Up, But Not Enough.

Of course I cannot do anything the easy way. My betas were up, but not enough.

Thursday, 7/28 - 12,294
Wednesday, 8/3 - 12,935

In a week I should have seen those numbers double. I'm afraid Doc Oc was right - while we've seen progress in the scans, this doesn't appear to be a healthy developing pregnancy.

My next ultrasound is Friday, 8/12.

I'm not really sure what to think at this point. I'm crushed. I allowed my hope to crawl back up there only to get kicked off the ladder again. I feel horrible and guilty for feeling this way, but another small part of me is relieved. Don't confuse this - I am not relieved not to have a healthy Sprout. (double negatives anyone?) But, I am relieved to be finding some resolution and to step away from this crazy roller coaster.

Sprout has received an early promotion. He/She is going to be up there in the clouds, scouting all of the other babies. Finding us the perfect one. A sticky, healthy, chubby baby meant only for us. As soon as he/she is found, I know Sprout will send them to us. Sprout the Scout. I like that.

Our Sprout is a fighter. Clawing and battling all the way. I'm proud of my little Sprout for giving it all he/she had to give. Keeping that doctor, and his/her mama and daddy, on their toes. It's how I know that baby was mine - scrappy and stubborn as hell.