball, if I had to guess. It was hard, don't get me wrong, but I was not further traumatized.

J is really ready to try again. He's convinced we'll get pregnant really quickly after this. In fact, he doesn't want to pick immediately back up at Seattle Reproductive. I agreed to wait a cycle before we went back, but I fear that he's getting his hopes up and has unrealistic expectations. I hate the idea that he could be disappointed again. We had a chat about it last night, but I'm not sure I swayed him. He's always so optimistic. It's one of the things I love about him.

Fingers are crossed that I'm on the downward slope. I'm ready to take steps to move forward. Ready and waiting.

7 comments:

  1. After my miscarriage I immediately started my period and (my cycle is normally 30 days) my cycle was off for the next month. I'm not sure if you already knew this but I didn't have anyone to tell me this info when I had mine and would have really liked to know. Lots of ((Hugs)) for you.

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  2. I'm glad (well not "glad but you know what I mean) that you are through most of it :( After our miscarriage the doc at the hospital kept saying that usually after miscarriage or childbirth women are highly fertile. So of course we were so excited to get our miracle baby after the miscarriage. Didnt happen for us, but Iv'e heard of it happening with other people. Hoping you are one of the "other people." :) Hugs...

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  3. I'm so glad you posted this. I have heard horror stories of bleeding for weeks, and after 4ish days it seems to be nearly over for me- I was starting to wonder if it was really over. I'm with you, totally ready to take steps to move forward. Thinking of you!

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  4. Take your time with whatever you feel right... whether you want to try again when you can or wait. I gave some of my pregnancy after loss books to Ashley. I can get them for you if you want them. Also- I love you.

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  5. Do what you need to do and what makes your comfortable. C was the same way, positive it would happen again immediately after our mc, or at least soon after. I wish he was right :(
    I hope things work out wonderfully for you both :)

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  6. It seems like the worst is over. Really glad to hear. A few words of completely unsolicited advice, speaking purely from personal experience:
    I had really wonky ovulation before my first pregnancy. After my first miscarriage, the biggest upside was that my cycle and ovulation actually became predictable.
    Another thing is that I jumped in too soon. Docs say that waiting for one "regular" cycle is enough to try again, but most people suggest three months, and from personal experience I think they're right. I think you need to give yourself some time to heal emotionally.
    So yeah - I say take a couple of months, see if your cycle has changed, give yourself some emotional space, and then jump back on the wagon! xoxo

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