The expectations and demands on me haven't changed.
But I have. I've had this major thing happen to me. My dreams were answered and taken away from me in the same month. In a way, my life changed. But now, while I've physically changed back, but my mind can't go back to being the same as it once was. Not yet anyway.
Not to mention, I have no desire or motivation to do those things. I've struggled the last couple of days. I feel like I am only operating at half capacity, but the world didn't seem to get the memo. Add to that my lack of motivation an desire to go through those motions and maybe I'm really only operating at a quarter capacity. Needless to say I've been feeling guilty, frustrated, and overwhelmed.
There are too many things going on at once and I would really appreciate a break. I dream of unplugging the phone, hiring a maid to work for three days straight, ordering a weeks worth of prepped meals, paying a personal assistant to see to the mail checking and bill paying, and crawling in bed next to my husband for a week.
Instead, I will take tonight off. Tomorrow I will make a checklist and see to checking at least one thing off each day. One step and one day at a time.
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