The expectations and demands on me haven't changed.
But I have. I've had this major thing happen to me. My dreams were answered and taken away from me in the same month. In a way, my life changed. But now, while I've physically changed back, but my mind can't go back to being the same as it once was. Not yet anyway.
Not to mention, I have no desire or motivation to do those things. I've struggled the last couple of days. I feel like I am only operating at half capacity, but the world didn't seem to get the memo. Add to that my lack of motivation an desire to go through those motions and maybe I'm really only operating at a quarter capacity. Needless to say I've been feeling guilty, frustrated, and overwhelmed.
There are too many things going on at once and I would really appreciate a break. I dream of unplugging the phone, hiring a maid to work for three days straight, ordering a weeks worth of prepped meals, paying a personal assistant to see to the mail checking and bill paying, and crawling in bed next to my husband for a week.
Instead, I will take tonight off. Tomorrow I will make a checklist and see to checking at least one thing off each day. One step and one day at a time.
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I think that's about all you can ask of yourself right now. Check one thing off at a time. You're grieving and you are entitled to it. Thinking of you...
ReplyDeleteYou are grieving. Give yourself a break. Hire a housekeeper or someone to clean for you. The checklist is a great idea, too. And just know that it doesn't all have to go back to how it was. And that's okay. AND. I love you.
ReplyDeleteThat sounds like a a good plan. When I was going through a small deression during all my IF stuff, I felt similar. I was doing everything half-way or not at all and didn't care beyond knowing it needed done.
ReplyDeleteI know that you just need some time to figure some things out and get back to yourself. You'll get there. In the meantime...one thing at a time and then break.