Tuesday, August 30, 2011

I was right!

That sneaky little devil was up to something!

Jeremy had told me that on Friday we would go and pick up my birthday present. That we would be going to dinner and would have a bit of time to kill before he had to 'meet someone at 11:30'. ELEVEN THIRTY!? WTF!? He promised me it would be worth it and I wouldn't have to leave the car. He said nothing about the damn blindfold, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

I made the mistake of wanting to start our evening with some shopping. I have one pair of jeans that fit, so I wanted to pick up at least one more pair. Any woman knows that jeans shopping is the quickest way to start of shame spiral of self loathing and depression. 23 pairs of jeans later, and almost attacking a sales lady in The G.AP ("I'm sorry, we don't carry that in your size." RAGE), I am on the verge of tears. Frankly, J was not helpful. His idea of shopping with me was to sit on his phone for an hour. (I will forgive him for this later). I tried on a size up and, at one store, two sizes up and they were too tight!

Note to Jeans Manufacturers: Get your shit together. Can't you hold an annual conference where you all calibrate the appropriate jean size and then all use the same scale!? Why am I a size 12 at one store and sobbing when I can barely button a 16 in another? It's cruel. Shape up or I'm going to start hunting you down.
One by one.

After the failure that was jean shopping we went to dinner. I sat in relative silence because I was afraid that the moment I opened my mouth I would cry. Jeremy asked, "How can jeans shopping do this to you?" Oh, if only he had a vagina, then he could understand. I, through watery eyes, explained that my waist is all I've ever had going for me. Big hips/thighs, but a nice waist. Except that now I was pregnant just long enough to get soft in the middle. So I can't find jeans and I have no baby. I warned you it was a shame spiral...

He asked me, "What if I told you that in a few hours I guarantee that you will feel better?"
My reply, "That for the next few hours I'm going to be a sucky human being to hang out with."

Meanwhile, I texted one of my very best pals - the lovely Susan. I lamented about my jeans experience and hers was the only solution that completely made sense. Fuck it, and EAT DESSERT. It's why I love her. That and the fact that she just gets my soul. I didn't get dessert, but instead spent an hour and a half in Target where I got a new lamp, a necklace, and a shirt. It worked, I felt a little better.

This is where the blindfold came in. We get back to the car and J says, "You're going to hate me for this, but I'm going to need you to put this on." and he hands me a scarf. "For serious??" I asked.


Thankfully I didn't make it 5 minutes on the freeway before I passed out (it was waaaay passed my bedtime). The next thing I remember was sitting up and complaining about the kink in my neck. Jeremy says, "I'm sorry, Sweetpea. Why don't you sit up? And while you're at it, take your blindfold off and look out your window."


It was Susan.

J flew her here from California to celebrate my birthday. That is who he'd been texting all night.

I threw my happy ass out of the car and jumped on her. I think I even squealed. I then proceeded to slug Jeremy in the arm and then kiss him. It was the best birthday surprise I've ever been given. My friend. The exact one I needed at exactly the right time. The crazy intuitive thing was he had been scheming with Susan to do this since MAY! How did the universe know?! Crazy kids.

We spent an amazing Saturday together. She and our friend Rachel cooked me breakfast and then took me to get our nails done. After that? We hit the outlet mall where those girls helped me find all kinds of good finds - including a pair of jeans.

I could have died happy after that afternoon.

We get back to my house, change our clothes, and head out to pick up Jeremy at our friends place - supposedly on our way to dinner. Nope! We get there and the driveway is filled with cars and lounging in the backyard is about a dozen of my friends and our parents. That man threw me my first ever surprise party! We grilled, drank beer, ate my Angry Birds birthday cake, and I got to spend the evening with some of my favorite people on this earth. I refuse, however, to talk about the tequila. I'm still trying to pretend that part never happened. My old friends mingled with my newer friends and they all folded together nicely. It may have been my greatest gift of all.

Jeremy outdid himself. Seeing him so happy about making me happy was by far my favorite part. Getting to hug Susan after the month I've had? Priceless. It was a fantastic birthday weekend. One I will never forget in a million years.


  1. Um, best birthday ever!!! I love it when husbands totally pull through with EXACTLY what you need! Sounds like a wonderful weekend :)

  2. What an awesome birthday present! My husband could definitely take a few tips from him!

  3. Wow, what an awesome birthday surprise!(es) I'm jealous. :)

  4. That sounds amazing! What a wonderful gift! You hold on to that husband of yours!

    BTW - Didn't we talk about getting together something since we are in the same area? I think it's time we chat it up sometime soon.

    MissConception (Alissa)

  5. The sight of the word "tequila" makes my chest burn and my mouth water. ::shudders::

    It was a great weekend and I'm SO happy that we pulled it off and that I was able to be there with you. I love you so very much.

  6. That is so awesome, J is awesome for pulling it all off.

  7. What great birthday surprises! J is an awesome hubby and knew just what you needed!!!

  8. Fantastic! Jeremy rocks! So glad you had such a good time!

  9. You have got yourself one amazing husband! What a perfect "gift" for you! So glad you had such a great birthday!