Friday, August 5, 2011

Up, But Not Enough.

Of course I cannot do anything the easy way. My betas were up, but not enough.

Thursday, 7/28 - 12,294
Wednesday, 8/3 - 12,935

In a week I should have seen those numbers double. I'm afraid Doc Oc was right - while we've seen progress in the scans, this doesn't appear to be a healthy developing pregnancy.

My next ultrasound is Friday, 8/12.

I'm not really sure what to think at this point. I'm crushed. I allowed my hope to crawl back up there only to get kicked off the ladder again. I feel horrible and guilty for feeling this way, but another small part of me is relieved. Don't confuse this - I am not relieved not to have a healthy Sprout. (double negatives anyone?) But, I am relieved to be finding some resolution and to step away from this crazy roller coaster.

Sprout has received an early promotion. He/She is going to be up there in the clouds, scouting all of the other babies. Finding us the perfect one. A sticky, healthy, chubby baby meant only for us. As soon as he/she is found, I know Sprout will send them to us. Sprout the Scout. I like that.

Our Sprout is a fighter. Clawing and battling all the way. I'm proud of my little Sprout for giving it all he/she had to give. Keeping that doctor, and his/her mama and daddy, on their toes. It's how I know that baby was mine - scrappy and stubborn as hell.


  1. I'm sorry. I totally understand the 'relived' feeling. Enough is enough when it comes to beta hell, and you've been stuck there far too long. Thinking of you.

  2. Oh gosh. ((hugs)) What hard news to handle. Sprout the Scout... definitely a good name, and I'm hopeful that he/she will send you your sticky, healthy, chubby baby soon.

  3. Gosh I wish you had gotten better news. I guess Sprout just doesn't have enough in him/her to get to the end. What a precious fighter and blessing. I wish you all the best and know that a healthy robust baby is in your future.

    Thinking of you.

  4. I'm so sorry. I was hoping for a very different result, as I know you were, as well. I hope Sprout the Scout finds and sends you a sticky baby very soon!

  5. I am so sorry.....xo

  6. Oh no, Mrs. S.....I'm so sorry to read this! I was gone all weekend and didn't check my blogroll. Reading on now...