I win.

The award for the ugliest chart of all time, of course! My temping was spotty at best this month and there are a couple I should probably toss. I think I may be picking up a new thermometer too (not starting until next cycle of course). I think the batteries may be dieing or this one is just off because the temps are really pretty low. It makes me question the accuracy.

I was hoping that charting would deliver me some 'answers'. The only thing I've been given so far is further confusion.

For your viewing pleasure:

(click to enlarge)

I win, yes? Is there a large broken uterus shaped trophy involved in winning such a prestigious award?

PS. If you flip my chart upside down it looks strikingly like 'the shocker'... Now I know my lady bits are just messing with me.

Quote of the Day

'Back up off my fake cheese you whore!' ~R

Love it.

Helping out Friends

About 8:00 last night we got a call from a close family friend of ours. He needed our help. His parents (read: the nicest most wonderful people on the face of the planet) are in Demark for the month and a pipe in their house burst. I felt awful for them. I can't imagine how stressful that would be. Thankfully their son and his girlfriend have been coordinating with the insurance company all day (who were VERY on top of things I might add) to try and clean up the mess. How did they even find out it happened? A neighbor saw a river running out from underneath their garage door. Major suckage.

In addition to being sweet and wonderful, this couple is fairly well off. They have worked hard and are enjoying the fruits of their labor. Their house is in a beautiful neighborhood and over looks the water (and if you know us IRL, you know that water views here are NOT cheap).

When J and I got to the house and I almost literally sick. The water had run down the walls and their antique piano, plasma tv, carpet, real/solid beautiful hardwood floors, and other decor are in the drive way. Their kitchen floor (more gorgeous hard wood) has been sawed in half and was in the process of being torn up. Their house has always been my dream house and to see it in pieces.. well it sucked. Thank goodness for insurance!!

On the bright side of things, what they needed our help with was moving their fleet of cars because they were in the way. While the girlfriend got to drive their brand new Denali (drooool), I got to drive the second best - the new Volvo XC90. Yup, that is my new favorite. SO comfortable, drove like a dream. I <3 it. It WILL be my next car. Even if I have to steal it... okay, maybe not then. It was definitely worth not getting to sleep until midnight (I have to get up at 4am.).

Thoughts on my cycle.

Based on the last couple days, I don't think I O'd over the weekend. They are fairly consistent with the pre-weekend temps. I think the one dip was definitely a fluke. That being said I am getting pretty 'up there' in terms of cycle days. I know it is still possible to O this late, but I'm thinking that perhaps my problem/lack of success is anovulatory cycles? I was on birth control for 8 years off and on (mostly on). I imagine that could mess a girl up...

I am really glad that I started charting. If that is the case (and I'm probably a couple steps ahead of myself), at least I would know.

Temping FAIL.

As previously mentioned, I spent the weekend camping. I may have also briefly mentioned some difficultly with our air mattress. Basically, it went flat. We spent the whole night (both of them) sleeping flat on the ground. The cold hard ground. I don't think I slept more than 1-2 hours at a time. It was rough. I didn't even bother taking my temperature because I'd been up so much and the first night I was FREEZING.

It wouldn't be a big deal except this could potentially be O time... I guess I'll find out as the month continues.

I am not good at this temping stuff.

Memorial Day Weekend

What a great one it was. Here is the short chronicle of my adventures.
Friday:
Shopping and lunch with my best pal R. We did some major outlet shopping and she got some GREAT deals at Carter's. That store completely melted what is left of my dysfunctional lady-bits. Oh, and I got a SUPER cute dress on sale at Gap. Of course I won't fail to mention that it was a size smaller than I typically buy. Score!

After R's, J and I went to a baseball game. It was a really fun night, although it went into overtime so we were home a lot later than planned. We had an early morning!

Saturday - Monday afternoon:
CAMPING! Our first trip of the year. It was beautiful (mid 70's) the whole time. We had fantastic company and one of our fellow campers even had a boat, so we got to enjoy the lake. It was honestly one of the best camping trips (as soon as I can forget the memory of our mattress going flat every night...).

All in all, great weekend. Fun times had by all. Cannot wait to go on camping trip #2.

More progress!

Weigh in this morning..... 202! Suhweet. Now my job is not to completely destroy my progress at the baseball game and while we're camping this weekend.

My TTC goal was to be under 200 before I got pregnant and that is TOTALLY doable now.

GO ME!

Beginner Chart

Well, this is what a crappy/beginner chart looks like. But, it's a start. Right? At least it is starting to look like a chart.

I'm SO clumsy!

I am a world class klutz. Tripping over my own two feet, walking into things and falling down are all things I would win gold in if they were events in the Olympics.

Yesterday we went rollerblading with the dog down a local trail and I biffed it hardcore. My feet flew right out from under me like a cartoon character and I landed flat and hard on my ass. Scraped up my left butt cheek and my wrist is a bit sore today to boot.

Later that night I had the joyous experience of having J rub Neosporin on my bummed bum. Nothing says love like rubbing ointment on your significant others ass!

Hey, the silver lining is perhaps it will help with my measurements this week??? Lol.

Crazy 8's

Crazy 8's
I'm using this from Rotty's blog! I figured since I'd done one survey already, I would make a weekend out of it.

Here are the rules of the game:
-Mention the person that tagged you.
-Complete the following lists of 8's.
-Tag 8 of your wonderful bloggy friends.
-Go tell them you tagged them!


Eight Things I'm Looking Forward To:
1) Breakfast
2) Another M's game on Friday
3) Camping next weekend
4) Summer
5) Getting Pregnant
6) Having a baby
7) The housing market turning around
8) A nap

Eight Things I Did Yesterday:
1) Didn't sleep in (ugh)
2) Watched Greys (how sad was that by the way!?)
3) Had lunch with my parents
4) Went to the beer garden at Pyramid
5) Went to the Mariner's game and watched them lose...
6) Ate my weight in peanuts
7) Made plans to camp with friends next weekend
8) Ate a McFlurry on the way home to soothe my sore throat (we did a lot of cheering at the game!)

Eight Things I Wish I Could Do:
1) Sew - I need a sewing machine!
2) Win the lottery!
3) Travel More
4) Lose the last thirty lbs as 'easily' as I did the first...
5) Find a job I love that pays me what I'm making now
6) Fix my apparently broken lady-bits
7) Be a SAHM
8) Get motivated to clean my house

Eight Shows I watch:
1) Chuck
2) Grey's Anatomy
3) Private Practice
4) 30 Rock
5) Heroes
6) Lost
7) Scrubs
8) Rachael Ray

I'm lazy today, so this is open to all! Have at it girls!

Perfect Post

I'm bored. I'm lazy. J is asleep on the couch. Three reasons why I am selling out and doing a survey... let the mediocrity commence.

The perfect outfit: My favorite is - cute squared toe black heels, jeans, black three-quarter length shirt... the shoes can be changed out depending on what we're doing...

The perfect meal: steak, baked potato, caesar salad, glass of red wine

The perfect hangover cure: Gatorade and ibuprofen before bed. Greasy breakfast.

The perfect facial feature: Eyes.

The perfect drink: Mango Margarita (fell in love with these on my honeymoon!)

The perfect song: Ooh, this is a tough one. I love Michael Buble's Everything at the moment.

The perfect sign of affection: A good hug. It's universal. From J? Snuggling.

The perfect afternoon: Tomorrow is going to be pretty great... lunch downtown, beer garden and a baseball game with friends!

The perfect vacation: I'm not picky at this point. I would love Europe, anywhere tropical, Alaskan cruise...

The perfect invention: Internet.

The perfect type of wedding: Mine! I had such a great day. Nothing I would change. I've had so many compliments on how relaxing and fun the evening was.

The perfect album: Colbie Caillat

The perfect accent: Southern

The perfect date: Dinner somewhere nice with J, a movie at home snuggling with the dog.

The perfect weather: 80 - low humidity.

The perfect party: Not too big, close friends, good food, tasty beverage.

The perfect sport: Softball!

The perfect thing to say: 'See you when I get back from vacation!'

The perfect day of the week: Saturday. I get to sleep in!

Okay, tag YOU are ALL it.

My First Award! x2!

Wow. I never started this blog with the thought that anyone would read it and think I deserved an award. Let alone two in one week!
When I started this blog I did it as a way for me to collect my thoughts and share them. I don't know who exactly I thought would come, or which of the lovely ladies I communicate with on the magical tubes we call the interwebs would care to 'follow'. Getting into blogging has helped me connect with amazing women. Some that are going through similar things as I, and some that inspire me to do better things with my life. I am very grateful for these new relationships and the things I have learned. To me, that is why I am SO appreciative of the Sisterhood Award. Because 'sister' to me has very little to do with common parents or living arrangements. It is those women you chose to surround yourself with. I'm a lucky girl!

I am especially honored for this award because of the two gals it came from. Rotty (Sometimes & Always) and Rachel (Unbroken Road). Rotty is snarky, bright, hilarious, and most importantly she is overseas serving our country. Rotty, you kick ass. Thanks for the award! Rachel is... well Rachel is an amazing friend. In terms of sisterhood she is probably my non-biological twin. I love you, Rach!

Here are the rules:
1) Put the logo on your blog or post.
2) Nominate at least 5 blogs with great attitude and/or gratitude. Be sure to link to your nominees in your post.
3) Let your nominees know they have received the award by leaving them a comment on their blog.
4) Be sure to link this post to the person who nominated you for the award.

Here are the ladies I would like to nominate. I have chosen you because you are honest, true to yourself, and mostly because you're awesome. (I tried to pick people that hadn't been nominated yet! I love all the rest of you too!!)

Stephanie - Chronicles of Mom
Blair - Heir to Blair
Jess - Taking it One Step at a Time
Tri - Jellybean Chronicles
Jessica - The Ramblings of a Southern Belle

Thank you for being you!

Progress *edited*

The scale this morning read: 203.7

That is 1.3lbs less than last Thursday. Not remarkable, but I'll take it! (I will update with measurements tonight...)

Yesterday, one of my employees caught me after I walked by her desk and asked 'S, are you still working out?' When I answered affirmative she said 'Well you're just looking skinnier every day!'

Now that I could get used to hearing! Gotta love a kiss ass.

EDIT: Here are my measurements. These are compared against my starting measurements on 4/23. (3 week results)

In inches
Calves: -1.75
Thighs: -.75
Hips: -1.5
Stomach (at belly button): -1
Bust: -1
Arms: No change

Not a whole lot of difference over last week, but I am feeling pretty good! I did 30 consecutive push ups today!

J's company was sold.

J works for a local phone company and they were sold yesterday. We have NO idea what that means. I hate this feeling of uncertainty. The new company said they would honor the existing contract and would work with local unions to make this a smooth transition. Sounds nice, right? Except that the existing contract is up in less than a year. What then? They did not elaborate. Of course they are not going to commit to any one thing at this point. I'm sure they're still working things out, but still! My mind runs rampant with this sort of limited detail.
J just recently became the family bread winner, so if -GOD FORBID- he were to lose his job, all plans (especially TTC) would have to be postponed.
Please, oh please, send your thoughts/prayers/good juju his way. I hope I'm getting all worked up over nothing.
::crossing fingers::

A New Baby.

A dear friend of mine gave birth to her first child last night, a son. This dear friend, we can all her Mrs. F, and her dear husband Mr. F have been together since the dawn of time. Okay, not quite that long, but still. They had tried for many years to have a child and were told that their chances were close to nil.

Fast forward about a dozen years and you'll find that miracles DO happen. This fall Mr and Mrs F found out that they were expecting. You cannot believe the joy that has been felt across our little world. There have been celebrations, and tears of joy, and there has been SHOPPING, oh yes there has been shopping.

Not even that tiny tiny voice in the back of my mind that says 'J and I have been trying to conceive for longer than they've known they were expecting ::sigh::' can come even close to dimming the joy that I have for Mr and Mrs F. There is no doubt in my mind that they will raise a loving, well rounded, hilarious, musically inclined, earth concious productive member of our society. These two were born to be parents. They are absolutely amazing people and I know they will be even more amazing parents.

This miracle has brought me a hope. Hope that even if all else is wrong in the world, this little miracle is right. That makes the rest okay by me.

Before and After

Since I've been talking about weight loss since the beginning of this whole mess I call a blog, I decided I'd to a before and after shot of my progress thus far.

Before (Camping one summer at my heaviest - 235ish)After (Honeymoon last summer)

I am still roughly the same as my honeymoon picture. Within about a couple of pounds (About 205 or so). I'm hoping by the end of the month to be below 200. That hasn't happened since probably 2003/2004.

I will try and find a picture of me closer to my goal (about 170)... it's been awhile!

Blah.

That pretty much sums up how I've felt this weekend. Very little energy/motivation, I'm tired, mildly cranky, and a bit of the blues. Blah.

AF showed up Friday afternoon (CD27-EARLY this time!). Not only did she have to show up, but she ruined a completely cute pair of underwear and is making me break out like the 13 year old boy that got called 'pizza face' in middle school. We ladies got the fuzzy end of the lollipop when it comes to this period business. Complete crap I tell you.

Mother's Day was okay. We spent most of the time with my mom and even stopped in to see my SIL and niece. I suppose the reason I didn't enjoy it more is that I just wish it had gone differently. I'm generally pretty good at the gift giving part too. I plan those things in advance and come up with something creative and thoughtful. Instead, J and I were running around on the way to my moms to try and find flowers that didn't look like they were picked at a truck stop. I guess I was just hoping to have a better surprise for them. Poor J said 'I was looking forward to getting you a gift or card today'. Broke my heart.

I'm getting worn out.

Well, starting yesterday afternoon the spotting has continued. It is a bit more and I think a precursor to the AF to come. It's inevitable now.

I do this sort of thing all the time. I get something all worked up in my mind and then I am overly disappointed when it doesn't work out the way I'd hoped. Not just with baby making, but with holiday plans, a good interview, making an offer on a house, etc. Apparently I am much more of an optimist than I thought.

Unfortunately, what bothers me more than being disappointed myself, is disappointing J. He is going to make such an amazing daddy and I wish I could make that happen for him. Lady bits, can you PLEASE get your shit together? Oh and you, AF, you're a bitch. Can you just get here already so I can start charting and get on with this dog and pony show? K, thanks.

I'm trying not to get my hopes up.

AF is expected anytime the next few days (remember, I don't chart, so this is an estimation). I'm trying not to be one of those crazies that is getting phantom symptoms. I've been doing this for too many months to continue to be fooled. However, a couple of days ago I had some faint spotting (really light pink/brown). Generally I do have a bit of pink/brown discharge before AF (TMI, I know), but usually it is something like spotting in the morning and the show is in full swing by that evening. Well... that was a full 3-4 days before AF should have shown up (CD 24/25) and nothing else has come. Implantation spotting perhaps? The other thing is that I have had crazy CM the last 2 days. I'm not usually all that active in that arena. It's a stretch, I know.

I guess the long and short of it is that I will be testing tomorrow morning. So I'm sure I will be back tomorrow morning or tonight saying that AF showed up. That's just the way it goes!

Oops!

I forgot to update this yesterday with my weigh in. Remember how I said I would do it 'like it or not'? Well... or not. 205. Damnit!

My dear friend R reminded me that the shred includes strength training and that builds muscle, so not every day am I going to weigh less. I have to be okay with going up and down. (Wednesday I was still 203 like last week) I am okay with it as long as the overall trend is down. It doesn't look good for being down 10lbs by the end of the month. Owell, I just need to keep at it.

I swear the world is against me.

Why oh why must my office have a Cinco de Mayo potluck AND treats for anniversary/birthday celebrations in the same week? Don't they know that Jillian is just going to punish me later??

Well, that and the fact that I have no will power. Thankfully a small piece of angel food cake and some strawberries aren't going to kill me.

Level 2 - Day 2

I can't believe I survived doing level 2, 2 days in a row! I'm awesome. Yup, that's alllll there is to it. It really sucks there towards the end, but I did it with very minimal stopping. GO ME! Want to know what got me ramped up and ready to tackle it a second day? I was changing into work out clothes and J said 'Lookin' good S!' It was like getting cat-called by dirty construction workers (you know you like it a little), but better cause he's cute. :)

Now, I'm off to drown in a pool of my own sweat.

Oh, and chubby check in tomorrow - whether I like it or not.

Kill Me. Now.

What the eff? ::pant:: Level 2 is just not nice. ::gasp:: J was called back into work for the night, so I decided I would give level 2 a try. After all, I didn't want be humiliated when I inevitably wilted in front of the television. I am currently hating life.

Jillian, if I ever get my hands on your skinny muscly neck I swear to the heavens above that I will wring it until you are lifeless. Do you hear me? I hate you. My thighs hate you, my arms hate you. You are Satan.

Level 2 is crazy hard! I understand that I'm a weenie, but Dear Jesus H. Christ I've sweat like I've never sweat before. I honestly may not be able to do this two days in a row.

I'm going to go crawl in a hole now...

Charting

When J and I started our TTC adventure (Oct08 was our first cycle), we said that we would not chart or plan. We would just go off of BC and see how it goes. Well....... that lasted all of a few weeks. After that we decided we would just adopt the '10 days after your period have sex for 10 straight days' approach because, well, because 10 straight days sounded pretty fun! Well that cycle was 67 days long... needless to say, it didn't work out.


I have put off charting for a few reasons. Mostly, because once I start something I am mildly obsessive about it. I start planning, budgeting, window-shopping, etc. I was the same way with our wedding, our vacations, you name it. I was going to do my best this time to be calm and go with the flow. YEAH RIGHT. We are now in our 8th month and with the exception of this last month, I have been exactly the opposite. I've had crazy cycles, phantom 'symptoms', awful periods, etc. All of the things that make me crazy, because there is no way to 'plan'. (Yes, I realize that once the kid gets here there will be even less I can plan for. I see the irony.)

In order to feel like I have some idea of what is going on with my body, I have decided to suck it up and chart. I already enrolled in Fertility Friend and completed all of the lessons (I did that before the end of the year). I don't plan on consulting with my doctor until we have gone a full year without conceiving. I hope that charting these last few months will give me some additional information to take with me to the dr, should we go the next 4-5 months with no success. AF is roughly due this weekend and so far I have no signs (but that is nothing new...).

Definitely water weight.

I was right! Just bad timing with my weigh in yesterday morning. This morning? 203.0! That's a full 1.5lbs this week!

WOOT!

I'm starting to Shred!

Okay, so I know that I reported a disappointing weight loss the morning. However, this afternoon I did my measurements. I took the originals last Wednesday (4/22) when we first started the DVD and I am showing some progress!! I was pretty happy with what I found, so I thought I would share!

Here is the progress (thankfully I'm fairly even on both sides, so I was able to round to the nearest quarter inch):

Calves: -2.5 inches (okay, so I don't think I measured this correctly the first time...)
Thighs: -1 inch
Hips: -.5 inches
Stomach (at belly button): -1.5 inches
Bust: -1 inch
Arms: +.25 inches (damn push-ups...)

Holy progress! Shredding is working! I have to say I'm a little surprised. Pleasantly, of course. GO ME!

Chubby Check In

As promised I am here with my weigh in. It isn't great, but it certainly is WAY better than yesterday. Thank god it was only water retention (the scale said that I'd gained two lbs yesterday! TWO!).

Today's weight - 204.3

That's .2 lbs less than last week. Not great progress. Not great at ALL. However, all I can do is vow to be better this week. If I'm a little better each week then we'll get there. Right? Yes... I've just got to keep telling myself that.

.2lbs down - 9.8 to go (and 30 more to go after that...). ::sigh::