Friday, August 5, 2011

Up, But Not Enough.

Of course I cannot do anything the easy way. My betas were up, but not enough.

Thursday, 7/28 - 12,294
Wednesday, 8/3 - 12,935

In a week I should have seen those numbers double. I'm afraid Doc Oc was right - while we've seen progress in the scans, this doesn't appear to be a healthy developing pregnancy.

My next ultrasound is Friday, 8/12.

I'm not really sure what to think at this point. I'm crushed. I allowed my hope to crawl back up there only to get kicked off the ladder again. I feel horrible and guilty for feeling this way, but another small part of me is relieved. Don't confuse this - I am not relieved not to have a healthy Sprout. (double negatives anyone?) But, I am relieved to be finding some resolution and to step away from this crazy roller coaster.

Sprout has received an early promotion. He/She is going to be up there in the clouds, scouting all of the other babies. Finding us the perfect one. A sticky, healthy, chubby baby meant only for us. As soon as he/she is found, I know Sprout will send them to us. Sprout the Scout. I like that.

Our Sprout is a fighter. Clawing and battling all the way. I'm proud of my little Sprout for giving it all he/she had to give. Keeping that doctor, and his/her mama and daddy, on their toes. It's how I know that baby was mine - scrappy and stubborn as hell.

6 comments:

  1. I'm sorry. I totally understand the 'relived' feeling. Enough is enough when it comes to beta hell, and you've been stuck there far too long. Thinking of you.

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  2. Oh gosh. ((hugs)) What hard news to handle. Sprout the Scout... definitely a good name, and I'm hopeful that he/she will send you your sticky, healthy, chubby baby soon.

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  3. Gosh I wish you had gotten better news. I guess Sprout just doesn't have enough in him/her to get to the end. What a precious fighter and blessing. I wish you all the best and know that a healthy robust baby is in your future.

    Thinking of you.

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  4. I'm so sorry. I was hoping for a very different result, as I know you were, as well. I hope Sprout the Scout finds and sends you a sticky baby very soon!

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  5. Oh no, Mrs. S.....I'm so sorry to read this! I was gone all weekend and didn't check my blogroll. Reading on now...

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